Thursday, April 23, 2009

Catching Up

Courtesy of Brie. The happy newlyweds, Emily and Michael!

I went to Seattle healthy but tired, and came back to L.A. tired and with a nasty cold. I spent my first day at work in a fog of day-quil, followed by a few sleepless nights thanks to coughing and hacking. My poor husband. His first few nights back at home and his wife can't seem to stay quiet. :(
It's been a busy but good week aside from being sick. I've caught up on some posts for my blog and am thoroughly excited about my new part-time job. Working on Sunset & Fairfax is just a hoot. It's such a different community than from where I live, so it's great to go outside and people watch for a few minutes. It's wonderful to be working with and for a friend who is excellent at explaining what I need to do, especially since I've never done bookkeeping before. I feel bad interrupting her all the time!
The wedding was amazing. Em looked beautiful and Michael looked very handsome. I got to see friends that I almost never get to see during my frequent trips up North. For the first time, I felt a huge pull to move to Tacoma since we moved to L.A. back in 2005. (4 years this year, sheesh!) I know that we might be back eventually, but I'm still determined to make this city work for us and not the other way around!
All in all, it's been a good, busy, productive week. I send my heart and love out to those who had rough days today - you know who you are - and wish for good news for loved ones.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Lovely Meows

With the last weeks being so stressful and today being quite hectic - packing and cleaning up this place is hard to do by myself - my little kitties have been such a comfort to me, especially when I'm lonely/sad/scared. Here's a shoutout to my precious kitties!
Precious PJ. He's just a love.

Princess Quinn, and don't you forget it! I took her to get groomed today and the groomer gave me $5 off because she was so sweet and well behaved!

The tomboy - Bean. She's Matt's cat through and through, and misses him terribly.

Monday, April 13, 2009


We all have our limits and I have definitely reached mine. I am a moody you-know-what these days and since Matt's not here I've unfortunately been taking it out on my friends. Bursting into tears at random moments, having a hard time sleeping, finding comfort in food and friends...thank goodness I've known them long enough that they're not telling me to bugger off.

I am tired of talking about how I'm doing, how Matt's doing, how my life has been these last weeks, especially the last few days. I don't want to think about friends possibly moving, family members dying, phone inbox is full.

Check out his blog, and that'll give you a good idea of how we're both doing. Em's wedding on Saturday will be a welcome relief from the stresses of everyday life.

Saturday, April 11, 2009


When Matt & I moved to Puyallup (pronounced pew-al-up), I started a new job as assistant director of a daycare (kids from wee newborns to challenging 12 year olds). Depression set in as I hated my job but did my best because those kids deserved better. I gained weight almost immediately and was grieving my grandma's sudden passing. Days were filled with naps and eating, and more sleep. And eating. I found so much comfort in food. Finally I saw a counselor that knew what she was talking about (and I was also ready to listen), and diagnosed me with severe depression. I burst into tears and called a good friend afterwards who told me that depression isn't always a life-long struggle. Sometimes it's just temporary. So I started taking anti-depressants and for the first time in a long time, I felt normal. I didn't feel out of control. I could handle my emotions! I wasn't abnormal! Through counseling and this medication, I worked through my issues and was done with being medicated after one year. Of course, after Mom died, I went back on meds and to counseling for awhile (I'm off the meds, but still in counseling).

These days, when depression hits, I force myself to go out and distract myself from the thoughts and moods in my head. I still find a lot of comfort in food. In Washington, I'd cook a lot of comfort food to make myself feel better (and also warm myself off beacuse it was frickin cold!) Macaroni and cheese, tuna casserole, cheesecake, chicken strips, chicken noodle soup, all with salads that were heavy on cream-based dressing. It's no wonder I gained 20 pounds. Today I still struggle with my relationship with my old comforting friends. I don't buy snacks, ice cream, soda becuase I'll eat it. It's hard, but what's worth more? Drinking water and eating apple slices or feeling guilty because I ate a box of cheez-its in 2 days and now I have to work it off? It's a struggle every day for me to make the right choices when it comes to food, and lately, I need to find comfort in my real friends rather than that 1/2 pint of Ben and Jerry's that is still in my freezer.

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Like a fish in water

Gayvin and I have been going swimming 3 times a week for almost the past month and I can't believe how much I'm enjoying it. It's far less impactful on my joints and I feel as though I'm burning more calories. I think I'm even starting to show some weight loss around my mid-section which is always a good thing! I may not be a size 6 ever again, but I'm doing my best to look and feel good about the body I have been given. The best part is going with a friend and talking part of the time. Then we start doing laps and it's great to have someone else there to keep tabs and motivate you. I am motivated by her being in constant motion, always trying to keep up with her.

Every Thursday we have a little routine. We go swimming and then head over to downtown Glendale for the farmers' market to split lunch at a delightful little cafe called The Lunchbox. We split the amazing gyro sandwich - the best one since I've left Seattle - and munch to on delicious chips and a drink. All for under $10 total! With the exception of today, we then usually hit the farmers' market and wind up feeling really good about how we've spent our day and how we are being good to ourselves and our health. Going swimming always puts me at ease. I release so much pent up stress, anxiety, even anger and sadness. I wish we could go every day, but I guess 3 times a week will have to do!

Bonus to living in Southern California - I get to go swimming in an outdoor pool year-round!

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

What a day...

Nothing that $3.00 margaritas can't fix! :) Woohoo!

Well, it's a temporary fix. Matt is having a tough time in Washington and he got some bad news today. Until he shares it on his blog, or with others, it's really not my place to say on the Internet but it's safe to say that eventually, we'll be back for a funeral. I miss him terribly and wish he was coming home soon. But I'll stay tough and get through the next week because that's what I do. It's amazing when you realize your own strength. Friends help. :)

It seems that everyone is having a tough time these days. Emotions are running high, stress is rampant, and so many of my dear friends are out of work and finances are just...UGH...(need I say more?) So it's with that in mind that I'm attending church with my friend Cindy on Easter Sunday. I'm not religious, but I do consider myself spiritual, and maybe going to a place of worship with a good friend is what my spirit needs to get re-focused and re-centered.

Sunday, April 05, 2009

Random Pics

Jeremy is stah-ving! And so is Cordy, apparently!

Don's just smokin', that's all I can say.

Yeah...I snapped this picture just wanting to get a shot of the barbershop quartet, and this photo turned into something else entirely...

Matt D, Paige, and Jessica in line for a ride at DISNEYLAND!!!

Really proud of this picture. The Kyoto Grand Hotel is reflected in the water of their Garden on the 3rd floor in Downtown L.A.

By Myself

Matt is in Seattle/Tacoma for the next few weeks helping out his family.

It's a strange feeling being the one holding down the fort. For the past few years, it's been me that leaves to help out and leave him here, at home. It's a strange role reversal and suddenly it occur ed to me is how he must have felt when I was gone in Seattle for 2 months, helping Dad and Katie adjust after Mom died. How frustrated and lonely this position is, how I just want to keep myself busy and entertained, exhaust myself so it's easier to sleep at night.

He and I talked the other night and he mentioned what a strange marriage we've had. So much time apart and yet we always make it work. Our relationship certainly isn't conventional, that's for sure, but then what relationship is? Each one has a unique connection and quirks that make it tick, that make us want more from ourselves and the other person involved. These last few weeks I've certainly come to appreciate and count on friends that I'd lost that connection with. Or maybe lost is the wrong term...that connection had just been resting.

I know that famous quote "distance makes the heart grow fonder". But it's dangerous to like having the bed all to myself so I can sleep in the middle of it. It's not OK to get used to doing things my way all the time. It is difficult when the other person comes back and suddenly the old routine is back. It was really hard when I came back from those 2 months away, and emotionally I was completely spent. I imagine it will be the same for him, and the adjustment will be different because the circumstances are different. Marriage is about being together, no matter what. I never thought mine would have so much travel back and forth involved, especially by ourselves. But again, we always seem to make it work. And when the 16th rolls around and I get to see him again, this will all be worth it.

(I love you, babe. I'll be in Seattle soon. Hang in there, you're stronger than you think. :) Don't worry, I'm staying busy and I'm OK.)

Friday, April 03, 2009

There Is Hope!

It's amazing how when you really put yourself out there, really try to do the right thing, and do your best to remain positive (I've failed at that later part this week), the universe sees fit to reward you. My friend Katy has been needing some help at work for some time now, and I've been needing a part time job for a few weeks now. Will this work out? I certainly hope so and I have a meeting with the company on the 13th to see if we'd be a good fit for eachother. Matt is looking at tutoring jobs that can pay up to $35 an hour. (And if I'm not a good fit, Matt expressed interest in the job with Katy as well.) I'm not counting on anything yet, but really I am feeling much more hopeful that things just might work out (for now).

(And a big thank you to Katy for telling me about this position!)

(Thank you also to friends and family who've counseled and listened this past week. I'm extremely grateful.)