Friday, September 17, 2010

Sometimes...

...I wish I didn't care so much. A friend of mine is going through what I went through about 4 years ago. It's not that I'm being flooded with memories and that my grief is overwhelming me once more. It's that someone I care about is in pain, and there is nothing I can do for them.

...I wish I didn't look towards the future with a heavy heart. I miss my positive attitude these days. And while on the outside I'm happy and perky, inside I feel like I'm about to explode. I really need to start exercising again.

...I wish my self-confidence didn't have anything to do with other people's approval of me. That I could just believe in myself on my own.

...I wish I didn't get so easily distracted.

...I wish I could just go out and take what I want, instead of saying "Oh, that's 10 years down the road..."

But in spite of all of this, I am happy, and very joyful to be part of a production again. Opening night is just a week away, and I am so excited to see how everything is coming together. It's going to be a fabulous show.

1 comment:

Janet & Robert said...

Camille,

You have something special to bring to your friend. Empathy! You understand that no one really knows how it feels to go through this, because it is unique for everyone. There are lots of common points to share, however. Just be there. You have to remember the friends that were just there for you....

It must be a tough and intense week, so eat well, make sure you get good protein, grab some cat naps to help you catch up.

The future. Sometimes we just have to let the future take care of itself, so take pleasure in every small bit of now you can grab. Believe it or not, you can store up some resilience from tiny bits of good to carry you to the next moment.

Mr. PAUL NEWMAN: (As Sully Sullivan) You know what I used to do when I was your age and I got scared? I try to be brave for exactly a minute, and the next time I try to be brave for two minutes.

From Janet with love.