Monday, September 27, 2010

Last weekend was opening weekend and it was amazing. It felt so good to be on stage again, and the comradary amongst the actors and crew was incredible. Saturday I delivered my best performance yet, thanks to an earlier melt-down in which I had to brace myself to stop crying. I saved the rest of the misery for the show, and whammo. Just nailed it. I felt better. Or so I thought.

Sunday I woke up tired. My voice was groggy. I slept in as much as I could and then headed off to the theater. I still felt sad. And I couldn't place it. So I tried to use it again for the show, but it felt small and, well, like acting.

Today it's muggy. And raining. Gray and cloudy. My mood hasn't shifted. And I've been feeling many things. Saturday I cried because I just randomly missed Mom. Sunday I was sad because opening weekend was done. And today? I thought it might be the shift in weather. That I miss the sun, that I miss the beach, and my favorite restaurants. And then it hit me. I really miss Los Angeles.

Maybe I don't miss the city persay. I don't miss the nasty air, and the clogged traffic. I don't miss the feeling that I'm fat and whalish because I'm not tall or a size 4. I don't miss the noise, the crowds, the traffic. But I miss my friends. I really miss my friends. I am lonely. And while I love my husband, and enjoy spending our time together, especially on the way to and from work every weekday, I miss being social on a regular basis. I miss potlucks and guitar hero. I miss movies, and drinks, and crepes, swimming in an outdoor pool, random barbeques, wine country adventures, and all the other things Los Angeles had to offer. I realize that I've not been available to do these things. I know my life has changed. (Not to mention rehearsals 5 or more days per week for the last six weeks.) And I know my friends here in Tacoma/Seattle have their own lives, and plans. I get that, I really do. But I just feel lonely. Am I not reaching out enough? Probably. I guess what I need to do is figure out how my California self is going to fit in to the Washington lifestyle. Into this new life that I am building for myself and with my hubby.

But first, I'm going to be sad about not being in California. Just for a little while. It's strange, it feels like homesickness.


K T said...

Well we missed you on Saturday! Still hopeful for catching your show in October!

KandJ said...

Oh I wish we lived closer. Having you in Washington still feels like having you in LA:( For the record, I miss LA too and I'm not from there:) Haha.