Sunday, April 05, 2009

By Myself

Matt is in Seattle/Tacoma for the next few weeks helping out his family.

It's a strange feeling being the one holding down the fort. For the past few years, it's been me that leaves to help out and leave him here, at home. It's a strange role reversal and suddenly it occur ed to me is how he must have felt when I was gone in Seattle for 2 months, helping Dad and Katie adjust after Mom died. How frustrated and lonely this position is, how I just want to keep myself busy and entertained, exhaust myself so it's easier to sleep at night.

He and I talked the other night and he mentioned what a strange marriage we've had. So much time apart and yet we always make it work. Our relationship certainly isn't conventional, that's for sure, but then what relationship is? Each one has a unique connection and quirks that make it tick, that make us want more from ourselves and the other person involved. These last few weeks I've certainly come to appreciate and count on friends that I'd lost that connection with. Or maybe lost is the wrong term...that connection had just been resting.

I know that famous quote "distance makes the heart grow fonder". But it's dangerous to like having the bed all to myself so I can sleep in the middle of it. It's not OK to get used to doing things my way all the time. It is difficult when the other person comes back and suddenly the old routine is back. It was really hard when I came back from those 2 months away, and emotionally I was completely spent. I imagine it will be the same for him, and the adjustment will be different because the circumstances are different. Marriage is about being together, no matter what. I never thought mine would have so much travel back and forth involved, especially by ourselves. But again, we always seem to make it work. And when the 16th rolls around and I get to see him again, this will all be worth it.

(I love you, babe. I'll be in Seattle soon. Hang in there, you're stronger than you think. :) Don't worry, I'm staying busy and I'm OK.)

1 comment:

Mel said...

Wow - I haven't stopped by in awhile but what a perfect time to stop in! I have come to the conclusion that there is not a normal marriage! We started ours out with the hubby gone 2 wks a month and then after a couple years it got to 1 wk a I'm used to him being home and he's going back to a job where he'll be traveling! Crazy to some but "normal" to us. And I do think it's normal to enjoy being able to stretch out on the bed - I love being able to do that but I also love it when he comes home (even though it means I have to share).

What I have found is to try and enjoy being on your own doing things you love that the he might not be as crazy about doing and enjoy girl time. Then when he's home enjoy doing things together as a couple. I think it has strengthened us because we both are very independent people yet when we're together we truly love doing things together and we grow as a couple because we are able to grow individually as well. If that makes any sense. Love ya!!