Saturday, July 31, 2010

Ups and Downs

It's safe to say that it's summer, finally, and with summer comes feelings that I'm now quite familiar with. It's that time of year again, and at the start of every July I think that I'm going to be ok, that this is the summer I'll pull through and not be an emotional mess. Yet by the end of July, here I am, laughing one minute and crying the next.

This is why I haven't been blogging. For some reason this year, I am primarily just staying quiet. She's been frequenting my dreams more these last few nights, which has been nice (and why Arnold Schwarzenegger showed up, I'll never know). What has been interesting is talking to friends and Matt about where I have been these last few summers, and how much I've grown, how much I've changed, and where my emotional state has been. I think this year's summer is the one of true acceptance. And I think the difference for this whole year in general is grief versus missing. I miss her every day, I think of her every day. But for only a few weeks in the summer, I grieve that she is no longer physically here. Does that make any sense? Not that it matters. It makes sense to me. :)

1 comment:

In the Boonies Mama said...

It isn't crazy to take time and remember your mom. I think it makes her very lucky to have had a daughter like you. *Hugs* to you and your memories!