I had to call my aunt due to my feelings about possible occurances at my Dad's birthday party this weekend. She gave me tough love, things that I didn't want to hear, but I knew she was right (I spoke to someone about this on Monday, you know who you are, sorry I didn't hear you then!). She said "Call your Dad, find out what's happening, and then talk to Katie. Keep me posted."
Well after all that, possible occurances are not happening but I did tell Dad some things that wer very very hard. And while I feel good about having "grown-up" a little bit more, every time that happens I feel a little lost and a little sad, like I've lost part of myself. I don't know that I can explain it very well. I do know that in the past six months my relationship with my Dad has grown leaps and bounds. But in some ways, I feel like retracting to the thought of "This wouldn't be happening if she were still alive." And I know that's a bad thought, because it will stunt my ability to move on. But it's only a thought, and I can overcome my thoughts/feelings and do what's right.