What's the deal?

Issue number one: I want to know why there seems to be an influx of people dying in just these last few weeks, not to mention last year. A old college friend, her mother passed; Schteffi's bf, his grandmother passed away; A's husband's grandmother, not to mention her 3 grandmothers all last year, Heath Ledger...death seems to be on the mind lately. I checked a few other blogs and there were recent posts about beloved ones lost long ago or recently. I found out yesterday that my new co-worker, her mom had passed 4 years ago and our COO's mother had passed this month...all this mourning and yet celebration of memories...I'm really trying to process all of this.

It's never easy, no matter what the circumstances. Expected or unexpected, the loss is hard to fill and we just want them back in our lives...I guess that seems like a pretty selfish statement, but really, isn't that what part of grief is about? Figuring out how to move on without them?

My heart goes out to all of you who have lost loved ones, be it recently or long ago.

Issue Number Two: THE RAIN. I know we need it but come on now. Our old car is making squeaking noises because the brakes and belts are so wet from driving through the standing water. Not to mention, I can't seem to stay dry for very long. This isn't Seattle rain, this is dessert downpour. Please let it stop soon. Cindy needs to take her dogs for a walk, not to mention we want to go on another hike!

Weekend Update

This weekend was really fun, and we spent the majority of it with our friends Cindy, Don, Katy, and Jeremy.

We got off to a very healthy and active start with us girls heading off to the Paramount Ranch in the Santa Monica Mountains for a hike with the doggies. When the dogs got out of the car, the first 10 minutes or so were spent picking up "presents" they left in the parking lot. We headed off to the trail head and came across the set from Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman which was really neat except they had all the windows boarded up, which was a bummer (another bummer is no pictures - I forgot mine and Cindy's batteries died). But we moved on and found a trail head...

...that lead to a bunch of dead trees to walk through. Then Katy tood Max off his leash and he bounded off up in to the hills where we couldn't see him! Katy called him back and instead of going around the fallen dead tree, he decided to climb through all the branches. He was so cute trying to figure out how to get back to "the boss", scuffling around and finally he got a determined look and just dove right under it, I wish we had a video of it, he was so much fun to watch.

During the hike I got quite a few lessons on how to be a doggie mommy, for when Matt and I get a dog someday (We dream of a Corgie named Parva), and got some great tips from them on how to walk a dog the "Dog Whisperer" way, but it didn't quite work. Cordy and Seamus didn't recognize me as a boss so I took the backpack from Cindy and let her walk the doggies, which worked out well for all of us. When I was walking them, it felt like they were walking me!

After the hike, we piled in the car only to discover that Max had ticks! The off-road doggie had picked up a few friends along the way and unfortunately one buried himself near his leg. So we pulled over at a fire station and got some oil and matches...to make a long story short that didn't work and we got the thing out at Don and Cindy's place, only to discover that Cordy had one too! I was really impressed with the level of calmness that Cindy and Katy had while handling Max and Cordy.

Saturday night we got together at Don and Cindy's house for a night of gaming as Cindy wanted to try out Teensy (sp?), her new charater for the campaign. As it turned out, Matt hadn't created his character fully, but that was ok, and we had a great time implementing all these charater's peronalities...tonight the story continues and I'm really looking forward to it.

Sunday I ran errands and we hosted the gang over for the AFC championship, rooting for San Diego (and they lost, of course). Some of us were not interested in football so we played some card games. By halftime, it was obvious that the Patriots would win so we settled for watching some TiVoed episodes of South Park, American Dad, etc. It was really fun to host, especially since Jeremy and Katy hadn't seen our place before. Bean offered additonal entertainment as she has that cone around her neck due to her recent surgery.

This weekend Paige/Stephanie is in town and I can't wait to see her. I'm not sure what we're going to do, but if it's not pouring I think a day trip to the beach will be involved.

Customer Service

I'm not going to reflect on the phone conversation I just had because that means the snoody caller will win. In light of my personality make-over, this is really to find out why I reacted the way I did.

Every once in awhile, we all get a snoody caller or visitor, someone who is agressive and eventually cops an attitude. When I sense this, I immediately get defensive and incredibly nervous, as if they're a bomb about to go off. I revert back to childish ways of handling these situations, and then after it's done, I can't seem to let it go. I feel guilty for not living up the level of customer service I generally have, think of phrases that would have been more useful, etc. And I just have to take a few deep breaths and let it go. But there's this nagging sense that I've failed somehow, and in the grand scheme of things, this isn't really a big deal. AT ALL. So why is it that I react this way? Why do I let the little things get to me? I have some ideas, but they aren't exactly blog-appropriate.

All in all, I think I do a pretty good job here, and need to remember that maybe I didn't help one person today, but think of all the people I do help each day, and the repoire I've generated with so many of our candidates. That's what I need to focus on.

Brain Rumblings

I have been having some thoughts lately, some good, some bad, and I'm not sure what to do with them.

First thought is my resolution to talk less and listen more...I don't know if it's working. Each time I catch myself yapping, I wonder if I'm talking selfishly or about a topic that is of interest to people? Frankly, mostly what I talk about seems to be negative, and I don't want want to be a negative person. It's mostly frustration with some people in my life, and trying to figure out how to best approach them next time I feel frustrated. But most of the things that do urk me tend to be little things, then the little things build and then I just explode. That's not healthy. So it's up to me to find ways to let this out, and I think surrournding myself with positive people, continuing to search for new job opportunities (I have an interview on Tuesday, we'll see what happens), enjoying the moment, and developing a realistic exercise plan will be highly effective in my "personality makeover" for 2008.

Second thought is how much I want my own business. For many of you, this is the first you've heard of it, but Matt has known for years how much I would love to run a bed and breakfast. I love to host, and I've been told I come alive when I have a group of people at my home. For Christmas, Matt got me a couple of books on running a B&B, and so far, it hasn't scared me off. In fact, it's just gotten me more motivated to develop a rough business plan.

There's a phrase that really gets to me - "It's not personal, it's business." To me, business is personal. You don't have to be buddy buddy with everyone but you can be professional and respectful. And that's what I have been missing in my last few jobs. So for the new year, I made a resolution in my current workplace - I have been working on my attitude. Being more friendly but professional, curt but nice, and it seems to be working. People are responding and in a positive way, which makes me want to continue to improve.

I know the kind of person I want to be but still be myself. I am making my way through my grief and I need to remember that this is a day-to-day process.

Tummy Troubles

My recent post on Cooking Kama Sutras:

Since this is a cooking and thus food based blog, I shall spare the details. But be warned that my future recipes, at least for the next month, will be citrus free. This includes no tomatoes, limes, lemons, onions (I can only have them if they are well cooked), and I'm also supposed to avoid chocolate and caffeine...hah! One list at at time folks.

I must say I didn't realize that tomatoes are in practically every pre-cooked fast-food at the grocery store so this will be a challenge. This leaves out most foods where I get my natural vitamin C plus most Mexican and Italian dishes - my favorite kinds! Alas, I will be challenged in my tiny-kitchen to come up with non-tummy-abrasive dishes that are still tasty.

Stay tuned!

Frickin Money

That's the nice way of saying it.

With the writer's strike still going strong and the cost of living skyrocketing, Matt and I are having to get creative on how to save money every month. Now we've had these conversations before and while we can be good for a few weeks or even a few months, something always happens where we fall off the wagon and then scramble to get back on.

Writers Strike = hiring freeze. Golden Globes = loss of $10 million for our city, and that's just one day. Everyone is affected, whether you're in the industry or not. It's not happy. And not. getting. better.

With that, we've decided to cut out some things:

1. (Sorry Jenny) Bikram Yoga. I. love. it. But it's costly and frankly I don't go enough to offset the cost. I will use up the sessions that I have left (and no, I didn't go on Sunday, but plan to go on Friday), and then find free things to do until we have the budget for yoga.

2. Cable. GASP! I know. I'm so excited! But there's hardly any new shows coming up in the next few months, and honestly, all of them are streamed on the web (which we'll do only if the show is a must see) or we can get them from Netflix on DVD. I am thrilled because I am a re-run junkie and this will free up my time to live life and get things done around the home. I have no self-control when it comes to TV, but when it comes to movies, I must make the time to sit for 2 hours. It's weird.

3. Eating out. Once a week, perhaps twice at the most. Though I did hear a report on NPR that the cost of eating in is getting so expensive it's almost the same as eating out. However, there is a certain feeling of satisfaction when cooking a meal for our little family. Of course, my weakness will always be eating out at lunchtime because I absolutely must leave the office. The phones drive me nuts.

With constant communication and support from one another, I know Matt and I can do this! :)

Reflections

The community of Blogs is an interesting one. Through one I find another and another, until I've found a host of internet friends - people that I knew in college or another time in life, and people that I know only through the online world.

So today I visited a site that is always fun to read, and clicked on a blog that is written by an old college friend.

I read that her mom died suddnely on Saturday after a stroke.

The first thing I thought of was "What do I say?" It's a strange feeling, knowing what someone must be feeling, but not exactly. I got the chance to say goodbye, knowing Mom wouldn't make it past the month, whereas her Mom passed away so suddenly. All I could say was that she should grieve her loss and celebrate her Mom's life in her own way, and to rely on those who have rallied around her.

I wish I could say "I can't imagine what you're going through" except that I know, and there have been so many moments in just this new year where it has hit me and I can't make the tears stop. It's just so blasted unfair sometimes that I can hardly stand it. And it's not fair. At all. And while I know that part of getting older is saying goodbye to those who raised you, it just seems so unfair to say goodbye when they are just beginning that second part of their life, where you think you might have kids sooner rather than later, where you can begin to really enjoy your time together. And then they are gone. Whether you're with them and it's expected, or it's sudden, it's never easy, it's never really "expected". I always hoped and wished for a miracle, that she would get better, that her spirit and body would survive and we'd all be ok, life would go back to the way it was. But it never will, and so we must live with this hole that may be patched but never filled.

All in all, I just miss her. I can still hear her voice saying my name, that she loves me, calling me sweetheart, and her laugh. But as my college friend said, "I was lucky to have her for as long as I did."

Girls Night Out

As I posted earlier, Michelle took me to see Kathy Griffin at the Kodak Theater (couldn't get pictures inside, they took my camera!) and we had so much fun. Below is the two of us just after wolfing down dinner. All the restaurants at Hollywood and Highland were full so we found a little French Dip place that would have tasted better, I'm sure, had we not scarfed it down while practically running to the theater. Above is a shadow of Michelle doing her best post in front of the restaurant where we had dessert after the show. Just below the pepsi sign is the Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, and thus explains Michelle's fabulous pose.

I miss her already and I hope she comes back soon for another visit!

Our furry friends - aren't they cute?

From top to bottom:

PJ asking to play, hiding while I'm making cookies;

Quinn sleeping on the tower, playing with the camera;

Bean sleeping after a long day of play.

Mah-belle

My good friend Michelle is in town from Alaska. Poor thing is all on her own as I am stuck in the office trying to make up the money that I will lose from not having enough vacation days - I hate vacation policies - but nonetheless it's been so fun to have her here! Tuesday night we went to the Grove and had dinner at a Greek Restaurant. Apparently they don't have a greek eatery in Anchorage, so it was a treat for her and we introduced her to Spanikopita. Yum-o, if I do say so myself!

It was then off to Victoria's Secret's semi-annual sale where I found some cute and appropriate every-day undergarmets and then to meet Matt at the lobby of the movie theater. We saw I Am Legend. Has anyone else seen this movie? If so, what did you think? I heard reviews of it's either you love it or you hate it. Well I loved the first part but then after awhile, it seemed as though they switched writers and I was really disappointed. But the first half is totally worth it and I remembered why I don't see movies with zombies - I hate being terrified, especially at the movies.

Wednesday night was gaming night at Don and Cindy's and that was very fun. Michelle had never seen a D&D game before (believe me, I am still a noob) and I always enjoy introducing friends to each other. Cindy made a fantastic chili from Cooking Light and Michelle brought Apricot beer. In addition, we had quite the dramatic night for our characters!

Tonight Michelle is taking me to the Kodak Theater (where the Oscars might just happen, who knows?) to see Kathy Griffin. It's not so much for the comdienne as it is to just sit in those seats that grace the rear-ends of Hollywood stars.

Awake

This happened a few months ago where I had a stomach ache for 2 days. Now I'm awake in the middle of the night after hardly any sleep with another stomach ache. I've taken some Tums and drank some milk, it's not going away. It's quite uncomfortable and all I want to do is to go back to bed, but the pain is quite distracting when trying to fall asleep.

It's going to be a long day.

New and improved

In the new year there is always talk of what our resolutions will be and these always, almost always, fail for me. I love the start of a new year, the feeling of wiping the slate clean and setting goals for myself. I have some ideas of what I'd like to do this year, some are on my own, some are with Matt, and some deal with relating to other people.

• Listening more and talking less. I really feel that I'm always talking about "memememe" and to be a better person and friend, I really need to listen to what people are saying.
• To have a date night with my hubby at least once a week. I miss spending quality time with him.
• To work out when I have the energy. Every year I say "work out 3x a week" but that almost never happens. So, whether it's yoga or my ballet video, I'm going to shoot for 2-3 times a week and do the best I can. It's also about portion control and drinking more water, which contributes to feeling better about myself, especially when I step on a scale.
• To take voice lessons. Check! My first voice lesson is with Katy on Sunday and I'm really excited.
• To find what I do like about my job and focus on that. To take what I have control of and run with it.
• To develop a draft of a business plan for a bed & breakfast.
• To find a new job, even if it's later in the year.

I guess my goal is to become a better person, but still be myself and not be afraid to just be who I am, while still learning from my friends and family, and embracing each day as it comes and not panicking about the future.

Matt's New Year's Kiss

My husband the hussy. He'll make out with anyone! Many girls can complain that they have no one to kiss at midnight on new years, and I had no idea Cordy felt so strongly about my husband. Look at her go!'

A minorly disturbing point is that Matt doesn't push her away...

Back to work

Luckily it's only a half day which means I have about 4 hours to get caught up on all my paperwork and then Wedensday (day off tomorrow, yes!) I can focus on purging all of our old files. I guess it's good to be back, though this morning I could have slept in a little bit more.

Katie has been in town for the past few days and it's been fun to have her here. Yesterday we went shopping for the after- christmas sales and had fun, though after about 3 hours we'd had enough. We watched Hairspray and ordered in Thai food from my favorite place, Pink Pepper. Today we'll have lunch when I get home and then she leaves tonight at 6 for a new year's party in Seattle. Such the jet-setter! Tonight Matt and I will head over to Don and Cindy's for an evening of food, fun, and games. I'm looking forward to it!

Have a happy and safe New Years celebration!

Home again

Well I'm back in L.A. now and after cleaning up after the kitties (having been home alone for 4 days with no humans) - to which I will not describe in detail except to Matt - I have a sore back and the starts of another cold. Tonight I will dine on Thai food and catch up on movies. Tomorrow holds a trip to Rite Aid, Ralph's, and Cindy's Birthday Dinner! I hope to have our new digital camera charged and ready for tomorrow's celebration. If not, the old one will have to do until Matt gets back and can hook it up for me.

It's windy and blustery tonight. On the plane, the pilot announced that it was 62 in Burbank to which all the passengers sounded their joy. What he forgot to mention was that it would be terribly windy and cold upon landing at the Burbank airport! Oh well. After yesterday's 29 degree high, this feels like the Bahamas.

It's good to be home.

Merry Christmas!

I can't believe it. It's SNOWING. What a special gift! Had we stayed in California we wouldn't get to experience this wonderful moment with Matt's family.

Happy Christmas to all and to all a Merry night!

Much Better

This year's holiday is much better. Less stress (aside from the flat tire on our rental car...sigh...) and more fun. The only thing I have noticed is that it has been raining ever since I arrived aside from some brief sunshine on Saturday in Tacoma. I don't miss the wind and the rain together...that damp cold that takes forever to warm up from. But I do miss the green, our friends and family. It's been a wonderful vacation. And an extra bonus is that I got all my Christmas shopping done earlier than expected so I don't have to go to the mall today. Phew!

Today we are at Matt's parents house and I will spend most of the afternoon with Nancy, making cookies and the breakfast brunch casserole for tomorrow morning. The kid in me always comes out on Christmas morning. I can't wait to see what "Santa" has left under the tree, though I already know what a few of the pretty packages hold.

I hope your holidays are as smooth as possible and you're having fun with your family and friends!

Tail of a kitty

Rudy.

Our big tabby. He lives with my dad and my sister now, and he's kind of a diva/bully. A diva because he knows what he wants and he'll wake you up in the middle of the night to get it, or stand on your chest just as you're waking up to get some food (when he already has some in is bowl). He also has this really funny meow that Matt and I call the "diva meow." Mind you, this is a 20 pound cat, and when he meows, it sounds a little pathetic. He almost squeaks, and his lower jaw wobbles. It's quite adorable and amusing, and the first time he did it as a kitten, Matt and I in unison went "AW!"

He is a big of a bully, however, and gave my sister's cat, Coconut, a bit of a serious injury where she had to have surgery a few weeks ago. He's a tomcat, always needing to be first in the pack and in charge. I know Matt really misses him, but Rudy really enjoys his life here and is able to be outside which is something we would never be able to give him. Plus, there is no way we could add another cat to our mix. No thank you! If we ever got a house, then maybe, just maybe, Rudy could come to California....maybe....

I write this because guess who woke me up at 7am and decided he needed some food when he already had some in his bowl?

Northwest Bound and the big 18

Well I'm here and believe it or not, the rain decided to take a break. Not that it's sunny, mind you! It's completely overcast and chilly, but I love it. It feels completely normal. Now ask me tonight when we go out to dinner at Todai, ask me how I'm feeling when I go to bed in the basement, shivering under the covers and asking Dad if we can turn on the heat. I shiver just thinking about it!

The flight went really smoothly after we found out it was delayed for 50 minutes (apparently due to the Seattle weather, hah!) As most of you know, last year we did not have a Christmas tree at the house which I found rather upsetting. So this year, on the way home from the airport, we stopped by a place near Greelake and picked one out! It's outside now, drying off and we'll decorate it tomorrow with a friend of Katie's who's never decorated a tree before.

Today is Katie's 18th birthday, which is just amazing to me. I remember when she was just a baby, holding her for the first time at the hospital. I remember her having 2 boyfriends in pre-school, and her love for math at the very start. She is a great person and I love how spirited and independent she is. Happy Birthday, lil' sis! :)

Sign of the times

From the Macy's website:

We'll be right with you.
It's a little crowded in here right now, and to make sure everyone enjoys shopping with us, we're asking new visitors to wait here a few moments while other shoppers finish up. We'll refresh your browser and welcome you in momentarily. Thanks for your patience!

Ah, this is the life

When I think of Hollywood, I think of glamarous pah-ties, fast cars, lavish gifts, and cool clothes.

I do not live that lifestyle.

BUT

Now I can tell you that I have been drunk-dialed by my hairdresser at 12:30am.

Conversation (and her 3rd phone call):

Me: Nicole?

Nicole: Hey babe, where are you?

Me: Are you okay? It's 12:30.

Nicole: (woohoo's in the background) Yeah, I'm good. What are you doing?

Me: SLEEPING!

Nicole: Well go back to sleep then.

*click*

And now I can't stop laughing! I got drunk dialed. WOOOHOO!

Wish List

Dear Santa,

Just a few little things this year....I don't need anything really, I have a roof over my head, a job, food in the fridge, and a wonderful hubby. These are just things that would make life a little more fun and a little easier...

A counter top spice rack. This one would be particulary helpful as we have little counter space and I'm having to store our spices in 2 different places.

Gift certificates at any of the following places: Togo's, Sephora, Ann Taylor, Macy's, , Bikram Yoga Silverlake, Bath and Bodyworks, The Arclight.

The following movies on DVD: Hairspray(2007), Anne of Green Gables, The Bourne movies (Identity, Supremacy, and Ultimatum).

Clothing: Dress socks, black and/or brown dress pants, a brown coat that can be worn out and about and at the office, fun but solid color work shirts, shoes (size 7.5).

Random stuff: Kitchen towels, a springfoam pan, christmas ornaments, herbal or black tea, a tea set (link is just an example).

And a digital camera. Please?

Thank you and happy holidays! :)

Weekend update

I had a great weekend except for the fact that I didn't make it to yoga. What is my problem? Oh right. I'm l-a-z-y. Big surprise.

Friday night I went to bed at a decent hour after catching up on America's Next Top Model and Project Runway via TiVO but as usual woke up in the middle of the night but wasn't up for long. I got up around 7am, got some things done around the apartment, and headed off to Christmas Tea with Kari and Amanda. Poor Amanda's car doesn't work so she bused it out to Studio City where I picked her up and after dropping off Katy's book in Burbank, we headed out to Montrose's T-Room.

This place was completely charming and their christmas tea blend was really delicious. We found out that the owner orders it from Germany and she had to double order for this year because it's so popular. There were lots of goodies on the tray including a delicious turkey sandwich and fresh scones with devonshire cream. Yum! We windowshopped for a bit until I had to leave for my haircut appointment and it was back to Burbank. My hairdresser, Nicole, is awesome. I adore her. She gets that I don't take much time to style my hair, and she's so much fun to talk to because she is so different from me. She and her boyfriend spent Thanksgiving in Paris (yes, as in the Paris) and now she wants to move there. We gossiped about the other hairdressers, the men in our lives, and made plans to get together after I return from Seattle.

Speaking of which, I take off next Wednesday, which is also Katie's 18th birthday. I can't believe I can leave for for 9 WHOLE DAYS!! I'm more excited about that, I think, that actually going up North, but I'm sure the excitement (along with a little trepidation) will kick in once I get on the plane next week. Matt will join me up there on the 22nd. Already family plans have tied up the last few days of our visit, but that's ok. It's why we're there in the first place. Again, I repeat our saving grace will be the rental car. Freedom = sanity. And I mean that in absolutely no offense to any family members who might be reading. Matt and I need our own time during these family visits, and often times the only way we're able to talk in private and have some quite time is when we're in the car driving to our next destination.

And on the note of my sister's birthday, any ideas on what to get an 18 year old? I'm old and totally out of the loop.

Wow, that was a bit of a tangent. Back to the weekend!

Let's see, after the haircut I dropped off the drycleaning and was home around 4. I had no desire to go to yoga after running around everywhere all dizzy darn day. So we tuned into a movie, played some games, and then...it hit...

...the worst case of indigestion. I don't know what it was, I don't care because it's gone now, but it took about 12 hours for it to disappear. I was distracted from it when we went to buy our fake tree though! Yes, we bought a tree and it looks so beautiful! I need to borrow someone's digital camera so I can take pictures. It's pre-lit with white lights. We bought some cheapie red and green ornaments, and then used our own to fill in the gaps. It reminds me of the trees Dad used to cut from our backyeard. You can see the "trunk" but it's utterly charming and we absolutely love it. So far, only 1 nice ornament and 2 cheapie ones have been attacked, but not destroyed.

Sunday, as predicted, I spent the whole day in my pajamas and did nothing. It was awesome!

And now, it's Monday. Sigh. Back to work. But only for a few more days!

It's FRIDAY!!!!

Thank goodness. Anyone in agreement with me?

Plans for the weekend include a Christmas Tea with Amanda and Kari, returning Katy's overdue library book (that I never even got to finish), shopping for christmas decorations, decorating the apartment, a much needed haircut at my favorite salon, and lots and lots and lots of sleep. Oh, and yoga. Can't forget that.

T-minus 12 days to trip to Seattle. Thinking of presents that I want to bring with me and which ones I'll shop for when I get up there.

My body and brain are completely exhausted, I can't wait for Sunday where we will be staying home. ALL DAY. I plan on spending it in my pajamas.

Not a good start to the day

• Boss chewed me out when I thought was being helpful but actually made things worse;
• Just found out that my friend's dad died suddenly;
• I've had it with snippy/snotty co-worker, ready to bite back at her next time;
• So frickin tired, have not been sleeping well again and will need a nap when I get to Cindy and Don's place tonight (will wake up when the session begins);
• Frustrated and frazzled with holiday plans, trying to keep up with all the changes and requests, and at the same time figuring out what Matt and I need and want to do;

It's just a bad day. I can take it. I can. I will not break down, I'm stronger than this.

400+ posts...

..and still going...

In conjunction with Jenny, I prefer to not air drama out on the blogs as this blog is quite public. I don't mind airing my personal thoughts out to you folks, but it's safe to say that I'd rather not "air my dirty laundry in public". It's safe to say that most of you know what's stressing me out these last few weeks leading up to the holidays and all I can say is that I'm dealing the best way I can, which includes some over-eating, a great therapist, getting back into my yoga regimen, good friends who listen to me repeat this over and over, and most of all, a patient, loving husband who puts up with my mood swings.

I talked to my Dad this afternoon on my lunch break and suggested that the 3 of us go out to get a tree together when I arrive on the 19th. I'm so excited! Last year was so incredibly different from all other Christmas days and to top it off, I wasn't really in the best of moods. We all tried so hard, but the year of "Firsts" is always painful. The holidays are especially rough because she made them so very special. Matt and I are now in the midst of planning with both families, sorting out who we will see when.

Is there anything that can make this easier?

Yes.

A RENTAL CAR.

Driving all over Western Washington, putting miles on someone else's car is my idea of fabulous. And since we may have to get a second car next year, it's a great way to try out some possibilities.

God help us all!

Thanks to Jill, this video confirmed that most white men cannot dance nor rap, and it is not an enjoyable experience to watch. In fact, I found it rather disturbing!



Thankfully there is Barack Obama, offering free dance lessons on the Ellen DeGeneres show:

Thanksgiving Weekend

Okay, here goes: (Note: Pictures are from the internet as our digital camera is stinky. Picture here and below is courtesey of Uncle Jim and Aunt Beth's lovely working camera.)

Wednesday: Woke up sick as a dog and called in sick to work. Spent the rest of the day sleeping and slowly packing for our upcoming overnight drive to Fairfield. I gabbed all day to Matt about possibly canceling our trip but then I didn't like the idea of bailing on relatives and being alone on Thanksgiving. We were really looking forward to our trip, aside from Sicky McGee feeling, well, sicky.

Thursday: We left the kitties with plenty of food and water, and took off about 3:30am. We got on I-5 with zero traffic - I remember at one point there were just 4 cars on our side of the freeway. I didn't fall asleep until after breakfast at Jack in the Crack somewhere over on the other side of the San Fernando Mountains.

I woke up around 5:30am to Matt pulling over near some orchards and mumbling how he needed a nap before he could continue driving. Totally ok! No accidents please! So he pulled over and fell asleep. At this point I was wide awake, enjoying the peace of country life. I really wanted to go out and walk around but brrrrrrr!!!! It was cold. Wish I had my stinky camera, there were some great shots that would have made for good blogging.

We arrived in Fairfield, CA around 10am (I think?) exhausted and full of drive-thru food (blech). Our legs needed to be stretched and I just wanted to go to bed. I was completely impressed with Jim and Beth's home. It was beautiful! Sweeping views of Green Valley included nearby vineyards, beautiful homes, and farmland. Jim said it was his dream home and he would be sad to leave next year (he commutes 1.5 hours to Sonoma every day). They also had a hotub which Matt took advantage of every night.

After an hour of gabbing and catching up, Matt and I headed to bed, becoming unconcious almost immediately. I slept as long as possible because I was feeling worse. I made myself respectable and headed out to the family room full of people and more arriving by the minute. (Family tree: Jim is Matt's Uncle on his mom's side, Beth is Aunt by marriage, and everyone else was from Beth's side of the family). I think there must have been 20 people over for dinner and it was really fun to get to know all of these new faces. I think my favorite guest was Beth's mom, Grandma Peg. She was a hoot and such a kind woman. She made me realize how much I missed having a grandma in my life. She also made me think about how you can never be too old to travel - she is in her 80's and going to Egypt next year!

Around 7:30 I had started to fade, and by 8:00 Grandma Peg told me for the third time to go to bed. I obeyed, and fell into a deep sleep, waking up only to take care of cold related issues.

Friday: I woke up feeling much better, and Matt felt very relaxed. We hadn't watched TV, checked our email, or even listened to a radio in over a day. A life without technology - it was great! After some discussion over breakfast (homemade oatmeal, pears, and tea), we decided Napa Wine Country sounded like the best plan. Low key, close by, and of course, wine! We had so much fun going in and out of Beth's favorite stores, including a little clothing boutique where I was allowed to indulge in a new pair of jeans, a scarf, and a pair of earrings. Matt and Jim tried on a few hats...We ended our day in Napa with a great dinner at Taylor's Refresher which included yummy garlic fries. When we got home, Jim and Matt hit the hot tub while Beth and I talked and read books by the fireplace. We can't wait to go back and try out the Napa Wine Train next time!

More details to come on our day in San Francisco - I need to get back to work!

Real quick

We had a great Thanksgiving with Matt's side of the family. We headed up to Fairfield, CA to visit Uncle Jim, Aunt Beth, and cousins Leah and Kaitlin. We were the only family from Jim's side at dinner. Everyone else was from Beth's side but it was great to meet them and get to eat some fantastic food. Friday we went to Napa Wine Country and Saturday we spent in San Francisco. We ended the weekend with a side-trip to South San Fran to see the Dickens Fair and visit with friends Jeremy and Katy. We got home this morning around 3:30.

Unfortunately I woke up with a bad cold on Wednesday and was sick for the entire weekend. I started feeling better on Friday and by this morning I realized I had been through the worst of it. I'm still stuffy, but the only thing I mind is having to go back to work tomorrow. UGH.

I will post more details about our trip later. Right now it's time for more rest.

Little Ballerina

I'm not sure how many of you are familiar with the Pacific Northwest Ballet Company in Seattle. I danced there from 2nd to 5th grade, and even got a part in the battle scene in their annual Nutcracker show. Every night, my parents would take me to the Seattle Opera House (which has since been demolished). I would walk backstage and through the corridors to see the Seattle Symphony musicians gettin their instruments from their lockers. I'd find my mirror and my costume in the dressing room, get my hair in a bun on the top of my head, and go through the make-up line. My mom even volunteered to help with make-up and put on my round-red cheeks (created by cutting a hole in a tupperware lid and smooshing it on my face) one night. It was a magical and memorable experience that will stay with me for a very long time.

I stopped dancing at PNB when I was 12. They wanted me to come to class 4 times a week and I wanted to be a kid. So I started taking jazz and tap at a small studio in the neighborhood. It wasn't much. I actually gained weight while there. My mom did her homework and found another neighborhood studio that taught jazz and ballet, and would I like to audition? I jumped at the chance. I was promptly told that my turnout was too "turned out" and my fingers created the "wrong" sillouhette. But I decided that this was the place for me, and proceeded to sign up with Ballet Arts Magnolia. I was with them for 4 years before I was told that even though I wanted to be a dancer, I didn't have the body for it. With that, and my grades going down, my parents and I decided to just stick with the 1 day a week jazz class.

To this day I miss ballet terribly but won't go back. I have tried ballet classes in the past and it's rough on my joints. I have ankle and knee issues due to all the jumping, pointing, leaping, and for whatever reason, I can't stand up straight to save my life. But I'll never forget those days in the Opera House, or my final solo with Ballet Arts. There was something magical about the expression of dance that will always stay with me.

The above video is from a movie that PNB put out years ago. The featured clip is the Peacock Dance from their Nutcracker production. When I was little, that was the role I wanted.

Say what?

I'm not a huge Celine Dion fan, but this is pretty entertaining!

A good weekend so far

Last night I went to Yoga and it felt really good. I was a good girl and kept myself hydrated all day, and it really helped with my overall workout. I still had to sit down and escaped to the air-conditioned bathroom a few times. But within the first few minutes, I was already sweating and by the time class was over, I had a nice glow. I was so proud of myself for going and the best part was that there weren't very many people in the class. Since it was Friday night, I guess everyone went out. I also enjoyed the instructor's pace of the class. She kept the room a little cooler so we were able to go a little faster which meant we ended a little earlier. :) I was home by 8:15.

Tonight I get to see friends which will be fun. Amanda, Kari, and Paul (Kari's fiancee) are coming over to see our place and then we're heading out to thai food down the street. Then we're off to Magic Mountain for a special roller-coaster evening. Apparently, Paul's employer has worked out a "magic" deal where employees and their friends can enjoy the park by themselves for 6 hours! I'm really excited to go as I haven't been to Magic Mountain in over a year and I hear they have some amazing roller coasters. It will also be nice to spend some time with Amanda and Kari as I rarely see them anymore. Hopefully Matt will still be able to come. Poor guy has a migraine right now. :(

I've been asked quite a few times about the writers strike and how it's affecting us. I will blog about that later, perhaps when I feel a little more positive about the situation.

Smile for the camera!

Attempting to "vogue" at Curt and Laurel's wedding.

Paige and I in wine country. I think this was our 2nd winery? :)

Our friends Don and Cindy. Aren't they a cute couple?

I "borrowed" these pictures from Cindy's blog. She has more posted on her site, including some of her very cute doggies!

It's good ? to be back

I went back to Bikram Yoga on Sunday morning at the ungodly hour of 8am. And it felt great! The bonus was that I got a super parking spot right outside the studio. I was barely with it on my way to my car, but with Tom Petty singing on the way home, I felt very calm and at peace which I haven't felt in such a long time. I couldn't wait to go back.

Another bonus to Sunday's practice - my favorite instructor was there! His name is Tavi, and he is just amazing. Which reminds me, I need to call the studio and find out which classes he teaches. He makes the session so enjoyable and relaxing and I feel like he really cares about each person in the class.

Come Monday afternoon at work, I stood up and almost had to sit back down again, the pain was so intense! I must have pulled a muscle in my calf that makes it difficult to stand and walk after a few hours of sitting at my desk, watching tv, etc. So I'm trying to get up once an hour and just walk around. Stretching doesn't seem to help. I'm so miffed. I was hoping to go back tonight but I think I'll wait. I don't want to antagonize this little injury any further. I think I'll go back on Saturday morning. Even though 8am is ungodly early, the studio is not humid which make the practice much easier for me. Hopefully my leg will be feeling better by then. Even if it's not, I may go back anyway as it would be good to stretch it out and as long as I listen to my body during practice, I should be fine. Just being in that hot room is enough to get a good work out!

Inspired by someone I barely know

About a year and a half ago, my friend Celena introduced me to a wonderful workout called Bikram Yoga. I fell in love with it almost immediately, despite the naseua from the heat and the sore muscles the next day (later I found out it's one the poses that makes me feel ill, so I just started skipping that particular step until I felt stronger). Anyway, I recently found a blog written by an old aquaintance and theater buff I knew in college (what does SB mean?). I found out that she practices Bikram Yoga too! I thought to myself "If she can do it, so can I. She commutes from Tacoma to the eastside every day, for petes sake. And remember it helped you lose 10 pounds in 6 weeks?"

So I am going to commit to Bikram again. Twice a week - once after work and once on the weekends. They say you have to go twice a week minimum to get the maximum results and I can do that. The closest studio has a session late at night that I really enjoyed. There's also one in Studio City that has a session at 10pm, which my manager goes to. I told her next time she goes to let me know so that I could join her and experience a new place.

Now this yoga costs moolah. And we don't have a lot of it. I've been spending my allowance on eating out to lunch everyday, keeping it as cheap and as healthy as possible. If I'm to start yoga, I must find an alternative. I have found a room in our office that is not being used, has a great view of the lot and the park, and has no phone! I can easily eat in there and read a book. I'm also going to research nearby parks for when I have the car and need to escape. I'll allow myself to eat out on Thursdays, and maybe a Friday or two.

Save money and get healthy at the same time. I can do this!

Introspective

Thanks, Cindy!

life would be simpler if... the writers strike was over and matt got signed by an agent.

i feel most beautiful... when i'm laughing.

the quality i like most about myself... how i can find the positive in the negative, no matter what the situation is.

the quality i like least about myself is... i can't seem to find the right words to express myself when i'm talking.

something that no one knows about me is... i have a hard time being around strong women sometimes because i want to be like them instead of my irritating self.

something I'm proud of... sticking out this job even though i've now been bored for hours. we need the money and at least i have a job!

guiltiest pleasure? cookies and milk after 10pm.

high road or low road? High

my favorite possession is... my new wool coat

when i was little, i wanted to be... a marine biologist. i was fascinated with the sea.

what surprises me most about my adult life is... that seeing your friends and family every so often is acceptable and how tired i am after a "long" day at work.

the big decision i'm currently wrestling with is... how to be a better human being and to put forth the postive engery i so desperately want in my own life. and what will we do if the writer's strike doesn't end before we have to pay back the loans?

It's cold for us!

Freezing at night, shivering under the sheets and wearing fleeces when I get home. Hot cups of decaf pumpkin spice lattes from Starbucks, wearing my wool coat at work, and it's just barely enough.

I am a weather wimp and proud of it. When it's 100 degrees in the summer, 60 degrees in the winter is cold!

So proud!

Last night was the end of a long day. We had to return the rental car last night and pick up our car from the shop (since we are driving an 800 mile round trip to San Francisco in 2 weeks we wanted to have the car looked at, thank goodness we did because there was a small oil leak). Due to traffic, we couldn't return the rental car by 6 but we could pick up our car. All of the sudden we were a two-car family! But only for a night. :P Anyway, Matt dropped me off at the dealer's to pick up our car and headed home, only to find traffic on Hollywood Blvd at a standstill (10 minutes later I had no problems...that is, until I got to Western). He was tired and frustrated and hungry. So was I. After a long day at work, the last thing I wanted to do was cook. He suggested ordering in but I was tired of the options and knew I could make something much better for him. So, I settled for me having leftovers and making him his own dish. Luckily, I had planned this dish out already and the bonus was it's one of his favorites.

Since our new blog is for new recipes only, I'll post it here. Enjoy!

Sausage and Peppers
from Cooking With My Sisters by Adriana Trigiani

Note: This is the "serves 2" version.

4 pre-cooked italian sasuage links, such as Addells, sliced
1/2 onion, sliced
1-2 green peppers, sliced
salt and pepper to taste
1 clove garlic, minced (optional, I haven't tried it yet but I will next time)

In large skillet, pour a little water on the bottom so that the sausages don't burn. Turn skillet to medium-high heatWhen ready, add italian sausage and cook for about 3-5 minutes, until slightly softened. Add vegetables and seasonings, stir, and cover for 10 minutes. Reduce heat to medium or medium-low.

By now, I eye-ball this reciepe. Be careful to not overcook the sausages. Vegetables should still be a little crispy. Excellent with a tossed salad and a slice of hearty bread.

Feeling good

And taking advantage. I've been doing well with taking my daily medications of no-sneeze and no-sniffle. It's been really nice to be able to breathe at night again. Still working on "working out" when I get home but I'm up to once a week which is an improvement after nothing at all. Will try for twice a week soon - shooting for once after work and once during the weekend. The ballet DVD that I got for my birthday kicks my butt every time, but I know it's for the best in the long run.

I've been having so much fun with the new blog that Cindy and I created last weekend. It's really inspired me to cook more and try new things that originally I would say "no" to. I've also enjoyed seeing the difference in our styles of cooking and recipe choices.

No more weekly recipes here!

Check out Cooking Kama Sutras, a communal hot and spicy cooking site where (so far) Cindy and I share new recipes and the stories that emerge with them. I hope you enjoy it and if you want to contribute, let us know!

Hope to see you in our e-kitchen soon!

What I love right now

My husband who has been very understanding of my moodiness and is there to calm me down and help me figure out what is really going on.

My friends who have offered to listen so that I can unload my brain, shuffle things around, and get everything organized in my head.

My therapist who has encouraged me to come to therapy once a week for the next 4 weeks to help deal with my anger, sadness, and general frustration. I told her it's going to be hard to tear down this wall that I've built up and that as I was telling her that, I could feel my brain going "NO! NO! Stop talking! Don't go there!"

Blogging. It helps me open up to you, my friends and family, and let you know how I'm doing without having to really "say" anything.

Terrible movies. I mean REALLY BAD movies. Last night I saw "Showgirls" with Elizabeth Berkley. UGH. I especially enjoyed the fake bras around the boobs. I couldn't even watch the last 10 minutes because I found the last 10 minutes a show I hadn't been watching much more interesting. And I don't feel like I missed out on anything.

The Actors Studio. On Tivo, I have saved the following episodes: The Simpsons, Robin Williams, and Alec Baldwin. Anytime I need a laugh, I just push play and almost instantly I'm laughing so hard that I'm crying.

New season of Project Runway starts November 14!! I'm so so excited!

Rough days ahead

But little things make me laugh. Thanks Katy!

Getting personal

Did you ever have so many thoughts in your head and feelings in your heart that you just don't know where to begin? Did you ever think that if you don't express yourself soon, whether it's in anger, frustration, happiness, or confusion, that you'll just burst? Do you ever feel that you don't know who you are, but you know who you want to be, and you have no clue how to get there? Or maybe you do, but it's an awful lot of emotional work and by unraveling you'll not be this "strong" person that people think you are? Did you ever feel so close to reaching out to those who love you but decided at the last minute you'd rather just deal with it on your own?

I had some great things to say this morning on my way to work, but of course that was in the car when I can't jot down my thoughts, and I've forgotten what I really wanted to say.

On fire

As I am sure many of you have heard by now, there are about 15 wildfires burning in Southern California. Matt and I are not directly affected, and neither are our friends. But that's not to say we aren't freaked out by the giant smoke cloud above the city every night, or by the eerily pink/red sun that appears at dusk. I check the news reports about every hour to get some sort of update. I think of all the families and animals that are displaced from their homes, hoping that their lives will soon be back to normal. I also can't help but wonder about staying in SoCal for the long-term means that our future home will eventually burn down.

And the doctor says...

...that I have severe allegies. Here are prescriptions for 3 different medications! Claritin, Flo-nase, and the Sudafed that you have to get from behind the counter as it is the "real stuff". They even had to run my driver's license at the pharmacy to make sure I wasn't on record for making meth! The doctor said the reason I wasn't sleeping was because of my allergies, so we'll see. But yet again, I couldn't sleep last night - up for 5 hours! I called in to my manager this morning and said "I couldn't sleep, must function, need to sleep in." Everyone has been very understanding, and I hope these meds solve the problem. Of course, with the Santa Ana winds blowing like mad and the fires, my allergies are more intense.

I may also get some over-the-counter sleeping pills just in case this doens't work. My chiropractor says I have to re-set my clock. I have be in bed by 10:30 at the latest and get up at 6:30 without hitting the snooze button. I also need to exercise when I come home instead of taking a nap which will help me wake up and be more alert in the evening.

Part of the reason I couldn't sleep last night was that I was having terrible nightmares, unfortunately about my mom. I was screaming in my dream to wake up and I woke up in my dream, only to find myself hallucinating about my surroundings...I fell on the floor, and our kids walked in saying "What's wrong with you?" It was really freaky. My dreams have been like that for the past few weeks, and I'm not sure why.

Here's to new schedules, new internal clocks, and my medicated self. Woohoo!

Happy Anniversary!

Yesterday Matt and I celebrated 6 years of being together, and we had so much fun.

We started off by him letting me sleep in until 11, and then we got ready to go see the chiropractor, Dr. Campos. He had to stagger our appointments, which was fine because there was a lovely sushi restaurant downstairs where we enjoyed our lunch. After our adjustments, we came home and promptly napped for 3 hours. We are such romantics. :)

Our original plans for dinner called for dinner at Universal City Walk but we decided to blow that off and go to The Grove. I chose the restaurant, one of my favorites in the city. I don't know the name but it's there right when you walk in. We both had pasta for dinner accompanied by a pinot noir wine from Oregon (Cindy, it's the one you like), and then the restaurant treated us to a chocoloate mousse cake for our anniversary.

Afterwards, we went to the movie theater just across the way and bought tickets for Elizabeth II. Since the movie didnt' start for 2 hours, we did some window shopping and I found a great blazer (unfortunately, not on sale) at Banana Republic. I did put it on hold but I won't be going to pick it up. We walked into various boutique stores and walked out laughing at the funny sales people with their ridiculous prices. And the movie was fantastic, I highly reccomend it. Cate Blanchett, as always, is a incredible actress and carries the movie well.

It was a wonderful day with my guy and I'm looking forward to the days to come.

An oldie but a goodie

From an older post...

Baking Cookies (with your cat)
1. Look in cookbook for cookie recipe
2. Get cup of coffee.
3. Get cat off of cookbook.
4. Find that special recipe.
5 . Get cat's nose out of coffee cup
6. Go to fridge and get eggs.7. Get dry ingredients from cupboard.
8. Break eggs in small bowl.
9. Sift dry ingredients in large bowl.
10. Answer the phone.
11. Cat ate eggs; get more from fridge.
12. Get cat out of flour bowl and dust cat off.
13. Get Band-Aids for scratches on hands.
14. Throw flour out and get more.
15. Preheat oven for cookies.
16. Looking at cat & wanting to bake cat now. Cat runs for cover into bathroom.
17. Flour the counter to roll out cookie dough.
18. Big crash in bathroom; run to see what happened.
19. Cat has TP all over floor; stuff spilled and knocked over on top of bathroom counter.
20. Yell at cat. Cat falls in toilet bowl.
21. Can sense cat is angry.
22. Take cat out of toilet to dry cat off.
23. Get bandages to cover more scratches on arms and legs.
24. Cleanup bathroom.
25. Hear a thump in kitchen ...Oh Golly ... now what?
26. Get cat off floured counter in kitchen.
27. Try to pick out cat hairs from flour.
28. Step on cat's tail and get bitten.
29. Get coat, car keys, and go to store to buy cookies!!!

TGIF

Seriously. It's this week. It's gone by SO SLOWLY and it's almost over. Of course, today is not without it's challenges.

I woke up feeling pretty good, more awake than I have in weeks and cosidering I had a dream about my favorite singer, I thought the day might be off to a good start. I started the car and popped in one of my favorite CD's, cranked up the volume, and sang along all the way to work. I noticed on my way to work that I was behind a friend of mine who works in the same building which was hilarious because she didn't even see me until we pulled into the building.

I got to work and someone yelled that the voicemail wasn't working. Again. After I spent an hour on the phone with the guy from the phone company installing some new "thing" in our motherboard (mothership is more like it). Now we can't transfer calls to voicemail or even check our voicemail. Not even the main VM, which is the most important one. So I have spent 2 hours this morning dealing with the phone guy again, and he can't fix the problem. He's going to to have to send someone out to work on the system BUT no one is available to come out to the office until Monday. Lucky me. I get to take messages all frickin day long.

Again I say TGIF. At least we have a fun weekend planned and I'm looking forward to it!

Old faces

I checked out a friend's blog today and enjoyed reading her post about the Community Garden Event in Tacoma. Then I decided to check out some of the other Tacoma-based blogs linked to her site. Lo and behold, the first one I click on belongs to a woman I went to college with. Both she and her husband were active in the theater department at PLU. I couldn't believe it. I scroll down to find picutres at PLU Homecoming with other people I had gone to school with. It struck me that the internet is random and odd, but at times it can be rather small and make you feel old and wistful!

I made a doctor's appointment for Monday. I'll keep you posted on what the doctor says.

Sleep-deprived

Ok, we don't have kids. We don't have yardwork to do, and no one is going to school for the time being. Our life is pretty simple, after all it is just the two of us and 3 crazy cats.

But I seem to have a weird sleep schedule and I don't know what to attribute it to. I have overly colorful, extrememly vivid dreams, and often wake up once an hour but go right back to sleep. I wake up exhausted, whether having slept a full 8 hours or a measley 5 or 6 hours. Matt suggested I start working out when I get home to get my juices flowing. It's not a bad idea - I know Cindy does it and she says it releases quite a bit of stress from her day and seems like a good way to spend that transition time between work self and home self.

I do know that I need to see the doctor about these horrible allergies that I have (which could be a small cold, who knows, it's hard to tell the difference) that lead to me not being able to breathe properly...and maybe I'll bring up the subject of sleeping pills while I'm at it.

Cooking for my man

I went out with my dear friend Mary today. We went to lunch and then saw a play that our friend Elizabeth was in. I came home to find the place dark and empty. I called Matt to find out where he was and apparently he had gotten locked out! He proceded to tell me that he had fainted today, to which I immediately got into mother-mode and said that he should come home. He said he would, he'd be home in 5 minutes.

Well I was wrestling all day what to make for dinner since I had fixings for 3 recipes, and after he told me he fainted, I immediately chose "Flash Fajitas" as I thought he could use a little red meat. Within 20 minutes, we were watching re-runs of the Daily Show and chowing down.

I hope you enjoy them as much as we did!

Flash Fajitas
Real Simple

1 tablespoon olive oil
1 lb. skirt steak, cut into thirds
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1 large yellow onion, thinly sliced
1 large bell pepper (any color), thinly sliced
1 12-count package corn or small flour tortillas
Sour cream, salsa, and guacamole for serving

Heat the oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Season the steak with 1/4 teaspoon of the salt and pepper. Cook for 3 minutes. Turn and move the sides of the skillet. Add the onion and cook, sitrring occasionally, for 2 minutes. Add the bell pepper, season with the remaining salt, and cook until the vegetables are softened and the steak is medium-rare, 3 to 4 minutes more. Transfer the onion and bell pepper to a bowl. Transfer the steak to a cutting board. Place the tortillas in a microwave and warm on high for 1 1/2 minutes. SLice the steak and serve with the onion, bell pepper, sour cream, salsa, and guacamole.

Back to school?

I always thought I would go back to school for theater. I love love LOVE to act on the stage. The rehearsal process is always fun because not only do I get to create and learn about my character, I also get to know my fellow cast members and make new friends. I love being on stage, the joy of creating a new world that I get to bring to the audience for just a few hours, and the rush of happiness as I go out for curtain call and they give our cast a standing ovation! It is the greatest feeling in the world to me, and I miss it terribly.

So why don't I want to go to school for acting?

I finally came to a realization about this subjet last night while talking to Cindy. I made the decision awhile ago that I did not want the lifestyle of an actress. When you're just starting out, there's a lot of money that you have to spend for training, headshots, mailings (that you generally send out yourself), stamps, and on top of that cost of daily living. And while I have many friends who are actors/actresses and are doing their best to make a living at it, the late nights, the cost, the lifestyle is not something I desire. One of us in this business is enough, and I'm ok with that. I would rather keep acting as a hobby, audition for the plays that have characters that I can relate to and want to learn more about.

Of course, every play in this city is treated like a jumping board for those who want to act in film. It's incredibly comepetive and each person is better than the next. The one play I did audition for a few years ago completely backfired. I was terribly nervous and shaking, BUT I rocked my monologue! Then when it came to the group audition I didn't know what to do and the other actors just outshined me. While I was waiting in the hall, I came to find that they all knew each other and had all this history, which was evident when they all got on stage.

I didn't get a call as to whether I got a part in the play or not, which was fine. An audition is like a job interview. Just going can tell you quite a bit about the director, their crew, and who they want to work with. It would have been a group of aspiring, young actresses full of gossip and drama which is not what I want to invest my time in (imagine that, drama among actors!). I seek community theater, people from the same area who want to bring arts and stories to their neighbors, to take them away into another world, even for just a few hours.

So with all of this going through my head, Matt and I were on the way to my work this morning, listening to NPR. I love NPR and the stories that they tell. Every time I tune in, I hear someone new telling their stories, and it fascinates me. So far, I've heard Sara Tavares, Jimmy Carter, Stephen Colbert, and this morning was a new band called Band of Horses. It suddenly dawned on me that maybe, just maybe, when the time is right, I could go to school for journalism. I'm not really into the news (more like the headlines) but I love reading and listening to people's stories. I haven't felt this inspired in awhile, and now I want to go look on line to look at creative writing and journalism programs. :)

I wish...

...that I wasn't a perfectionist. My job would be easier and I wouldn't make stupid mistakes. I need to slow down and process information before moving on to the next step.

...that I was outside. Or at least had a window in my office. I can't even see the sun!

...that I was 30 which would mean that I would be going to NYC soon.

...that it was November so that Matt and I would be in wine country.

...that I could instantly drop those last 15 pounds instead of being so uber careful about what I eat, how much, and having to find an exercise plan that I'll actually stick to.

...that it was Thursday which means game night and also that the weekend is almost here.

...that it was time to go home, but alas! An hour and a half to go!

Mac & Cheese

Ok, this is inspired by Kevin and Lena, who have posted some of their favorite recipes. Guess I better get on the bandwagon!

The following recipe is perfect for cold winter nights and/or comfort food cravings. It's my mom's recipe and it's 100 times better than the boxed variety. Enjoy!

Mom's Mac and Cheese

4 cups large elbow maccaroni noodles
3 cups shredded cheddar cheese (Tillamook is best)
2 tablespoons flour
1 cup milk
salt and pepper to taste
2 tablespoons butter
onion salt (about 1/2 - 1 teaspoon)
1 teaspoon dry mustard
(can also add chopped cooked ham)

In large pan, boil water with salt and olive oil. Add noodles and cook according to package directions. Meanwhile, melt butter in saucepan. Add flour and whisk until smooth. Add milk and spices and whisk until smooth. Bring to boil stirring occasionally. When thickened, add 2 cups of the shredded cheese and stir until smooth.

Drain noodles and put back in pot. Stir in sauce and pour into baking pan (I use an 9x9). Sprinkle rest of cheese on top. Bake 1/2 hour in 350 degree oven.

Cindy, I expect that you'll be next? :)

Taking me back

Last night on my way home I turned on the radio and heard "Kiss From A Rose" by SEAL. I couldn't believe it. The last time I heard this song was in college and before that I was obsessed with the song in high school. I couldn't get enough of it. Suddenly I was 15 again with Mike and Grace as my best friends and pining away over Chris O'Donnell...What was even more amusing is that I still knew all the words!

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Every once in awhile I get bored with my blog layout. I have always liked this one. It reminds me of nightime on our rooftop with all the lights and sounds below us.

Honey, this made my year!

For Matt's 30th birthday I arranged for 4 of our closest friends from Washington State to fly down and surprise him. I had been planning this since April, and all of us were terribly excited, including Cindy and Don, because the surprise was to be held at their house! I spent Thursday in a nervous panic, trying to keep my mouth shut and staying as calm as possible as we drove out to Don and Cindy's for our regular game night.

We arrived at the house after picking up groceries for Matt's favorite dinner. Cindy and I had discussed before-hand to have the 4 guests in the gaming room so Matt would not have a clue as to what was going on (now I had told Matt that his surprise would be over the weekend so that we could get the full 'surprise' effect). So I told Matt to walk back there and drop off his bags, which he did and as he walked down the hallway Cindy and I followed to witness the following occurance.

"Hey there, how is..."

Bug eyes - double take

"What the...!!!"

Staggers back into the door, almost falling over

We got the whole thing on someone's digital camera! :)

The surprise guests were Steve, Brie, Jeff, and Tina. They were so excited to be the surprise gifts for this huge occasion. Of course, my camera sucks so everyone will have to wait to see pictures from the weekend.

Friday night was dinner at Lawry's Prime Rib in Beverly Hills. Lots of money for lots of good food, wine, and company. We had a great time, and the surprise guests were Curt and his fiancee Laurel.

Saturday was clean-Cindy's-house-and-go-shopping-for-BBQ-where-we expect-30plus-guests day. We were so tired by the end of the night I wasn't sure how any of us would fare on Sunday brunch! Cordy and Seamus, Don and Cindy's weiner dogs, were endlessly entertaining and it was great to see Matt's friends, some who I hadn't met yet. He told me at the end of the night that he felt very loved and appreciated, which is exactly what I wanted for him. (For more details on the party festivities, check out Cindy's blog.)

Sunday morning was a bit more slow paced. We gathered for brunch on our rooftop to enjoy Mimosa's, a delicious casserole, and Cindy's lovely fruit salad. It was a perfect morning - clear blue sky, palm trees, and lots of jokes and stories were told. Matt and I were sad when everyone left for the airport but eventually real life always kicks in.

At the end of the day yesterday Matt gave me a huge hug and said "Honey, this was the best birthday and the best presents. You definitely made my year."

Mission accomplished. :)

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday dear Maaaaathewwwwwwwwwww
Happy Birthday to you!

Happy Birthday to my wonderful sweet amazing husband. I hope the start of your 30's is the start everything you've been dreaming of (minus a trophy wife)!

No serious brain power required

Thanks Jenny!

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & current car), Smokey Bronco

2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (fave ice cream flavor, favorite cookie), Cookie Dough White Chocoloate Macadamia

3. YOUR “FLY Guy/Girl” NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name), C-Mes (same as Cindy's!)

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal), Purple Cat

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born), Elizabeth Seattle

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first), Van-Ca

7. SUPERHERO NAME: (”The” + 2nd favorite color, favorite drink), The Red Wine

8. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers), Wesley Richard

9. STRIPPER NAME: ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy), Vanilla Milky Way

10.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names ), Elizabeth Eugene

11. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (Your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter), Meyer Minneapolis

12. SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday, flower). Fall Sunflower

13. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now + “ie” or “y”) Pear Underweary

14. HIPPY NAME: (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree), Croissant Cherry

15. YOUR ROCKSTAR TOUR NAME: (”The” + Your fave hobby/craft, fave weather element + “Tour”),The Drawing Rain Tour

Missing

I am on my own tonight. Matt's had meetings all day and I am craving tuna casserole. As I search for my cookbook with the recipe in my handwriting I relize I've left it at Don and Cindy's, which means I must dive into the index card recipe collection that Mom had made for me shortly after Matt and were married. In the front is an email she sent me for her home-made pesto. I had asked for it for months, and finally she emailed it to me. It sits there, along with the entire box, waiting to be used again. And I can't bring myself to do it, even a year later, because it still hurts too much to see her handwriting and those "xoxo" 's on her email. It's at times like this, when I'm cooking and have to use her knowledge, her pieces of advice - especially in the kitchen - that it really truly hits me like a freight train, that she is gone, she's not coming back, and while I think I've accepted it, the fact of the matter is I only want her back because I desperately miss her.

Observations

I just love how Stephanie Paige and I can go shopping even when she's in NYC and I'm in L.A. She and I were exchanging phone calls and picture mail messages via cell phone yesterday so she could pick out a pair of (trendy) brown loafers. I looked up at the sky and just wondered in amazement how many conversations must be linked together right now through those sattelites in space...how busy the world is and yet it seems so simple when I'm at lunch eating my salad (outside) and shoe shopping via my cell phone...

I love how small this city can be, and how I have a job where I get to meet all kinds of people from different backgrounds, and all the things I have in common with them! Yesterday a "southern gentleman" from Florida came in. He had just moved here 6 days ago and was terribly homesick. I told him I felt the same way when I moved here 2 years ago, but that we all adjust at some point and that he would be okay. We started chatting about roller coasters and all the fun things you can do in L.A. I think we both felt a little better after our conversation. Poor guy...he was really hurting for Jacksonville, FL...

The cafe across the street has a perfect soup of the day today - Clam Chowder! I can't wait. Today it's cloudy and drizzling...it reminds me of Seattle and those nights where you just want to snuggle under a blanket and turn up the heat. Here, it gets a little muggy but we need the drizzle and a break from the sun. Today Leslie and I are heading off to the cafe to soothe our craving and rumbling tummies with Clam Chowder. While it's not Ivars, it's pretty darn close.

Old resolutions...

From January 3, 2007...

1. Exercise three times a week (which is going to happen when bootcamp starts next Monday);

2. Eat less sugar, more protein and fresh veggies/fruits. Only one junk food day allowed;

3. Eat out only once a week, or not at all;

4. More date nights with hubby;

5. Keep in better touch with family and friends;

6. Pick my battles;

7. READ books, not just skim through in order to get a vague idea;

8. Get books from the libary. I can't afford them and my bookshelf is full. I don't have room in this apartment for another one;

9. I'm a grown up. Need to be asleep at this time. Go to bed earlier. Preferably before midnight.

Girls Weekend

This weekend Stephaine Paige, Cindy and I headed up to San Luis Obispo Wine Country for a few days of girl talk, woman talk, and lots of wine and inside jokes. It was a blast and I am still reveling in the inner-peace and self-confidence that came from just a few days among mature, gifted, and fabulous women. I am very lucky to be able to call them my closest friends and my favorite part is that I learn something new about them and about myself every time I come into their company.

I will describe our adventures later on...I wonder, did Stephanie Paige ever find her missing roast beef?

Better, but not by much

In response to Cindy's comment, I am feeling a little better but only thanks to Emergen-C and Airborne. I've hardly eaten anything at all - I just want to sleep. It's almost the end of the day...I'm going to try to take a nap. Amanda and Kari invited Paige and I out tonight but I'm more interested in spending the evening curled up on the sofa with a hot bowl of soup and going to bed early. And I feel terrible because I really want to see my girls!

Unacceptable!

I am not getting sick. This is NOT happening. I am in denial. Airborne is my new best friend today. Thank goodness it takes care of whatever it is I'm NOT feeling.

I will not be sick. This is simply mind over matter. I can be sick when I go to the dentist's office next week, but not while Paige is here and when Cindy, she and I have a fabulous weekend planned in San Luis Obispo!

Friendly Visit

One of my closest and dearest friends, Stephanie Paige, is coming to visit. She arrives tomorrow and I CAN'T WAIT!!! :) I've been talking about her visit non-stop for a few days now. There's something about having a girlfriend around who just "gets you". No explanation required. They know you inside and out. Even silence is comfortable. While I have a few girlfriends like that here, I don't see them nearly enough, and even when I do it's, well, there's men around and it's not the same. I miss my girlfriends. I miss lunches and tea, I miss pedicures, manicures, giggling and laughing. Remember slumber parties? Maybe when I turn 30 I'll get a hotel room and just have a big slumber party, who knows...I miss being feminine and girly. Real life takes too much of a toll.

So I'm hoping with her visit that I can slip into my girly yet mature side, even if only for a few days. We have one fun thing planned - wine country up in SLO with Cindy on Saturday - which I'm very much looking forward to.

Audits are no fun

We got audidted yesterday, at work. I spent an 11 hour day on Friday working on getting our files in order, making sure all our working candidates had complete files.

It was a disaster. Files mis-filed, very few OC's (office coordinators) before me knew how to alphabetize or fill out forms correctly. But I knew that we had until Wednesday to get everything done. Or so I thought.

I came Monday with the goal of getting many things done for the audit. We even brought a temp so I didn't have to answer the phones (which wasa huge help). I spent the day going through more files and more paperwork, figuring out what was missing, and I have to tell you it was quite boring but I was proud of my accomplisments in figuring out exactly where our branch is at. And it wasn't good. I showed it to the division manager and she nearly had a heart attack. I called the auditor to find out exactly when she would be here Wednesday morning, and then the words came...

"I'll be there tomorrow at 9am."

(pause) "Ruby, please tell me you're joking. I will faint if you're going to be here tomorrow, we're so not ready!"

"Oh, you guys will be fine."

In panic I ran to the Manager's office only to find him in the meeting with the entire branch. I said "She'll be here tomorrow" to which he responded "Well then. We're screwed."

In short we passed the audit by the skin of our teeth. Next year I plan on getting a much better score. I know that I can only control what comes through my hands, and they've had a lot of turnover in this position. So it's my job, for however long I am here, to make sure things are in order...at least on my end.

This says it all

From the LA Times - by Sandy Banks.

An L.A. heritage that binds us all

In a city that can break the will of natives and newcomers alike, being from L.A. conveys survivor status.

September 8, 2007

It was a trip my daughter and I have made a dozen times, heading north out of the San Fernando Valley, up the I-5 past the orchards and cattle ranches of the San Joaquin Valley, west through the Pacheco Pass and up Highway 101 into the heart of the Silicon Valley.But this time my daughter wasn't heading back to her messy, crowded dorm at college. She has graduated, found a job and is moving into her first apartment -- a sunny unit in a well-tended complex on a tree-lined street in Menlo Park. So why was she complaining the whole way up?

She doesn't want to give up Los Angeles. No new driver's license, she insists. Never mind that a Northern California address could save her enough on car insurance to keep her in pedicures. Four years away from home at school has taught her that an L.A. identity is a badge of honor.Like most of us, my daughter has a love-hate relationship with this city. She loves the beach, but hates jostling for space among crowds on the sand. She loves her multiethnic collection of L.A. friends, but freeway gridlock makes it hard to visit them. She loves wearing flip-flops all year long, but moans all summer that it's too hot to go outside. She doesn't always like being in L.A., but she knows that being from L.A. has its rewards.

When we visit relatives in Ohio, our Los Angeles address gilds everything we do with the patina of success. People from L.A. are stylish and trendy, shopping, as we all do, on Rodeo Drive. Does my sister-in-law in Toledo really have to know that the purse she's raving about came from Target and cost me $25? We have celebrity-sighting stories to tell. The rap legends Bone Thugs-n-Harmony played at my middle daughter's high school prom. But we don't tell our Toledo cousins the less-glamorous back story: The group played as a favor to the girl who baby-sits their kids, my daughter's classmate, who knows them from church.

Then there's the Rose Parade-fueled fantasy of our perfect weather. Never mind that 18 people in Los Angeles County died during last week's heat wave, because they were poor or old or isolated.Thousands more sweltered for days without electricity because our local utilities haven't kept up with growing power needs.

I came here 30 years ago, a refugee driven by L.A. fantasies. Cleveland had just emerged from another harsh winter; I'd been stranded for days by snow-clogged streets. Why should I spend winters shoveling snow when I could be sunning on the beach? I headed west with my husband and a plan to buy a modest house on the beach. It seems preposterous to me now. But I was 25 then, and my new Times job almost doubled my previous $14,000 salary. Surely, a Malibu lifestyle would be within reach.

We spent two years in a San Fernando Valley apartment, pinching pennies, reading real estate ads, reworking the math and downsizing our dreams. Finally we saved enough to make a down payment on a crumbling, two-bedroom Van Nuys fixer-upper that shared an alley entrance with an auto body shop. We had a baby, moved to Northridge, had two more kids and stopped pretending we were headed for any beach address. We settled for weekend treks to Zuma, though we never stopped ogling the homes we passed and wondering how all those folks managed to live so large.I'm still fascinated by this city's contradictions -- its grit and glamour, its grimy ghettos and gated estates, its relentlessly magnetic reach.

I've been lucky to spend 27 years here as a journalist, peering into hidden corners looking for stories to share. Here, Tuesdays and Saturdays, and on latimes.com I'll continue to tell those stories in this new column.Over the years, I've learned that for all our differences, our Los Angeles heritage binds us in ways that have little to do with weather or glamour or celebrities.

I understand why my daughter does not want to give up her L.A. identity. Navigating Los Angeles requires stamina and ingenuity. In a city that can break the will of natives and newcomers alike, being from L.A. conveys survivor status. I think a lot about how disconnected we are in this sprawling, swaggering metropolis -- split by geography, language, income and race -- with private lives that often bear little resemblance to the public perceptions of who we are.

Recently, I spent the day in Watts, roaming around the Jordan Downs public housing project -- one of those neighborhoods reporters don't write about without labeling it "gang-ridden" or "dangerous." I watched teenage girls pushing baby strollers preen for trash-talking boys on the basketball courts; grandmothers hanging laundry on lines strung across small patios; a young man on his knees, surrounded by toddlers, trying to trying to coax tomatoes from a tiny patch of rocky soil. I didn't get nervous until it got dark, and I made my way back to my car in the parking lot. It was blocked in by an old Chevy bearing "spinner" rims. A bare-chested young man marked up with tattoos swaggered over to me."This your car?" he asked. I nodded, wondering if this was when the shooting would start. "Can I have your parking space when you leave?" he said.He was stalking me for my parking stall, just like they do at the Northridge mall.

I'm Awesome-Possum!

For Jenny. This is a great confidence booster!

1. I am taking a new attitude at my job, more professional than personal and that way I'm not so emotinally invested. Today is the first day and while it's hard, I can tell that it will be to everyone's benefit.

2. I'm becoming to be a better listener to my husband, my friends, and my family. I'm asking questions and being more thoughtful in my responses while also keeping myself in check and not getting so involved. Most of the time they just need me to listen and I can do that.

3. I'm cooking more and find that I love to cook from scratch, creating a good meal that Matt and I both love.

4. I'm not ashamed to be a gamer anymore. I love the social aspect of it and the memories continually make me smile and laugh. It's a wonderful connection to have with my husband.

5. I'm taking intiative in telling people what I can handle and what I can't.

Ok, Cindy, you're up!