I'm trying somthing new. Through google email, I can actually type a document and publish it directly through my blog rather than logging into the blogger site. We'll see if it looks halfway decent and actually works. (It didn't.)
Last night was acting class and it went really well. I had a breakthrough. Even though I am a very emotional person I've been working very hard at staying in control, which has been detrimental to my acting. I just hold it all in and "act" my way through it which is something Cliff has been trying to get me to stop since I started class in November of 2005. Finally, last week, during taping, after a terrible first take, he asked me why I kept "acting" so frustrated and angry throughout the entire scene. I could only say "I just want....I mean, I...." and then burst into tears. Then the cameras rolled, and I had a breakthrough. It felt really good. I'm on the next step, finally something has clicked.
It's odd, grieving the loss of a parent. I mean, grieving is one thing. I have grieved grandparents, relatives I barely know, and colleagues of my parents. None of my friends have died, no children I know, no Aunts or Uncles. So to lose someone that I was so close to, it's the hardest thing I've ever done, to try and accept it. And last night Cliff started talking about death, and for the second time in a row, in class, I just burst into tears. I haven't been crying lately. I don't cry at home or even at therapy. For some reason, class is the place where it just comes out. And my eyes are puffy this morning, but I don't feel so sad right now. I'm sure that will come up again the week after next, when we start a whole new session.
One last thing - one of my favorite blogs is written by Molly. She has a way with words and even pictures that is refreshing and thoughtful. She lets us into her life with tidbits of info, and always making me wonder what she'll have to say next.