Pictures from Cambria

For Cindy, a picture of Matt's Sandwich - turkey, pesto, goat cheese, roasted red peppers on fresh ciabatta bread.

We went for a hike at the start of sunset before dinner, and there were these cool driftwood benches. If we ever lived near the water, I'd love to have one in our yard.

Just up the hill outside of town. It's good to be on vacation and celebrating each other!

A panoramic shot of the beach just south of Cambria.

Wine, dessert, and my best friend.

For details on our trip, visit hubby's blog. He put our trip into words that I can't muster at the moment.

Interesting

Last night I had a tough time sleeping. I was anxious and upset for no particular reason but with Matt out of town and being all by myself with my thoughts, my mind just started racing. I had a terrible time falling asleep and once I did, I had this wonderful dream where I got to see an old friend. I dreamed that it was my mom's memorial service and there he was. I gave my friend a huge hug and felt so happy to see him. I promised that we'd catch up after the service but that for the time being, I had to greet other people who were arriving. To make a long story short, I didn't make it to the memorial for whatever reason and missed seeing my friend. I was so overwhelmed and upset that I just wailed. Cried so hard that I was heaving, huge alligator tears, and totally red in the face. But I did wake up feeling better, and I was thinking this morning how interesting it is that sometimes we do in our dreams what is so hard for us to do in real life.

Outta here!

We're just about to take off for our much needed anniversary trip to Cambria, CA. We are staying at a lovely little inn just across the street from Moonstone Beach. I cannot WAIT to get out of the city and away from the noise that comes from living just a mile from a major hospital. I've noticed a trend in the last few years...we always seem to schedule our getaways about every 6-8 months. We just need to rejuvinate and get re-foucsed, re-motivated. It's also nice to get away from the internet, tv, and the distractions of everyday life. We really do reconnect as a couple on these trips and that is definitely my favorite part.

(Thanks again to Matt and Jessica for watching our meows while we're away.)

Happy Anniversary!

Can you believe it, babe? Seven years tomorrow and we're still here. It's been an amazing, sometimes difficult (and yet interesting) journey, but I wouldn't be here with out you and I'm so blessed to have you in my life. Here's to another 7 years filled with you, me, and whatever (and whoever) awaits us! Love you always!!

xoxoxo

Wedding Weekend

Most of you know that my dear friend Kari M. got married last weekend and that I was in the wedding. It was great to see so many of my college girlfriends. Some I hadn't seen or spoken to since graduation while others I only see very intermittantly. Most of them had lived in the famed Wheeler house and one point or another. Then at the wedding, I got to see some more college friends and it just turned into a huge reunion.

The Bridesmaids: (l-r) Lewissa, myself, and Amanda.

Kari looked absolutely stunning and Paul looked good too. They had a very classy wedding day, full of smiles and positive energy, and I couldn't be happier for them! (More pictures to follow later on.)

The lovely bride and one of the mimes at the reception.

Progress

I just wanted to thank everyone for their comments and support about my depression issues last week. It passed, as I knew it would. You all gave me some serious things to think about, specifically what moving on means to me and to have joy even in tears. Yesterday I opened that recipe box again to make chicken soup, and to my surprise, even though I felt sad, I remembered what Noreen had to say, which was to "eat up!" and it made me smile. So thank you, friends and family, for getting me through this. I'm on the other side now, and feeling good.

Don't vote!

Recipe Box

Just after Matt and I got married my Mom made me a recipe box. It's got index cards with her handwriting on them, and some of the recipe cards are written in her handwriting while others are printed. Going through this box is always an emotional ride, and Saturday morning (which was Matt's birthday) I decided to make Dutch Baby pancakes (see cooking blog for recipe). I have not picked up this box in quite sometime because I always wind up crying. Well I didn't cry on Saturday and I was pretty proud of myself. But when I push things aside, they always come back.

This afternoon I posted the above recipe and had to get the box out again. As I put it back, I came across her pie crust recipe, a classic one that brings back so many memories. She and my Grandma Elizabeth (her Mom) were famous in our family for their pie creations. I'm not so sure how I'll do as the years go by. Anyway, as I came to the last recipe, the tears just started falling down my cheeks. It was the recipe for Cabbage Rolls, which was my favorite dish. As the years went by and I moved away, she'd make it for me every time I came home. And even as I type I can't keep from crying.

You see, her birthday is tomorrow and I'm having such a difficult time moving on. Ever since the second anniversary passed in August, I just can't seem to shake this overwhelming feeling of sadness. Everything I do seems to bring her back into my mind. Maybe posting about this will help, maybe moving on would help. In some ways I feel like I have moved on and in other ways I feel stuck. There are moments such as these where it just hits you that this person, your loved one is GONE and they're never coming back. It just sucks...you know? I don't know how else to put it. Except that I miss her terribly and like a little girl, I just want my mom.

It only took me 5 hours...

But I got them! Thanks to Paige for driving me around. I had such fun perusing the mall with you!

It's hot today...

...among other things. Where did this muggy, humid, sticky weather come from? I mean it's October for pete's sakes. I guess I'm still a Northwest girl at heart because I expect wind and rain at any minute rather than nights where even a sheet at night is too much...when we have to keep the a/c on at night (and can I just say how grateful we are for central air conditioning right now). Hopefully it will cool down over the weekend as it is hubby's birthday and I want him to be comfortable doing whatever it is he wants to do.

At the moment I'm at Paige's place. We're going to have lunch and then go shoe shopping. She needs comfy "standing all day" shoes and I need a pair of shoes to match 2 dresses that look vastly different from each other. If I can find a deal, I'll get two pairs, but I'm pretty specific on the look, so if I can't find one I know I can find the other. As most of you know, Kari is getting married next weekend and I have a fabulous DVF dress that I snagged for an insane discount and it's perfect for the rehearsal dinner next Friday night. My bridesmaid's dress was also insanely cheap, and it's beautiful to boot. My initial plan is to buy a pair of pointy black shoes that will match both, but if I can swing it, I'd love to get a pair of cream colored pumps to go with my BM dress, while finding a pair of pointy black shoes to go with the DVF dress. We'll see what happens, and yes, after the wedding, I'll post pictures. It's sure to be a classy affair.

And last but certainly not least, Matt does have a job! I'm very proud of him and it's a really good fit. The hours aren't much and the pay isn't what we'd like, but he's got his foot in the door and that's what matters. You can read all about it here!

Post No. 1

I have started another blog - yes, that's all I need, another website to maintain - but I'm really excited about it, and I hope you'll stop by and check it out.

As you know, one of our favorite areas in California is the Central Coast, specifically San Luis Obispo County. And since we go up so often, I thought it would be fun to start a blog documenting our favorite places to stay, where we've gone, our favorite restaurants, etc. It will help me, er...US, figure out what to do next time we go. And since our next trip is coming up next month, I thought I'd better get started.

Enjoy, and please let me know what you think!

http://liveslo.blogspot.com/

I laughed so hard, I cried!

Results

This is my 4th week of Fitness Bootcamp and I'm already noticing fabulous results. Already my arms are stronger and more defined - my biceps are really strong - and my triceps are starting to get more definition. Also, I'm excited for the day when I will not "wave goodbye with my whole arm". My waist is getting smaller and my shirts are looser. Matt and my friends say they can notice weight loss in my face, neck, and waist. My legs aren't looking as good as I'd like them to, but that will come with time as I've already signed up for the next session.

Today while we were doing lunges, I was thinking of all the reps I had done this morning, and how without this class, I'd give up so much sooner than going the full hour. Here's what I think I did today:

Ran/walked 2 miles at least;

3 or 4 sets of lunges (20 each), push ups (various applications, probably over 50), crunches (60), and I'm sure there's more, I just can't remember them all.

Running up the hill backwards...twice;

Monday we did the Bermuda Triangle, which is basically this giant planter that you step on with one leg all the way around, and usually Ricardo (the trainer) has us go around it twice on each leg. Sometimes 3 times. And then you run up the stairs 3-5 times. And then go for a running lap...you get the idea. Anyway, my hamstrings are still sore from the planter on Monday and today during my laps I seriously thought my upper legs had turned into lead. But you just push through and walk when you have to. Suddenly, you're further along than you thought!

I take a nap (after a shower and breakfast) from about 10 to noon because my body is so exhausted. And even with that, I am sleeping better at night and feeling much better about myself. Hubby is swimming over 3 miles a week, and both of us are significantly noticing how much better we feel about ourselves and each other.

P.S. As most of you know, we went to Spokane recently to visit my Dad's side of the family. Please see hubby's blog for a recount of our travels.

Wedding time!

No no, I'm not getting married. Been there, done that, and still going at it. :)

My dear friend Kari is getting married next month and today is her bridal shower. I am up at this awful hour on a Saturday to go get munchies from the bakery in West Hollywood and then drive to Pasadena to help with favors. I am the hostess with the mostess, though Kari and her Mom have done much of the planning and have simply asked me to help with little details.

All of this has brought back memories of our wedding, especially with our anniversary coming up. We had so much fun, and I think if we could do it all over again, we would, but on a much smaller scale!

P.S. Don, those vodka drinks you made last night tasted like liquid candy. You are not only the grillmaster but a mixmaster too!

Traveled Out

So here's where I've gone sine May of this year:

May - Santa Barbara wine country with hubby, Katy, Jeremy, Don, and Cindy;

July - Solo trip to Spokane;

August - Hubby and I went to Seattle, drove all over, and then came home just in time for me to turn 30. THEN we left a few days later for GenCon in Indiana.

September - Just got back yesterday from visiting relatives in Spokane.

Future trips:

Ocotober - It marks Matt's birthday and our 7th anniversary! We plan on going to Cambria for a few days, but we'll see how that goes with his new job!!

November - We plan on staying home for the holidays, but found an amzaing travel deal through Alaska Airlines, so we might go up to Seattle the week before Thanksiving to celebrate with the 'rents.

December - No question we'll be gone for at least a few days, but I can almost garauntee that next Christmas we'll be in Los Angeles.

May of 2010 - Julia graduates from college and I'm hoping that we'll make it to Hawaii to celebrate this major event with her.

I'm tired. Matt's tired. But we can't really complain because Lena travels by herself with 2 young children overseas. She is the champion!

Real quick:

-Bootcamp is totally kicking my butt. Literally. I couldn't walk well on Friday but slowly over the weekend my legs have returned to normal. Just in time for Bootcamp this morning. :) At least this week the sessions are broken up a little bit. My motivation is how awesome I will look by the end of the 5 months, not to mention how amazing my muscle definition will be by Christmas. And I'll be healthy too. :)

-Gamers: Dorkness Rising will soon be available at Target! You can buy it now at Paizo, Amazon, and rent it from Netflix (where it has a very long wait). I'm so proud! Hopefully soon it will also be available at Blockbuster and/or Hollywood Video. Stay tuned for more updates.

Gotta go! I'm gonna be late!

Back to work

Everything is finally set up for me to really make some headway for work. Right now I'm in the process of transferring all the text and images that Mom had gathered for the catalog to the FTP site. Then it's a matter of figuring out what we still carry, which ones we don't, and which ones are on their way out. It's a massive undertaking - however, the fact that I'm home, listening to Pandora, and still in my PJ's makes for a very nice work environment.

Tomorrow I start back up with fitness bootcamp and I can't wait, though I'm a little afraid of how sore my muscles are going to be. I'm scheduled to go 3 days a week, and since this is a 3 day week for camp, I need to go all three days. I've asked Matt to help drag my sorry butt out of bed, and on Friday, to literally gently yank my tired legs onto the floor. I know to drink lots of water and take warm baths to relax my future aching muscles. If anyone else has suggestions on how to relieve sore muscles, please let me know.

Next weekend Matt and I head off to Spokane to visit Grandpa. He's not well, but he's not in such dire health that he's unconcious. Quite the contrary, he's up and about as much as he can be. He's on better medication that relieves the pain. Unfortunately, they had to take away his car, and he can't work in the yard as much as he'd like to. But I'm looking forward to spending more time with him. Matt hasn't been in over 3 years, so this will be a great time for him and that side of the family to spend some time together. Speaking of which, I should call Grandpa today and also rent a car at the Spokane airport. We might need one...

B. w/ D.

Battle with depression.

I hate it. Usually I'm fine with everyday things...so and so cut me off, why doesn't my phone get reception here, I am so sick of the heat...etc. But yesterday we got some bad news about one of Matt's projects. The network turned it down. It was going so well, it had gotten further than any other project in terms of almost getting a deal that would pay big bucks. But no, the one VP couldn't wrap the idea around his head and BAM! Dream shot down.

I tend to bounce back fairly quickly after getting news that hinders Matt's work, and gets him feeling like "What's the point." I can be positive and upbeat, and say "It's ok, baby, this isn't your fault, the big one is just around the corner." But this one hurt. It stings. I was the one who burst into tears when Matt gave me the news. I makes me think "What's the point?" I know we've been here for a few years and we've come so far already. However, it's times like these where we just want to toss in the towel and say "F--- it!" and move back to Washington with our tails between our legs.

We've come so far already, though, and to give up now would hurt even more. So we'll keep slugging along. But know that for the next few days, it's going to be hard to feel cheery when all I want to do is just burst into tears and have my own pity party on the outside.

GenCon Recovery

Tip: When your husband's movie premieres, you know, the one he's been working on for 5 years, try to not scream at the top of your lungs all the time because it will turn into slight laryngitis and then a cold by the time you get home.

GenCon was AMAZING!! I had so much fun. It was like I was back in college again with my friends and the whole weekend was essentially one big party. We stayed up till 4am, went to Karaoke, ate great food, and I even smoked my first cigar (well, little bits, it's not my cup of tea really). I also got to know some amazing people, like Jamie and Renee Chambers from Margaret Weiss, and Sean Reynolds from Paizo. We shared a hotel room with Brian Lewis, and his wife Tiffany, which was great because we don't get to spend much time with them. All in all, I can't wait to go again next year.

For more details on GenCon, check out hubby's blog. And to view pictures, check out Photobucket. Here's a few to give you an idea of how much fun we had!

top to bottom: Chris and Tree, Nathan and Sean, and what can happen at Karaoke night if you're not careful.

Thoughts on this new decade...

1. This is going to be the year I get in shape. Boot Camp, here I come! My goal is to get in shape just so I can get chubby again, if you get my drift. :)

2. Los Angeles is really growing on me. My friends, the weather, all the artistic opportunities that are at your feet (even though I can't afford them right now), and the bounty of farmers markets. Not to mention the beach, the desert, the woods, are all within a reasonable distance.

3. I still dream of running a B&B someday, but I know now that may not happen for some time, and that's ok. Matt's career is just on the cusp of taking off, and I'm so exicted to see what happens in the next year.

4. No one has asked my age yet, so I've not had to say "Thirty" out loud. But in my mind, it just sounds funny. And my throat catches every time I say it at home. It's odd. Did anyone else have a reaction?

5. We are taking off for GenCon tonight. We were in Seattle last week. I may be going to Spokane in the next few weeks. Next travel plans: Christmas. I am tired of airports and living out of suitcases.

6. I've been thinking about Mom a lot these last few days, and seeing "Mamma Mia" again yesterday didn't help. There's a scene between the mother and the daughter getting ready for the wedding, and Gayvin and I just burst into tears. Tomorrow marks the 2 year anniversary and I don't know how I'll be. I could be ok, I could be an emotional mess. Who knows?

7. Please send healing wishes to my Grandpa. He's been diagnosed with cancer for the 4th time and it's not looking good.