Thursday, September 28, 2006

Big indulgences

The other day I had a bad day. Full of mood swings, anger, bitterness, crying, yelling, and general pissiness. I was out with Kari C., and bless her heart she was so patient with me. We were at the University Village Radio Shack and I came across portable DVD players. I still had birthday money on me and found a model that suited my needs. So I called Matt, and after a long discussion that involved not so much the DVD player, but a host of other things, we decided I could get it. And so I did. Isn't it pretty? :) I can catch up on Rescue Me on the train, along with some other movies I have been meaning to watch. It also plays CD's and has 2 headphone outlets so more than one person can watch. And, if our DVD player ever shuts down, this will be a quick replacement until we get a newer one. The best part? We can write it off.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Out of reach

I'm starting to hate my phone. I don't know why, but all of the sudden I just hate talking on it. I'd rather talk in person or through email. I can't explain why, but the phone is just really annoying these days - it just seems to be a constant interuption (and for those of you who have called, this isn't directed at anyone, it's just a phase, I promise!) And I'm starting to get anxious about my trip to L.A. 15 days! I can't believe I'll be going back that soon. As of Wednesday, I'll have been here 2 months. It feels like so much longer... :P

I am very excited for November. Matt and I will be heading up to wine country over Thanksgiving, which means we'll be spending Christmas with the fam. At least I'll get a few months to settle into life where it includes my husband, friends, and 2 kitties.

Tomorrow Kari C. and I are getting together. I'm not sure what we'll do, but whatever it is I know we will have lots to catch up on. She is grieving too over the recent loss of her father (3 weeks before mom). It is amazing just how much we have in common in this process.

And I can't believe I forgot to mention that I got to see Jenny last week. We had a terrific lunch at an Italian bistro on Proctor in Tacoma. Fabulous wine and food. Most of our sentences (as she quoted humourously on her blog) began with "my therapist said..." We cried and laughed and gossiped. We went window shopped at a high-end furniture store and oogled at the garden and kitchen boutique. It was a wonderful visit.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

This is my life, should I choose to accept it.

Well, where do I begin?

First off, unfortunately, Great Aunt Helen died this week. I was not close to her, but my dad was, so we are off to Spokane tomorrow for a few days for the rosary (whoopee) and funeral (yippee). I am not looking forward to this as I know it's just going to bring back memories and pain that I have barely dealt with from mom's funeral. But I do get to wear my cute Nordstroms suit again and spend time with Aunt Sharon at her place. I don't get out there nearly enough. This means my trip to Aberdeen has been postponed until next weekend, which then throws off my plans for the next few weeks.

Secondly, work has gotten incredibly stressful in the last 24 hours. They have decided that I am going to work on the pricelist, which happens to contain over 4,000 items (and that doesn't include the new items)'s a nasty project that is not worth stressing about at this point. I have no idea what I'm doing but thankfully my co-workers are being very patient with me...for now...this means, though, that I need to be working more which means less time for social gatherings (which I was enjoying quite a bit).

Oh, and it's pouring rain. Again. Which means the 520 floating bridge should be loads of fun on my way home this afternoon.

But Katie and I have a lunch date this afternoon which means I get to leave earlier than expected! :) We are going out for Pho in Ballard, and it's going to be deeeelish! Nothing like a big pot of soup on a cold, damp, Seattle day.

Monday, September 18, 2006

A cheat from Jenny

Subject: Little known facts about me
A) Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Marketing/Catalog guru
2. Administrative Assistant
3. Assistant Director at a daycare
4. Courtesy clerk at Thriftway

B) Four movies I would watch over and over:
1. Sliding Doors
2. Anne of Green Gables
3. Monsters Inc.
4. Strictly Ballroom

C) Four places I have lived:
1. Puyallup, Washington
2. Kent, Washington
3. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
4. Los Angeles, California

D) Four TV shows I love to watch
1. Project Runway
3. Rescue Me
4. The 4400

E ) Four places I have been on vacation:
1. Italy
2. Great Britain
3. Cuba
4. Puerto Marques, Mexico

F) Websites I visit daily:
1. Jenny's Blog
2. Lena's Blog
3. Kari's Blog
4. Molly's Blog

G ) Four of my favorite foods
1. Homemade chicken noodle soup
2. Clam Chowder from Chinooks
3. Aunt Sharon's Huckleberry Pancakes
4. Halibut

H) Four places I would rather be right now
1. Los Angeles (right now I'm in Seattle for another 3 weeks)
2. Hawaii
3. New York City (never been there)
4. Paris

I) Four things I will do with abandon this week:
1. pick up my new glasses
2. go have lunch with my sister at Blue C Sushi
3. Visit Jeff and Tina in Aberdeen
4. do my own laundry, but no one else's :)

J) Four favorite ways to spend a day off:
1. Reading
2. Watching Golden Girls on DVD
3. Naps
4. Breathing in the fresh Pacific Northwest Air

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Good times

I started yesterday off with meeting Brie at our old college hangout, NPCC. It was weird to go back there as the last time I was there it was to see Matt and the rest of the DG Improv troupe perform. Their menu has changed, and they offer even more alchohol (which isn't a bad thing). It was just strange to be back in a place where I had spent so much of my college years. I didn't recognize anything, until Brie came walking through the door. We had a wonderful catch-up session, about 2 1/2 hours. We dished about husbands, families, ourselves, friends, and not-so-happy things. It was wonderful to reconnect with her.

Then it was off to Puyallup again, this time to see Lena and her family. She has 2 adorable kids, Mattias and Hailey, and she and her husband, Shaun, threw a joint birthday party. So there I was, amongst all of Shaun's relatives and a bundle of presents. It was wonderful to see Lena and see her be a mom. She is very good at her job, and the kids are so sweet. I can't say that we dished all that much, but that will come later. :) I did finally get to meet Raissa (sp?) after all this time!

Last, but not least, I was off to University Place to visit Cindy, and we had decided before that we were going to do something that required little or no money. Which, actually happened. Except for the wine and cheese I bought. I couldn't help myself - I found this wine and Cindy and I just burst out laughing because it was such a surprise. Wine is supposed to be classic and tasteful, but this is a bitch of a wine...and I'm not kidding. Very spicy and not meant to be taken lightly. We watched Walk The Line and enjoyed watching Joaquin Phoenix smoldering throughout the movie. I actually got to stay overnight and that's where I am now. Cindy's off to church (she's so good), and Emily and I are going off to do something...hopefully not the mall. I have no make-up and no hair product in, so I'd rather go somewhere where I don't have to look made-up. :)

Thursday, September 14, 2006

30 days

I can't believe it's been a month already. I can't believe it's been a month and how much my life has been altered. I haven't cracked yet. Only in bits and pieces. But it's coming. I can feel it. And when that time comes, well, I'll have no choice but to let it go through me. All I can say is that it happens when Matt is physically by my side. There's nothing like having those big bear arms wrapped around me when I'm having a breakdown.

I love you, honey, and I miss you terribly. I'll be home soon.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Remembering, or trying to

I am having trouble separating my days now. I can't seem to remember what I did one day or another. Major events, like the Puyallup (prounounced Pew-Al-Up) Fair, I remember, but little things like emails and phone calls are getting harder to recall. If I don't write it down, then forget it. In one ear and out the other.

Today I'm working on the catalog, back to it after over a month of procastination and a vacation of sorts. I can't even remember where I left off, so I just picked up at what seemed like a good spot. I hope it all works out. I'm at the building in Redmond at Mom's desk. Everything is the same, I can almost see her here. It's really weird and kinda creepy and I don't like it. I keep finding excuses to leave my desk.

I finally got ahold of my counselor and I go in next week. Thank goodness! I have so much to say but I don't know where to start and I always feel like I'm repeating myself. I love my counselor, she rules. I can't wait to talk to her.

I went to the eye doctor yesterday and ordered new glasses - that I do remember. I can't wait for them to arrive!

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Social Engagments

Yesterday I:

Went shopping with my mom in law at the faboo outlet mall and bought a bunch of stuff that I would need eventually. :) Had a great time trying on awful bras and buying really cute ones! Also found incredibly comfy sandals at Naturalizer and great layering shirts on clearance at Banana Republic.

Met Jenny for coffee, finally, and loved every minute of catching up with her (and we still have more to talk about). She is so fun, and I can't wait to hang out with her again. We dished about husbands, chatted about families, and griped and laughed about all kinds of things. I've never had so much fun at Starbucks!

Saw Stephanie for dinner and stayed out way past my bedtime. Had dinner at the Mandolin Cafe in North Tacoma and talked straight for about 4 hours. Lovely night, lovely friend, lovely conversation.

Today I:

Woke up at 8:15am after my first full night of restfull sleep all week! :D

Met Katie at school and went shopping downtown (I bought jeans, courdoroy jacket, undies, and hair product). We had a great time and I love spending time with her. I don't know if she feels the same way...

Went boating with Dad. Got to untie and tie the boat at the dock which was quite an adventure. I need to practice more and I hope he never asks me to steer!

Went out to dinner with Katherine and Julie at the India Bistro in Ballard. My favorite Indian restaurant of all time. Drank wine, had good food, and drank mango shakes. Fun was had by all! Next visit will include a new wine bar. :D

Tommorow I:

Will go to the Puyallup Fair with Katie and we will stay the night at Bryan and Brenda's house. Dad will be taking the boat to Port Townsend. Fun will be had by all (and I get to eat an Elephant Ear! Woot!).

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Thank you... my husband, who is the greatest man in this world, for putting up with me during 1am crying fests, making me laugh, supporting my family while being there for his, for taking care of me in all ways possible; Kari C. who recently lost her father, for all the midnight talks, and movies, and all her support and kindness and friendship; Jenny, who knows the pain of losing a parent and for all her posts and calls reminding me that I will eventually adjust to life without a parent, for all her love and kindness; Paige, who perhaps wrote the most beautiful post I have ever seen, for listening to me gripe about anything and nothing, for the hugs and getting me out of the house; Lena, who sends me emails to let me know she's thinking of me and my family, to comfort and support me, who is a friend I wish I could see more than once a year; Nancy and Greg, my in laws, who support my entire family with food, overnights, and perhaps the most beautiful music I have ever heard at a funeral, for laughs and conversation, and the neverending game of scrabble; Brianna, who threw me the most wonderful party and is about to give life, for all your love and energy and support even after moving and being pregnant; my sister, who I have finally recognized as a human being, whom I love and care for, who is spunky, silly, and wants to change the world; my Dad, who I admire more than I can say, and who I worry about the most; everyone who showed up at the surprise party a few weeks ago, you will never know how much that helped me, to see you there and feel your love and support; Molly, who keeps reminding me to smile; Cindy, who has her own troubles, and yet is determined to get me out of the house this month; Dawn, the master of massage therapists, for all the massages, talks, and cry fests; Keith, for the wonderful dinners, conversations, and chocolates :) ; my Aunts - Gwen, Diane, Muriel, and Sharon - you are my new mothers and I love you all in equal ways, I am so glad to know you better; my Uncles - Gregg, Terry, Dan, and John - thank you for all you do to support your wives and my Dad;

...and to Ben and Mary, who are the best kitty sitters anyone could ever ask for.

I know I've forgotten some, but I just had to post something. To all of you, thank you for all you have done. I wouldn't make it through this without you, and neither would my family.

An Ode

A friend of mine wrote this for me in a comment on a recent blog post. It's too good not to share. She is a dear dear friend, one of my best, and a fantastic writer. See for yourself...

An Ode to My Friend

She was a blaze of glory, a gentle sun, a warm blanket around the heart, the tender lift of a sullen chin. She was the mother of my best friend. Her guide star, her sustaining reminder that she is someone’s daughter, her loving reassurance that despite everything life is good, her grounding force, and the nagging strength that would push her toward independence. Now she’s gone, and my friend, looks around at those she loves wondering why. She accepts no answers because there are none to give. She struggles under the weight of the burden of loss trying to carry it on her own, occasionally leaning against her family, husband, and friends. She is a bird who has taken flight to find her direction only to find herself called home by an early winter. The weather has been deceiving but with patience and time she will fly again. She will fly in the light of her mother who is no longer left behind. She will be warmed by the blazing sun, her mother’s beauty giving her life energy and meaning that she hasn’t previously believed could exist. She will blossom without the hugs, without the kisses, without the pet names, or delicious meals. She will fascinate at a daily life in which her mother’s absence seems impossible. And with her own tears and the tears of those who love her most, she will grow in the radiating love and glory that her mother entrusted within her. She is Camille. (…and Katie, and Kari, and Anna, and Lauren, and Mike, and Patrick, and Emily, and others.)

Thank you Paige. I love you. :)

Sunday, September 03, 2006


I think one of the coolest and yet weirdest thing about living in L.A. is that you will be watching television and all of the sudden a commercial pops up. I watch it, as I do most of them, with little or no interest. Today I just happened to turn on the t.v. and on came Dunkin Donuts commercial. It was kind of interesting and then the last actor came on. He turned to the camera and I just sat there gaping. It was Briton Green, the actor who had starred in Sneaky Pete's Harem, Matt's last cycle film at AFI last term. I couldn't believe it! Of course, I called Matt right away and he was excited too. I reacted the same way when my scene partner from acting class popped up in a commercial for Carl's Junior.

I know that acting takes a lot of work, and if you're dedicated and determined and have a thick skin, you can make it. But right now I have more important things to attend to. Like Uncle Dan's end of summer BBQ and pool party. :)