Saturday, August 23, 2008

B. w/ D.

Battle with depression.

I hate it. Usually I'm fine with everyday and so cut me off, why doesn't my phone get reception here, I am so sick of the heat...etc. But yesterday we got some bad news about one of Matt's projects. The network turned it down. It was going so well, it had gotten further than any other project in terms of almost getting a deal that would pay big bucks. But no, the one VP couldn't wrap the idea around his head and BAM! Dream shot down.

I tend to bounce back fairly quickly after getting news that hinders Matt's work, and gets him feeling like "What's the point." I can be positive and upbeat, and say "It's ok, baby, this isn't your fault, the big one is just around the corner." But this one hurt. It stings. I was the one who burst into tears when Matt gave me the news. I makes me think "What's the point?" I know we've been here for a few years and we've come so far already. However, it's times like these where we just want to toss in the towel and say "F--- it!" and move back to Washington with our tails between our legs.

We've come so far already, though, and to give up now would hurt even more. So we'll keep slugging along. But know that for the next few days, it's going to be hard to feel cheery when all I want to do is just burst into tears and have my own pity party on the outside.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

GenCon Recovery

Tip: When your husband's movie premieres, you know, the one he's been working on for 5 years, try to not scream at the top of your lungs all the time because it will turn into slight laryngitis and then a cold by the time you get home.

GenCon was AMAZING!! I had so much fun. It was like I was back in college again with my friends and the whole weekend was essentially one big party. We stayed up till 4am, went to Karaoke, ate great food, and I even smoked my first cigar (well, little bits, it's not my cup of tea really). I also got to know some amazing people, like Jamie and Renee Chambers from Margaret Weiss, and Sean Reynolds from Paizo. We shared a hotel room with Brian Lewis, and his wife Tiffany, which was great because we don't get to spend much time with them. All in all, I can't wait to go again next year.

For more details on GenCon, check out hubby's blog. And to view pictures, check out Photobucket. Here's a few to give you an idea of how much fun we had!

top to bottom: Chris and Tree, Nathan and Sean, and what can happen at Karaoke night if you're not careful.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Thoughts on this new decade...

1. This is going to be the year I get in shape. Boot Camp, here I come! My goal is to get in shape just so I can get chubby again, if you get my drift. :)

2. Los Angeles is really growing on me. My friends, the weather, all the artistic opportunities that are at your feet (even though I can't afford them right now), and the bounty of farmers markets. Not to mention the beach, the desert, the woods, are all within a reasonable distance.

3. I still dream of running a B&B someday, but I know now that may not happen for some time, and that's ok. Matt's career is just on the cusp of taking off, and I'm so exicted to see what happens in the next year.

4. No one has asked my age yet, so I've not had to say "Thirty" out loud. But in my mind, it just sounds funny. And my throat catches every time I say it at home. It's odd. Did anyone else have a reaction?

5. We are taking off for GenCon tonight. We were in Seattle last week. I may be going to Spokane in the next few weeks. Next travel plans: Christmas. I am tired of airports and living out of suitcases.

6. I've been thinking about Mom a lot these last few days, and seeing "Mamma Mia" again yesterday didn't help. There's a scene between the mother and the daughter getting ready for the wedding, and Gayvin and I just burst into tears. Tomorrow marks the 2 year anniversary and I don't know how I'll be. I could be ok, I could be an emotional mess. Who knows?

7. Please send healing wishes to my Grandpa. He's been diagnosed with cancer for the 4th time and it's not looking good.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Turning 30? Already?

I'm turning 30.

On Sunday.

This past year I've been so excited and thrilled about starting this new decade, where everything is supposed to come together, where I'm no longer "a baby" but I'm not old either. But last week I suddenly realized that I'M TURNING 30. And I'm starting to freak out. I don't know where this came from. I don't anticipate everything "heading south" when the clock strikes 9:52pm on Sunday night. And I wonder if it has to do with the expectations I had as a kid, where I expected to be by the time I was 30. But I didn't, and I still don't. So why the anxiety?

In any case, I know that for some people, birthdays can be less of a party and it's just another day. But for me, I look forward to it every year. A definite excuse to have a good time with family and friends, to party hardy, and to celebrate how far I've come, and that I'm still around.

(And I hope to be carded at the store on my birthday. That would be a nice gift.)