I made a pie. From scratch! Even made my own crust. Called Aunt Diane for advice.
I cleaned the bathroom and washed the dishes.
I even found a few minutes to make homemade pesto sauce which is now freezing in an ice cube tray.
What's going on with me?
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Recovery...kind of...
I went back to bootcamp yesterday and my legs hurt pretty bad this morning. Of course, I went back today for more (we have a shortened week due to the holiday) and we have a new trainer on Tuesdays and Thursdays now. His name is Nandoor and he is a human version of the energizer bunny. I don't know where he gets it or what he's on, but I came away feeling utterly exhausted and yet rejuvinated. I really hope he sticks around. It would be great for all of us campers if we have Ricardo MWF and Nandoor T/Th so we can work different sets of muscles. And since I've missed a few weeks due to being sick and then out of town, I'll be going 4x a week for the next 3 weeks so I can maximize the benefits before Christmas.
I haven't cried over Grandpa yet. I expect it will hit me later, or not at all. He lived a full life and while he was in such pain at the end, he's finally at peace and that's where he should be.
Thanksgiving is coming! I love this holiday and all the food that comes with it. We are hosting this year and I'm afraid it's going to rain. The plan is to eat on the rooftop deck but if it is raining...well, we have enough chairs. We'll just be cozy. I'm making 3 pies, cranberry sauce, and green bean casserole. I might make an appetizer too, we'll just have to see how adventurous I'm feeling. I'm a bit nervous about the pies. I am making my own crust this year - it's Mom's recipe - and we all know how I get when I open up that box! But I'm going to do my best. I've never made pie crust before. To my Aunt Diane - I will be calling you! :)
P.S. Thank you IRS and our awesome accountant for the nice refund this year!
I haven't cried over Grandpa yet. I expect it will hit me later, or not at all. He lived a full life and while he was in such pain at the end, he's finally at peace and that's where he should be.
Thanksgiving is coming! I love this holiday and all the food that comes with it. We are hosting this year and I'm afraid it's going to rain. The plan is to eat on the rooftop deck but if it is raining...well, we have enough chairs. We'll just be cozy. I'm making 3 pies, cranberry sauce, and green bean casserole. I might make an appetizer too, we'll just have to see how adventurous I'm feeling. I'm a bit nervous about the pies. I am making my own crust this year - it's Mom's recipe - and we all know how I get when I open up that box! But I'm going to do my best. I've never made pie crust before. To my Aunt Diane - I will be calling you! :)
P.S. Thank you IRS and our awesome accountant for the nice refund this year!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Goodbye, Grandpa.
Richard Mesmer
September, 1924 to November 15, 2008
He was a character. I will miss him terribly.
Grandma Betty - I hope you're ready for him! :)
I'm still reeling from losing my last living Grandparent. It was a strange day yesterday, with the burial, and then flying back to Seattle. Not having Matt here has been hard, and yet very rewarding because I've had to toughen up and deal with myself and my family all on my own. But with my family, I'm never alone. As Matt said, we are a pride of lions. Fiercely loyal until death.
I can't say much more right now - I am still processing all of this. I know it will hit me hard when I get home, or it may not hit me for awhile. Maybe on the plan when I'm among strangers. Who knows? But I can't wait to get home and get back to work, get back to living my life. Right now I feel as if I'm in limbo and it's driving me slightly crazy.
September, 1924 to November 15, 2008
He was a character. I will miss him terribly.
Grandma Betty - I hope you're ready for him! :)
I'm still reeling from losing my last living Grandparent. It was a strange day yesterday, with the burial, and then flying back to Seattle. Not having Matt here has been hard, and yet very rewarding because I've had to toughen up and deal with myself and my family all on my own. But with my family, I'm never alone. As Matt said, we are a pride of lions. Fiercely loyal until death.
I can't say much more right now - I am still processing all of this. I know it will hit me hard when I get home, or it may not hit me for awhile. Maybe on the plan when I'm among strangers. Who knows? But I can't wait to get home and get back to work, get back to living my life. Right now I feel as if I'm in limbo and it's driving me slightly crazy.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Loss
I've been reading various blogs today and seeing how so many of my friends are going through loss. Miscarriages, lost loved ones, having to give away pets...it's very humbling. And while I'm not yet fully dealing with the impending loss of my Grandpa, I will be shortly as I leave Friday for a week or so. I know it will bring back many memories of Mom, but I will take her with me. My aunts, cousins, uncle, sister and Dad will be there. We are so lucky to have each other. I don't know what I'd do without them.
Yesterday Dad called to tell me another colleague of his had passed away last week due to complications from Alztheimers (sp). He sounded so tired, and so sad. I really didn't know what to do except support him in every way that I could over the phone, which is so hard. I just never know if I'm getting the job done, you know? And as I talked to my Aunt last night, I suddenly thought about how as a child, I never thought these days would come. I never really thought about how my Grandparents would die. I thought everything would stay the same and we'd always see eachother at the Holidays, birthdays, and even the yearly family reunions. Now it's so hard to get together. We all have our own new families now and while we're still all connected, our family has changed so much over the years. Thinking of this makes me a little sad, but I know it's just part of life. And there are some things in life that I just have to accept. This is one of them.
Yesterday Dad called to tell me another colleague of his had passed away last week due to complications from Alztheimers (sp). He sounded so tired, and so sad. I really didn't know what to do except support him in every way that I could over the phone, which is so hard. I just never know if I'm getting the job done, you know? And as I talked to my Aunt last night, I suddenly thought about how as a child, I never thought these days would come. I never really thought about how my Grandparents would die. I thought everything would stay the same and we'd always see eachother at the Holidays, birthdays, and even the yearly family reunions. Now it's so hard to get together. We all have our own new families now and while we're still all connected, our family has changed so much over the years. Thinking of this makes me a little sad, but I know it's just part of life. And there are some things in life that I just have to accept. This is one of them.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Renewal and Reflection
It's been a rough few weeks, full of surprises and hard truths. It's forced me to recognize some things about myself that I knew but didn't want to admit. I wouldn't say that I deny things, but I can certainly delay dealing with certain aspects of my life and personality for quite awhile. I think it's a defense mechanism, I deal with them either until I'm ready or until I have to.
Most of this stems from wanting a family. I've been putting myself under the microscope and thinking about who I want to be for my future kids, and frankly I'd love to be just like my Mom. She was the greatest Mom, in my opinion, because she was mine and she understood me like no one else ever could. I never hated her, never fought with her (except over homework), deep down I always loved her. I always had the sense that she took pride in being a parent, even when it was difficult. She had a certain grace and air about her that, to a child, always seemed calm. But I'm not calm. I'm not Mom, and I'm not Dad. I'm me. And who is this person that's evolved? And how can I be a better human being? How can I feel more satisfied with my life? Changes need to be made. So if I've seemed reclusive, if I've making statements that sound like questions, if I seem to be in my head all the time, well, that's because I am. I am trying very hard to make some very substantial and important changes in my life, and what's great is that Matt's doing the same thing. We have made some very tough decisions these last few weeks regarding our future which ultimately have brought us closer together. We've cried a lot, we've argued a bit, but mostly we are excited for what's to come. And that's a really good feeling.
Part of this reflection of self is also stemming from my Grandpa. He's my last grandparent and while we are not close, it is still hard to say goodbye. I will most likely go up this weekend to Spokane and see him one last time. I know it's been difficult for our family because it is bringing back so many memories of taking care of Mom in her last weeks. He's not eating or really drinking - he just takes his pain pills and goes back to bed. I have been having a hard time figuring out how much time he has left. Dad says weeks, Sharon says maybe 4-6 weeks, maybe even past Christmas. But no matter what, he's still here right now and I need to go see him. I do have great memories of him from my childhood. Like how he was always the cool Grandpa with the latest video games and cool gadgets. He and Grandma would let me stay up late with them and drink diet pepsi, eat cheez-its, and watch Johnny Carson. I'd get to eat those lovely sugary cereals during my visits to their house with the orange shagg carpet and mirrored hallways. I'm really going to miss him, and I also want him to be at peace. I hope Grandma is ready for him. He's a pistol.
Most of this stems from wanting a family. I've been putting myself under the microscope and thinking about who I want to be for my future kids, and frankly I'd love to be just like my Mom. She was the greatest Mom, in my opinion, because she was mine and she understood me like no one else ever could. I never hated her, never fought with her (except over homework), deep down I always loved her. I always had the sense that she took pride in being a parent, even when it was difficult. She had a certain grace and air about her that, to a child, always seemed calm. But I'm not calm. I'm not Mom, and I'm not Dad. I'm me. And who is this person that's evolved? And how can I be a better human being? How can I feel more satisfied with my life? Changes need to be made. So if I've seemed reclusive, if I've making statements that sound like questions, if I seem to be in my head all the time, well, that's because I am. I am trying very hard to make some very substantial and important changes in my life, and what's great is that Matt's doing the same thing. We have made some very tough decisions these last few weeks regarding our future which ultimately have brought us closer together. We've cried a lot, we've argued a bit, but mostly we are excited for what's to come. And that's a really good feeling.
Part of this reflection of self is also stemming from my Grandpa. He's my last grandparent and while we are not close, it is still hard to say goodbye. I will most likely go up this weekend to Spokane and see him one last time. I know it's been difficult for our family because it is bringing back so many memories of taking care of Mom in her last weeks. He's not eating or really drinking - he just takes his pain pills and goes back to bed. I have been having a hard time figuring out how much time he has left. Dad says weeks, Sharon says maybe 4-6 weeks, maybe even past Christmas. But no matter what, he's still here right now and I need to go see him. I do have great memories of him from my childhood. Like how he was always the cool Grandpa with the latest video games and cool gadgets. He and Grandma would let me stay up late with them and drink diet pepsi, eat cheez-its, and watch Johnny Carson. I'd get to eat those lovely sugary cereals during my visits to their house with the orange shagg carpet and mirrored hallways. I'm really going to miss him, and I also want him to be at peace. I hope Grandma is ready for him. He's a pistol.
Friday, November 07, 2008
Still in awe
I am still pondering what we did.
We elected Barack Obama as our next president.
President-elect Obama? Sounds good. Has a nice ring to it. But I must be dreaming...??
I know he won't be able to accomplish everything he wants to within one term (but hopefully some things will get turned around in a hopefully 2nd term). I have never been more full of hope than these last few days, feeling as though everything (eventually) will be ok. My heart was touched by all of my fellow citizens that were celebrating in the streets and had I not been sick, I might have joined them.
And while the US elected a president that will change our future, it is unfortunate that my state elected to ban gay marriage. I am very disappointed and hope that this will be overturned. Rumors are already being whispered that it's going to be taken to the state supreme court as unconstitutional. Let's hope so.
We elected Barack Obama as our next president.
President-elect Obama? Sounds good. Has a nice ring to it. But I must be dreaming...??
I know he won't be able to accomplish everything he wants to within one term (but hopefully some things will get turned around in a hopefully 2nd term). I have never been more full of hope than these last few days, feeling as though everything (eventually) will be ok. My heart was touched by all of my fellow citizens that were celebrating in the streets and had I not been sick, I might have joined them.
And while the US elected a president that will change our future, it is unfortunate that my state elected to ban gay marriage. I am very disappointed and hope that this will be overturned. Rumors are already being whispered that it's going to be taken to the state supreme court as unconstitutional. Let's hope so.
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
I voted!
Did you?
We had to wait about a half hour in line to vote, which was kind of exciting! Normally I vote by absentee but this time I wanted to be part of the experience. We filled out our sample ballots at home and then walked the half block to our polling station. There were so many people crammed in those little booths with their brochures, trying to figure out what they wanted to vote for. I felt proud that we had made our decisions already and would save time (and patience for those in line behind us) by being so efficient.
While I was voting, I thought to myself that we are pretty lucky live in a country where not only we can vote to change the future but also express ourselves by going to rallys, voting, blogging, etc. Free speech is pretty dang awesome.
We had to wait about a half hour in line to vote, which was kind of exciting! Normally I vote by absentee but this time I wanted to be part of the experience. We filled out our sample ballots at home and then walked the half block to our polling station. There were so many people crammed in those little booths with their brochures, trying to figure out what they wanted to vote for. I felt proud that we had made our decisions already and would save time (and patience for those in line behind us) by being so efficient.
While I was voting, I thought to myself that we are pretty lucky live in a country where not only we can vote to change the future but also express ourselves by going to rallys, voting, blogging, etc. Free speech is pretty dang awesome.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Pictures from Cambria
For Cindy, a picture of Matt's Sandwich - turkey, pesto, goat cheese, roasted red peppers on fresh ciabatta bread.
We went for a hike at the start of sunset before dinner, and there were these cool driftwood benches. If we ever lived near the water, I'd love to have one in our yard.
Just up the hill outside of town. It's good to be on vacation and celebrating each other!
A panoramic shot of the beach just south of Cambria.
Wine, dessert, and my best friend.For details on our trip, visit hubby's blog. He put our trip into words that I can't muster at the moment.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Interesting
Last night I had a tough time sleeping. I was anxious and upset for no particular reason but with Matt out of town and being all by myself with my thoughts, my mind just started racing. I had a terrible time falling asleep and once I did, I had this wonderful dream where I got to see an old friend. I dreamed that it was my mom's memorial service and there he was. I gave my friend a huge hug and felt so happy to see him. I promised that we'd catch up after the service but that for the time being, I had to greet other people who were arriving. To make a long story short, I didn't make it to the memorial for whatever reason and missed seeing my friend. I was so overwhelmed and upset that I just wailed. Cried so hard that I was heaving, huge alligator tears, and totally red in the face. But I did wake up feeling better, and I was thinking this morning how interesting it is that sometimes we do in our dreams what is so hard for us to do in real life.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Outta here!
We're just about to take off for our much needed anniversary trip to Cambria, CA. We are staying at a lovely little inn just across the street from Moonstone Beach. I cannot WAIT to get out of the city and away from the noise that comes from living just a mile from a major hospital. I've noticed a trend in the last few years...we always seem to schedule our getaways about every 6-8 months. We just need to rejuvinate and get re-foucsed, re-motivated. It's also nice to get away from the internet, tv, and the distractions of everyday life. We really do reconnect as a couple on these trips and that is definitely my favorite part.
(Thanks again to Matt and Jessica for watching our meows while we're away.)
(Thanks again to Matt and Jessica for watching our meows while we're away.)
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Happy Anniversary!
Can you believe it, babe? Seven years tomorrow and we're still here. It's been an amazing, sometimes difficult (and yet interesting) journey, but I wouldn't be here with out you and I'm so blessed to have you in my life. Here's to another 7 years filled with you, me, and whatever (and whoever) awaits us! Love you always!!xoxoxo
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Wedding Weekend
Most of you know that my dear friend Kari M. got married last weekend and that I was in the wedding. It was great to see so many of my college girlfriends. Some I hadn't seen or spoken to since graduation while others I only see very intermittantly. Most of them had lived in the famed Wheeler house and one point or another. Then at the wedding, I got to see some more college friends and it just turned into a huge reunion.
The Bridesmaids: (l-r) Lewissa, myself, and Amanda.
Kari looked absolutely stunning and Paul looked good too. They had a very classy wedding day, full of smiles and positive energy, and I couldn't be happier for them! (More pictures to follow later on.)
The lovely bride and one of the mimes at the reception.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Progress
I just wanted to thank everyone for their comments and support about my depression issues last week. It passed, as I knew it would. You all gave me some serious things to think about, specifically what moving on means to me and to have joy even in tears. Yesterday I opened that recipe box again to make chicken soup, and to my surprise, even though I felt sad, I remembered what Noreen had to say, which was to "eat up!" and it made me smile. So thank you, friends and family, for getting me through this. I'm on the other side now, and feeling good.
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Monday, October 06, 2008
Recipe Box
Just after Matt and I got married my Mom made me a recipe box. It's got index cards with her handwriting on them, and some of the recipe cards are written in her handwriting while others are printed. Going through this box is always an emotional ride, and Saturday morning (which was Matt's birthday) I decided to make Dutch Baby pancakes (see cooking blog for recipe). I have not picked up this box in quite sometime because I always wind up crying. Well I didn't cry on Saturday and I was pretty proud of myself. But when I push things aside, they always come back.
This afternoon I posted the above recipe and had to get the box out again. As I put it back, I came across her pie crust recipe, a classic one that brings back so many memories. She and my Grandma Elizabeth (her Mom) were famous in our family for their pie creations. I'm not so sure how I'll do as the years go by. Anyway, as I came to the last recipe, the tears just started falling down my cheeks. It was the recipe for Cabbage Rolls, which was my favorite dish. As the years went by and I moved away, she'd make it for me every time I came home. And even as I type I can't keep from crying.
You see, her birthday is tomorrow and I'm having such a difficult time moving on. Ever since the second anniversary passed in August, I just can't seem to shake this overwhelming feeling of sadness. Everything I do seems to bring her back into my mind. Maybe posting about this will help, maybe moving on would help. In some ways I feel like I have moved on and in other ways I feel stuck. There are moments such as these where it just hits you that this person, your loved one is GONE and they're never coming back. It just sucks...you know? I don't know how else to put it. Except that I miss her terribly and like a little girl, I just want my mom.
This afternoon I posted the above recipe and had to get the box out again. As I put it back, I came across her pie crust recipe, a classic one that brings back so many memories. She and my Grandma Elizabeth (her Mom) were famous in our family for their pie creations. I'm not so sure how I'll do as the years go by. Anyway, as I came to the last recipe, the tears just started falling down my cheeks. It was the recipe for Cabbage Rolls, which was my favorite dish. As the years went by and I moved away, she'd make it for me every time I came home. And even as I type I can't keep from crying.
You see, her birthday is tomorrow and I'm having such a difficult time moving on. Ever since the second anniversary passed in August, I just can't seem to shake this overwhelming feeling of sadness. Everything I do seems to bring her back into my mind. Maybe posting about this will help, maybe moving on would help. In some ways I feel like I have moved on and in other ways I feel stuck. There are moments such as these where it just hits you that this person, your loved one is GONE and they're never coming back. It just sucks...you know? I don't know how else to put it. Except that I miss her terribly and like a little girl, I just want my mom.
Friday, October 03, 2008
Thursday, October 02, 2008
It's hot today...
...among other things. Where did this muggy, humid, sticky weather come from? I mean it's October for pete's sakes. I guess I'm still a Northwest girl at heart because I expect wind and rain at any minute rather than nights where even a sheet at night is too much...when we have to keep the a/c on at night (and can I just say how grateful we are for central air conditioning right now). Hopefully it will cool down over the weekend as it is hubby's birthday and I want him to be comfortable doing whatever it is he wants to do.
At the moment I'm at Paige's place. We're going to have lunch and then go shoe shopping. She needs comfy "standing all day" shoes and I need a pair of shoes to match 2 dresses that look vastly different from each other. If I can find a deal, I'll get two pairs, but I'm pretty specific on the look, so if I can't find one I know I can find the other. As most of you know, Kari is getting married next weekend and I have a fabulous DVF dress that I snagged for an insane discount and it's perfect for the rehearsal dinner next Friday night. My bridesmaid's dress was also insanely cheap, and it's beautiful to boot. My initial plan is to buy a pair of pointy black shoes that will match both, but if I can swing it, I'd love to get a pair of cream colored pumps to go with my BM dress, while finding a pair of pointy black shoes to go with the DVF dress. We'll see what happens, and yes, after the wedding, I'll post pictures. It's sure to be a classy affair.
And last but certainly not least, Matt does have a job! I'm very proud of him and it's a really good fit. The hours aren't much and the pay isn't what we'd like, but he's got his foot in the door and that's what matters. You can read all about it here!
At the moment I'm at Paige's place. We're going to have lunch and then go shoe shopping. She needs comfy "standing all day" shoes and I need a pair of shoes to match 2 dresses that look vastly different from each other. If I can find a deal, I'll get two pairs, but I'm pretty specific on the look, so if I can't find one I know I can find the other. As most of you know, Kari is getting married next weekend and I have a fabulous DVF dress that I snagged for an insane discount and it's perfect for the rehearsal dinner next Friday night. My bridesmaid's dress was also insanely cheap, and it's beautiful to boot. My initial plan is to buy a pair of pointy black shoes that will match both, but if I can swing it, I'd love to get a pair of cream colored pumps to go with my BM dress, while finding a pair of pointy black shoes to go with the DVF dress. We'll see what happens, and yes, after the wedding, I'll post pictures. It's sure to be a classy affair.
And last but certainly not least, Matt does have a job! I'm very proud of him and it's a really good fit. The hours aren't much and the pay isn't what we'd like, but he's got his foot in the door and that's what matters. You can read all about it here!
Monday, September 29, 2008
Post No. 1
I have started another blog - yes, that's all I need, another website to maintain - but I'm really excited about it, and I hope you'll stop by and check it out.
As you know, one of our favorite areas in California is the Central Coast, specifically San Luis Obispo County. And since we go up so often, I thought it would be fun to start a blog documenting our favorite places to stay, where we've gone, our favorite restaurants, etc. It will help me, er...US, figure out what to do next time we go. And since our next trip is coming up next month, I thought I'd better get started.
Enjoy, and please let me know what you think!
http://liveslo.blogspot.com/
As you know, one of our favorite areas in California is the Central Coast, specifically San Luis Obispo County. And since we go up so often, I thought it would be fun to start a blog documenting our favorite places to stay, where we've gone, our favorite restaurants, etc. It will help me, er...US, figure out what to do next time we go. And since our next trip is coming up next month, I thought I'd better get started.
Enjoy, and please let me know what you think!
http://liveslo.blogspot.com/
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Results
This is my 4th week of Fitness Bootcamp and I'm already noticing fabulous results. Already my arms are stronger and more defined - my biceps are really strong - and my triceps are starting to get more definition. Also, I'm excited for the day when I will not "wave goodbye with my whole arm". My waist is getting smaller and my shirts are looser. Matt and my friends say they can notice weight loss in my face, neck, and waist. My legs aren't looking as good as I'd like them to, but that will come with time as I've already signed up for the next session.
Today while we were doing lunges, I was thinking of all the reps I had done this morning, and how without this class, I'd give up so much sooner than going the full hour. Here's what I think I did today:
Ran/walked 2 miles at least;
3 or 4 sets of lunges (20 each), push ups (various applications, probably over 50), crunches (60), and I'm sure there's more, I just can't remember them all.
Running up the hill backwards...twice;
Monday we did the Bermuda Triangle, which is basically this giant planter that you step on with one leg all the way around, and usually Ricardo (the trainer) has us go around it twice on each leg. Sometimes 3 times. And then you run up the stairs 3-5 times. And then go for a running lap...you get the idea. Anyway, my hamstrings are still sore from the planter on Monday and today during my laps I seriously thought my upper legs had turned into lead. But you just push through and walk when you have to. Suddenly, you're further along than you thought!
I take a nap (after a shower and breakfast) from about 10 to noon because my body is so exhausted. And even with that, I am sleeping better at night and feeling much better about myself. Hubby is swimming over 3 miles a week, and both of us are significantly noticing how much better we feel about ourselves and each other.
P.S. As most of you know, we went to Spokane recently to visit my Dad's side of the family. Please see hubby's blog for a recount of our travels.
Today while we were doing lunges, I was thinking of all the reps I had done this morning, and how without this class, I'd give up so much sooner than going the full hour. Here's what I think I did today:
Ran/walked 2 miles at least;
3 or 4 sets of lunges (20 each), push ups (various applications, probably over 50), crunches (60), and I'm sure there's more, I just can't remember them all.
Running up the hill backwards...twice;
Monday we did the Bermuda Triangle, which is basically this giant planter that you step on with one leg all the way around, and usually Ricardo (the trainer) has us go around it twice on each leg. Sometimes 3 times. And then you run up the stairs 3-5 times. And then go for a running lap...you get the idea. Anyway, my hamstrings are still sore from the planter on Monday and today during my laps I seriously thought my upper legs had turned into lead. But you just push through and walk when you have to. Suddenly, you're further along than you thought!
I take a nap (after a shower and breakfast) from about 10 to noon because my body is so exhausted. And even with that, I am sleeping better at night and feeling much better about myself. Hubby is swimming over 3 miles a week, and both of us are significantly noticing how much better we feel about ourselves and each other.
P.S. As most of you know, we went to Spokane recently to visit my Dad's side of the family. Please see hubby's blog for a recount of our travels.
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