Sunday, May 31, 2009

It's all about perspective

Yesterday was supposed to be a busy day, but instead it turned into one where I didn't want to be alone and needed alcohol to settle my nerves.

On my way to Mary's baby shower, I was *this* close to being in a major accident on the freeway.

White car and I nearly merged into each other going 60mph.

Thank GOD for my heavy car, I guided her back into my lane and she just kept going.

White car suddenly spun around...and then across the left side of the freeway...and then spun all the way over to the other side...and smashed into the retaining wall.

Have you ever seen a car spin around and around on the freeway, surrounded by other cars, thinking "that could be me"? Terrifying. Absolutely. Terrifying.

I stuck around as a witness to the accident, was late to the shower, and thank God I was carpooling with Paige who helped me stay calm and distracted me from my thoughts.

I don't want to discuss any more details because I haven't heard from the nice police officer who said he'd give me a call if white car's driver decides to file a report. He didn't take my insurance information, nor did he issue me a ticket or a warning. Basically, I'm not at fault, and thankfully no one was seriously injured. A visit to the chiropractor and massage therapist is what white car's passengers need.

On my way home from the shower, after dropping Paige off at her apartment, I got back on the freeway and had to merge with the other cars. Suddenly I was 16 again, and feeling overwhelmed and scared of these cars going so fast. I noticed that I was death-gripping the steering wheel, and my entire body was tense.

Paige said I'm in shock, and I know she's right. That car could have so easily been me instead. There's nothing like witnessing something like a car spinning across the freeway twice to give me a little perspective on driving, though I don't think I'll be driving anywhere for a few days.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Back in the swing

It's been an interesting week being back home and getting back into the routine. I've fought it tooth and nail, watching movies and reading books, playing scrabble online, rather than doing what needs to be out closets, vaccuming, going over the budget again...reality is such a kick in the pants sometimes. I think about how much I want to go back to Hawaii, but then if we lived there, our problems would follow us and we'd probably be worse off since it's so expensive there, and it's even harder to find work. So I'm getting back to my positive attitude despite some financial surprises (did I mention how much I despise our car). I have a busy social weekend ahead of me, full of dinners, bbq's, and even a baby shower.

One thing that I realized during the trip, and rang very true after we returned to L.A. was that I don't believe Matt & I are here for the long term. We may be here a few years, maybe more, but this isn't where we belong. I don't feel like this is my "home". I know that if we didn't have such wonderful, supportive friends here, it would have been easier to leave L.A. altogether in February rather than simply moving to Glendale. What I need to continue working on is creating those elements that I miss about other places in my life here. Maybe join a book club, or a hiking group. Re-learn Japanese. Continue healthy habits (eating right and going swimming), keep in touch with friends that I don't get to see that often, and get that passion back for running a bed and much to think about, but I don't have to make these decisions today. I will not anticipate, rather I need to work on taking each day as it comes and being proud of what I've accomplished that day, even if all I did was feed the cats and make the bed.

And with all that, right now I just want to take a nap. Instead I'm off to work!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

More Hawaii Pics

Dad and Aunt Sharon on a lovely Sunday morning. Those mountains were our view on the other side of the deck.

Saying goodbye to Oahu. We still miss that beach.

Feeling good in my new swimsuit at Waimanalo Beach!

Crazy random cliff jumpers on the north shore!

Our fantastic accommodations!

Monday, May 25, 2009

Some Hawaii Pics

The beach at Waimanalo State Park which was just 50 yards from our cottage. It was hard to leave this place.

Dad and the boys playing Bochi Ball at Lanikai Beach.

Julia and Matt...they look different after a couple of drinks...

The view from our balcony.

The happy family. Congratulations Julia!

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Aloha from Oahu!

It's been an amzing trip so far and we still have 3 days left. We've been to Waimea Beach, Lanikai beach, dinner at Lucy's in Kailua, and twice we've been to a fantastic little place in Kailua called Boots & Kimo's where they have the most delectable macadamia nut pancakes (Emilie, when you and Matt arrive, you have to make a stop here. It's a must!). I've certainly got a tan, which will require very little work this summer. I've loved nearly every minute with my family and aside from the bickering that ensued yesterday, I realize how lucky we are to be here and together, in this place, this tropical wonder in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. I've had some time to reflect on myself and who I've become, and while I've made strides in some areas, there are still some things that I have to do. Who knows what will happen today, tomorrow, or next year? I'm going to continue to work on living in the present and what better place to do that than in Hawaii?

And being 50 yards from Waimanalo Beach doesn't hurt either. :)

Monday, May 11, 2009


Today we leave. I was packing well into the night while Matt continuously worked on his script, which I have to say worked out perfectly. His calm, focused manner allowed me to get the laundry done, sort out the clothes that I need to take as opposed to wanting to take. This morning I have just one more major task, and that is to take our car into the mechanic so they can fix our leaky radiator while we're gone.

Weather on Oahu today: 90 degrees. It'll feel just like home!

Tankini? Check.
Sunscreen? Check.

Yep, that's about all I have in my suitcase.

Saturday, May 09, 2009

Preparations for Aloha

On Monday we leave for the infamous 9 day trip to Oahu for Julia's graduation. It's really only infamous in my head because of all the planning I've done, and the craziness that's ensued with who's coming and who's not. I am thrilled to be going and yet don't feel that I deserve to go. I don't feel that I've worked hard enough to deserve such a special and fun trip, but then my friends have said I'm crazy, that I work hard, and that I should go and have fun. So I keep that in my head and I'm getting to the point where I'm not going to get down on myself anymore. We will be 50 yards from the beach for goodness sake, so I will just go and work on my tan, hike some beautiful trails, eat some good food, and have fun with my family.

We are also preparing ourselves for some good friends to move away. Our very close friends, Gayvin and Eric, are moving to Northern California (like way north of San Francisco) and while we'll see them a few more times before they leave, and during the year while they're gone, it still stings. I'm not going to dwell on it, though, because they are still here, and so are we (they move a week after we return on the 21st).

Aloha means hello and goodbye. So it's hello Oahu and goodbye friends. But neither one is forever, and I'm ok with that.

Tuesday, May 05, 2009


It's been an interesting few weeks. Lots to think about and changes are on their way (no, I'm not pregnant). It's all too overwhelming and exciting (and sad, too) to think about so to put in on the internets would take more time and energy than I'm willing to give right now. I will, eventually, but right now I need to get ready for work (which I'm enjoying) and just enjoy the process of...well, processing everything that's been happening.