Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Isn't It Ironic?

I have a very dear friend, Kari C., who lost her father suddenly 2 weeks ago. She and I met through our dads 21 years ago at t-ball practice. They started talking which meant we started talking. She and I have never gone to the same schools, never really had the same group of friends, but always celebrated each other's birthdays and went to Italy together 6 years ago after we graduated from college.

Now, we are losing a parent. At the same time. I have 2 other dear friends, Jenny and Pat, who have lost a mother or a father in the last few years. I think it is never easy to lose a parent, you're never prepared, but at this age we still so desperately need them for guidance and reassurance and in some cases, approval.

I regret that my mom will never see her grandchildren and miss my calls to her when I don't know what to do and need her advice. I regret that she won't see my sister graduate from high school in a few years, and watch her go to college and get married. I am so mad, so confused, I don't understand why it has to be her. Why does she have to go? Why is it her time? Why does she have to be taken away? I drive myself mad with these questions and I haven't found any answers.


Jon said...

The other day I was listening to some spiritual material and the presenter (Wayne Dyer) suggested that we are not human beings having a spiritual experience, but spiritual beings having a temporary human experience. This comforts me, especially when I look up at the painting of my grandfather, Earnest John McPhalen, and feel certain that he's with me always, just in different form.

Now, I would love to go spend a day fishing with him, even though fishing is not my favorite thing -- but it was his, and being around him when he was fishing was just magical. Since I can’t right now, I remember how good it felt to be with him when he was [physically] here.

Your mom will always be with you, Camille, and she will witness the wonderful unfolding of your life with Matt. Communications will be different, of course, but I believe that if you choose, they will be there....

Jenny said...

Baby girl, there is no fair with this stuff. There are lots of questions, and the answers will never come easy. But it's alright and perfectly normal to be very mad about it right now. Let's find a time where I can come up and see you.

Jon, what a lovely statement. Thank you.

Laura said...

I came across your blog, Camille, from Lena's--don't know if you'd remember me from college or not. We were Lute Ambassadors together waaaay back in the day. I was in the honors program with Matt, too. I'm so sorry to hear about your mother, and I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you and praying for you. I can't imagine how hard it must be, but I do want you to know of another small voice out there working on your case, as my mother would say.