Wednesday, October 31, 2007

What I love right now

My husband who has been very understanding of my moodiness and is there to calm me down and help me figure out what is really going on.

My friends who have offered to listen so that I can unload my brain, shuffle things around, and get everything organized in my head.

My therapist who has encouraged me to come to therapy once a week for the next 4 weeks to help deal with my anger, sadness, and general frustration. I told her it's going to be hard to tear down this wall that I've built up and that as I was telling her that, I could feel my brain going "NO! NO! Stop talking! Don't go there!"

Blogging. It helps me open up to you, my friends and family, and let you know how I'm doing without having to really "say" anything.

Terrible movies. I mean REALLY BAD movies. Last night I saw "Showgirls" with Elizabeth Berkley. UGH. I especially enjoyed the fake bras around the boobs. I couldn't even watch the last 10 minutes because I found the last 10 minutes a show I hadn't been watching much more interesting. And I don't feel like I missed out on anything.

The Actors Studio. On Tivo, I have saved the following episodes: The Simpsons, Robin Williams, and Alec Baldwin. Anytime I need a laugh, I just push play and almost instantly I'm laughing so hard that I'm crying.

New season of Project Runway starts November 14!! I'm so so excited!

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Rough days ahead

But little things make me laugh. Thanks Katy!

Monday, October 29, 2007

Getting personal

Did you ever have so many thoughts in your head and feelings in your heart that you just don't know where to begin? Did you ever think that if you don't express yourself soon, whether it's in anger, frustration, happiness, or confusion, that you'll just burst? Do you ever feel that you don't know who you are, but you know who you want to be, and you have no clue how to get there? Or maybe you do, but it's an awful lot of emotional work and by unraveling you'll not be this "strong" person that people think you are? Did you ever feel so close to reaching out to those who love you but decided at the last minute you'd rather just deal with it on your own?

I had some great things to say this morning on my way to work, but of course that was in the car when I can't jot down my thoughts, and I've forgotten what I really wanted to say.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

On fire

As I am sure many of you have heard by now, there are about 15 wildfires burning in Southern California. Matt and I are not directly affected, and neither are our friends. But that's not to say we aren't freaked out by the giant smoke cloud above the city every night, or by the eerily pink/red sun that appears at dusk. I check the news reports about every hour to get some sort of update. I think of all the families and animals that are displaced from their homes, hoping that their lives will soon be back to normal. I also can't help but wonder about staying in SoCal for the long-term means that our future home will eventually burn down.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

And the doctor says...

...that I have severe allegies. Here are prescriptions for 3 different medications! Claritin, Flo-nase, and the Sudafed that you have to get from behind the counter as it is the "real stuff". They even had to run my driver's license at the pharmacy to make sure I wasn't on record for making meth! The doctor said the reason I wasn't sleeping was because of my allergies, so we'll see. But yet again, I couldn't sleep last night - up for 5 hours! I called in to my manager this morning and said "I couldn't sleep, must function, need to sleep in." Everyone has been very understanding, and I hope these meds solve the problem. Of course, with the Santa Ana winds blowing like mad and the fires, my allergies are more intense.

I may also get some over-the-counter sleeping pills just in case this doens't work. My chiropractor says I have to re-set my clock. I have be in bed by 10:30 at the latest and get up at 6:30 without hitting the snooze button. I also need to exercise when I come home instead of taking a nap which will help me wake up and be more alert in the evening.

Part of the reason I couldn't sleep last night was that I was having terrible nightmares, unfortunately about my mom. I was screaming in my dream to wake up and I woke up in my dream, only to find myself hallucinating about my surroundings...I fell on the floor, and our kids walked in saying "What's wrong with you?" It was really freaky. My dreams have been like that for the past few weeks, and I'm not sure why.

Here's to new schedules, new internal clocks, and my medicated self. Woohoo!

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Happy Anniversary!

Yesterday Matt and I celebrated 6 years of being together, and we had so much fun.

We started off by him letting me sleep in until 11, and then we got ready to go see the chiropractor, Dr. Campos. He had to stagger our appointments, which was fine because there was a lovely sushi restaurant downstairs where we enjoyed our lunch. After our adjustments, we came home and promptly napped for 3 hours. We are such romantics. :)

Our original plans for dinner called for dinner at Universal City Walk but we decided to blow that off and go to The Grove. I chose the restaurant, one of my favorites in the city. I don't know the name but it's there right when you walk in. We both had pasta for dinner accompanied by a pinot noir wine from Oregon (Cindy, it's the one you like), and then the restaurant treated us to a chocoloate mousse cake for our anniversary.

Afterwards, we went to the movie theater just across the way and bought tickets for Elizabeth II. Since the movie didnt' start for 2 hours, we did some window shopping and I found a great blazer (unfortunately, not on sale) at Banana Republic. I did put it on hold but I won't be going to pick it up. We walked into various boutique stores and walked out laughing at the funny sales people with their ridiculous prices. And the movie was fantastic, I highly reccomend it. Cate Blanchett, as always, is a incredible actress and carries the movie well.

It was a wonderful day with my guy and I'm looking forward to the days to come.

Friday, October 19, 2007

An oldie but a goodie

From an older post...

Baking Cookies (with your cat)
1. Look in cookbook for cookie recipe
2. Get cup of coffee.
3. Get cat off of cookbook.
4. Find that special recipe.
5 . Get cat's nose out of coffee cup
6. Go to fridge and get eggs.7. Get dry ingredients from cupboard.
8. Break eggs in small bowl.
9. Sift dry ingredients in large bowl.
10. Answer the phone.
11. Cat ate eggs; get more from fridge.
12. Get cat out of flour bowl and dust cat off.
13. Get Band-Aids for scratches on hands.
14. Throw flour out and get more.
15. Preheat oven for cookies.
16. Looking at cat & wanting to bake cat now. Cat runs for cover into bathroom.
17. Flour the counter to roll out cookie dough.
18. Big crash in bathroom; run to see what happened.
19. Cat has TP all over floor; stuff spilled and knocked over on top of bathroom counter.
20. Yell at cat. Cat falls in toilet bowl.
21. Can sense cat is angry.
22. Take cat out of toilet to dry cat off.
23. Get bandages to cover more scratches on arms and legs.
24. Cleanup bathroom.
25. Hear a thump in kitchen ...Oh Golly ... now what?
26. Get cat off floured counter in kitchen.
27. Try to pick out cat hairs from flour.
28. Step on cat's tail and get bitten.
29. Get coat, car keys, and go to store to buy cookies!!!


Seriously. It's this week. It's gone by SO SLOWLY and it's almost over. Of course, today is not without it's challenges.

I woke up feeling pretty good, more awake than I have in weeks and cosidering I had a dream about my favorite singer, I thought the day might be off to a good start. I started the car and popped in one of my favorite CD's, cranked up the volume, and sang along all the way to work. I noticed on my way to work that I was behind a friend of mine who works in the same building which was hilarious because she didn't even see me until we pulled into the building.

I got to work and someone yelled that the voicemail wasn't working. Again. After I spent an hour on the phone with the guy from the phone company installing some new "thing" in our motherboard (mothership is more like it). Now we can't transfer calls to voicemail or even check our voicemail. Not even the main VM, which is the most important one. So I have spent 2 hours this morning dealing with the phone guy again, and he can't fix the problem. He's going to to have to send someone out to work on the system BUT no one is available to come out to the office until Monday. Lucky me. I get to take messages all frickin day long.

Again I say TGIF. At least we have a fun weekend planned and I'm looking forward to it!

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Old faces

I checked out a friend's blog today and enjoyed reading her post about the Community Garden Event in Tacoma. Then I decided to check out some of the other Tacoma-based blogs linked to her site. Lo and behold, the first one I click on belongs to a woman I went to college with. Both she and her husband were active in the theater department at PLU. I couldn't believe it. I scroll down to find picutres at PLU Homecoming with other people I had gone to school with. It struck me that the internet is random and odd, but at times it can be rather small and make you feel old and wistful!

I made a doctor's appointment for Monday. I'll keep you posted on what the doctor says.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007


Ok, we don't have kids. We don't have yardwork to do, and no one is going to school for the time being. Our life is pretty simple, after all it is just the two of us and 3 crazy cats.

But I seem to have a weird sleep schedule and I don't know what to attribute it to. I have overly colorful, extrememly vivid dreams, and often wake up once an hour but go right back to sleep. I wake up exhausted, whether having slept a full 8 hours or a measley 5 or 6 hours. Matt suggested I start working out when I get home to get my juices flowing. It's not a bad idea - I know Cindy does it and she says it releases quite a bit of stress from her day and seems like a good way to spend that transition time between work self and home self.

I do know that I need to see the doctor about these horrible allergies that I have (which could be a small cold, who knows, it's hard to tell the difference) that lead to me not being able to breathe properly...and maybe I'll bring up the subject of sleeping pills while I'm at it.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Cooking for my man

I went out with my dear friend Mary today. We went to lunch and then saw a play that our friend Elizabeth was in. I came home to find the place dark and empty. I called Matt to find out where he was and apparently he had gotten locked out! He proceded to tell me that he had fainted today, to which I immediately got into mother-mode and said that he should come home. He said he would, he'd be home in 5 minutes.

Well I was wrestling all day what to make for dinner since I had fixings for 3 recipes, and after he told me he fainted, I immediately chose "Flash Fajitas" as I thought he could use a little red meat. Within 20 minutes, we were watching re-runs of the Daily Show and chowing down.

I hope you enjoy them as much as we did!

Flash Fajitas
Real Simple

1 tablespoon olive oil
1 lb. skirt steak, cut into thirds
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1 large yellow onion, thinly sliced
1 large bell pepper (any color), thinly sliced
1 12-count package corn or small flour tortillas
Sour cream, salsa, and guacamole for serving

Heat the oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Season the steak with 1/4 teaspoon of the salt and pepper. Cook for 3 minutes. Turn and move the sides of the skillet. Add the onion and cook, sitrring occasionally, for 2 minutes. Add the bell pepper, season with the remaining salt, and cook until the vegetables are softened and the steak is medium-rare, 3 to 4 minutes more. Transfer the onion and bell pepper to a bowl. Transfer the steak to a cutting board. Place the tortillas in a microwave and warm on high for 1 1/2 minutes. SLice the steak and serve with the onion, bell pepper, sour cream, salsa, and guacamole.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Back to school?

I always thought I would go back to school for theater. I love love LOVE to act on the stage. The rehearsal process is always fun because not only do I get to create and learn about my character, I also get to know my fellow cast members and make new friends. I love being on stage, the joy of creating a new world that I get to bring to the audience for just a few hours, and the rush of happiness as I go out for curtain call and they give our cast a standing ovation! It is the greatest feeling in the world to me, and I miss it terribly.

So why don't I want to go to school for acting?

I finally came to a realization about this subjet last night while talking to Cindy. I made the decision awhile ago that I did not want the lifestyle of an actress. When you're just starting out, there's a lot of money that you have to spend for training, headshots, mailings (that you generally send out yourself), stamps, and on top of that cost of daily living. And while I have many friends who are actors/actresses and are doing their best to make a living at it, the late nights, the cost, the lifestyle is not something I desire. One of us in this business is enough, and I'm ok with that. I would rather keep acting as a hobby, audition for the plays that have characters that I can relate to and want to learn more about.

Of course, every play in this city is treated like a jumping board for those who want to act in film. It's incredibly comepetive and each person is better than the next. The one play I did audition for a few years ago completely backfired. I was terribly nervous and shaking, BUT I rocked my monologue! Then when it came to the group audition I didn't know what to do and the other actors just outshined me. While I was waiting in the hall, I came to find that they all knew each other and had all this history, which was evident when they all got on stage.

I didn't get a call as to whether I got a part in the play or not, which was fine. An audition is like a job interview. Just going can tell you quite a bit about the director, their crew, and who they want to work with. It would have been a group of aspiring, young actresses full of gossip and drama which is not what I want to invest my time in (imagine that, drama among actors!). I seek community theater, people from the same area who want to bring arts and stories to their neighbors, to take them away into another world, even for just a few hours.

So with all of this going through my head, Matt and I were on the way to my work this morning, listening to NPR. I love NPR and the stories that they tell. Every time I tune in, I hear someone new telling their stories, and it fascinates me. So far, I've heard Sara Tavares, Jimmy Carter, Stephen Colbert, and this morning was a new band called Band of Horses. It suddenly dawned on me that maybe, just maybe, when the time is right, I could go to school for journalism. I'm not really into the news (more like the headlines) but I love reading and listening to people's stories. I haven't felt this inspired in awhile, and now I want to go look on line to look at creative writing and journalism programs. :)

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

I wish...

...that I wasn't a perfectionist. My job would be easier and I wouldn't make stupid mistakes. I need to slow down and process information before moving on to the next step.

...that I was outside. Or at least had a window in my office. I can't even see the sun!

...that I was 30 which would mean that I would be going to NYC soon.

...that it was November so that Matt and I would be in wine country.

...that I could instantly drop those last 15 pounds instead of being so uber careful about what I eat, how much, and having to find an exercise plan that I'll actually stick to.

...that it was Thursday which means game night and also that the weekend is almost here.

...that it was time to go home, but alas! An hour and a half to go!

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Mac & Cheese

Ok, this is inspired by Kevin and Lena, who have posted some of their favorite recipes. Guess I better get on the bandwagon!

The following recipe is perfect for cold winter nights and/or comfort food cravings. It's my mom's recipe and it's 100 times better than the boxed variety. Enjoy!

Mom's Mac and Cheese

4 cups large elbow maccaroni noodles
3 cups shredded cheddar cheese (Tillamook is best)
2 tablespoons flour
1 cup milk
salt and pepper to taste
2 tablespoons butter
onion salt (about 1/2 - 1 teaspoon)
1 teaspoon dry mustard
(can also add chopped cooked ham)

In large pan, boil water with salt and olive oil. Add noodles and cook according to package directions. Meanwhile, melt butter in saucepan. Add flour and whisk until smooth. Add milk and spices and whisk until smooth. Bring to boil stirring occasionally. When thickened, add 2 cups of the shredded cheese and stir until smooth.

Drain noodles and put back in pot. Stir in sauce and pour into baking pan (I use an 9x9). Sprinkle rest of cheese on top. Bake 1/2 hour in 350 degree oven.

Cindy, I expect that you'll be next? :)

Taking me back

Last night on my way home I turned on the radio and heard "Kiss From A Rose" by SEAL. I couldn't believe it. The last time I heard this song was in college and before that I was obsessed with the song in high school. I couldn't get enough of it. Suddenly I was 15 again with Mike and Grace as my best friends and pining away over Chris O'Donnell...What was even more amusing is that I still knew all the words!

Monday, October 08, 2007


Every once in awhile I get bored with my blog layout. I have always liked this one. It reminds me of nightime on our rooftop with all the lights and sounds below us.

Honey, this made my year!

For Matt's 30th birthday I arranged for 4 of our closest friends from Washington State to fly down and surprise him. I had been planning this since April, and all of us were terribly excited, including Cindy and Don, because the surprise was to be held at their house! I spent Thursday in a nervous panic, trying to keep my mouth shut and staying as calm as possible as we drove out to Don and Cindy's for our regular game night.

We arrived at the house after picking up groceries for Matt's favorite dinner. Cindy and I had discussed before-hand to have the 4 guests in the gaming room so Matt would not have a clue as to what was going on (now I had told Matt that his surprise would be over the weekend so that we could get the full 'surprise' effect). So I told Matt to walk back there and drop off his bags, which he did and as he walked down the hallway Cindy and I followed to witness the following occurance.

"Hey there, how is..."

Bug eyes - double take

"What the...!!!"

Staggers back into the door, almost falling over

We got the whole thing on someone's digital camera! :)

The surprise guests were Steve, Brie, Jeff, and Tina. They were so excited to be the surprise gifts for this huge occasion. Of course, my camera sucks so everyone will have to wait to see pictures from the weekend.

Friday night was dinner at Lawry's Prime Rib in Beverly Hills. Lots of money for lots of good food, wine, and company. We had a great time, and the surprise guests were Curt and his fiancee Laurel.

Saturday was clean-Cindy's-house-and-go-shopping-for-BBQ-where-we expect-30plus-guests day. We were so tired by the end of the night I wasn't sure how any of us would fare on Sunday brunch! Cordy and Seamus, Don and Cindy's weiner dogs, were endlessly entertaining and it was great to see Matt's friends, some who I hadn't met yet. He told me at the end of the night that he felt very loved and appreciated, which is exactly what I wanted for him. (For more details on the party festivities, check out Cindy's blog.)

Sunday morning was a bit more slow paced. We gathered for brunch on our rooftop to enjoy Mimosa's, a delicious casserole, and Cindy's lovely fruit salad. It was a perfect morning - clear blue sky, palm trees, and lots of jokes and stories were told. Matt and I were sad when everyone left for the airport but eventually real life always kicks in.

At the end of the day yesterday Matt gave me a huge hug and said "Honey, this was the best birthday and the best presents. You definitely made my year."

Mission accomplished. :)

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday dear Maaaaathewwwwwwwwwww
Happy Birthday to you!

Happy Birthday to my wonderful sweet amazing husband. I hope the start of your 30's is the start everything you've been dreaming of (minus a trophy wife)!

No serious brain power required

Thanks Jenny!

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & current car), Smokey Bronco

2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (fave ice cream flavor, favorite cookie), Cookie Dough White Chocoloate Macadamia

3. YOUR “FLY Guy/Girl” NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name), C-Mes (same as Cindy's!)

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal), Purple Cat

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born), Elizabeth Seattle

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first), Van-Ca

7. SUPERHERO NAME: (”The” + 2nd favorite color, favorite drink), The Red Wine

8. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers), Wesley Richard

9. STRIPPER NAME: ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy), Vanilla Milky Way

10.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names ), Elizabeth Eugene

11. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (Your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter), Meyer Minneapolis

12. SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday, flower). Fall Sunflower

13. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now + “ie” or “y”) Pear Underweary

14. HIPPY NAME: (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree), Croissant Cherry

15. YOUR ROCKSTAR TOUR NAME: (”The” + Your fave hobby/craft, fave weather element + “Tour”),The Drawing Rain Tour