I didn't realize how hard it would be to maintain my friendships, whether they have kids or not. I didn't know that texting and email would be so much easier. And I didn't think that my guilt could get so out of control over something so small.
I struggle with guilt often. I want to be a good person, a good friend, to go above and beyond to be there for friends and family. And when I fall short, I feel like I've failed. I feel like suddenly someone is mad at me if I don't get a text or email back right away (which dates back to before mommyhood, when really, they're just as busy, if not more so, than I am). And I've been falling short a lot these days. I know it's all in my head. I know that I'm doing the best I can, that I am a new Mommy and that little Wesley is my main relationship for the next several months. But I don't want to take advantage of my friends and family...
So I guess, in my own way, this is a public apology for the unanswered emails, phone calls, and text messages. For canceling or rescheduling at the last minute, sleeping through our get togethers, appearing bleary eyed and exhausted. I know that you understand, and will tell me not to feel bad, but I do. I just want you to know how much I appreciate the talks, the emails, the words of support mean so much to me. The babysitting, the meals, the hand me down clothes...every little thing means the world to me and our little family.
4 comments:
I'm sure you're doing the best you can! That's all anyone can ask for. Good luck!
I know exactly how you feel! And by the way, I called you yesterday and left a MSG for the third time! Lol!
I know I'll catch you eventually...
Camille, there is so much guilt involved with new parenting (am I screwing up my child irrevocably?)... as a fellow lifelong guilt wallower, I totally understand the compulsion to add more guilt over seemingly fraying relationships.
It just isn't worth it, my friend. You'll be amazed when you make it through the first year, how many people will STILL call and email and check in with you and invite you places. You'll be amazed they still reach out after a year of neglect on your part.
Your friends love you. The ones who understand will give you a free pass. The ones who don't will hopefully talk to you about it, and you'll do your best. And even with those friends who don't realize how much your life has changed, they will still be happy to see you again, whenever that is.
One more important point: With your busy friends, don't forget they have busy lives too... it's hard to remember when our new mama lives are so inward-pointing, so focused on our own little, life-changing moments and tasks, but their lives are still happening. Many of them are probably feeling guilty like you for not making time to come see you. The point is, friends care. Nothing to be guilty about.
Speaking of which....I'm feeling guilty that I never got back to you about my visit to the pediatrician! I'm a similar sufferer of out-of-control guilt about all the e-mails and messages that have piled up unanswered. But, where to start!? Anyway, did you ever get any information about starting Wesley on rice cereal? My pediatrician recommended that we wait until 5-6 months, not only because babies should have better neck control before transitioning to solid foods (I guess it makes it easier for them to swallow) but also because she thought the proteins would just aggravate Matteo's digestive issues, making him even fussier. Whoa. Full stop. I abandoned all hope that it would help him sleep better as soon as I heard that. What about you? Any luck on figuring out how to satiate your hungry hungry baby? {No need to write back if you don't have time--we'll get there eventually!} Love to you.
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