When I choose to stay up at night with chocolate, water, and a glass of wine when I'm home alone and Matt's out of town, I choose to stay up late and watch movies to take my mind of things, so I can just exhaust myself and go straight to sleep. Funny thing is that all the movies and tv shows on tonight deal with mothers and children.
And I'm not that upset, I'm not even crying. I can feel myself separating the movie from my emotions so that I can simply enjoy it. Is that healthy? I'm not sure. All I wanted to do was escape, and yet everything that came on, even most of the commercials, had some sort of mother reference.
Sometimes I let it in. Let it overwhelm me until I count to 20 or 30, however long I can stand it. Then I push it aside again. I just can't deal all at once. I know that's healthy. Right?