Real quick

We had a great Thanksgiving with Matt's side of the family. We headed up to Fairfield, CA to visit Uncle Jim, Aunt Beth, and cousins Leah and Kaitlin. We were the only family from Jim's side at dinner. Everyone else was from Beth's side but it was great to meet them and get to eat some fantastic food. Friday we went to Napa Wine Country and Saturday we spent in San Francisco. We ended the weekend with a side-trip to South San Fran to see the Dickens Fair and visit with friends Jeremy and Katy. We got home this morning around 3:30.

Unfortunately I woke up with a bad cold on Wednesday and was sick for the entire weekend. I started feeling better on Friday and by this morning I realized I had been through the worst of it. I'm still stuffy, but the only thing I mind is having to go back to work tomorrow. UGH.

I will post more details about our trip later. Right now it's time for more rest.

Little Ballerina

I'm not sure how many of you are familiar with the Pacific Northwest Ballet Company in Seattle. I danced there from 2nd to 5th grade, and even got a part in the battle scene in their annual Nutcracker show. Every night, my parents would take me to the Seattle Opera House (which has since been demolished). I would walk backstage and through the corridors to see the Seattle Symphony musicians gettin their instruments from their lockers. I'd find my mirror and my costume in the dressing room, get my hair in a bun on the top of my head, and go through the make-up line. My mom even volunteered to help with make-up and put on my round-red cheeks (created by cutting a hole in a tupperware lid and smooshing it on my face) one night. It was a magical and memorable experience that will stay with me for a very long time.

I stopped dancing at PNB when I was 12. They wanted me to come to class 4 times a week and I wanted to be a kid. So I started taking jazz and tap at a small studio in the neighborhood. It wasn't much. I actually gained weight while there. My mom did her homework and found another neighborhood studio that taught jazz and ballet, and would I like to audition? I jumped at the chance. I was promptly told that my turnout was too "turned out" and my fingers created the "wrong" sillouhette. But I decided that this was the place for me, and proceeded to sign up with Ballet Arts Magnolia. I was with them for 4 years before I was told that even though I wanted to be a dancer, I didn't have the body for it. With that, and my grades going down, my parents and I decided to just stick with the 1 day a week jazz class.

To this day I miss ballet terribly but won't go back. I have tried ballet classes in the past and it's rough on my joints. I have ankle and knee issues due to all the jumping, pointing, leaping, and for whatever reason, I can't stand up straight to save my life. But I'll never forget those days in the Opera House, or my final solo with Ballet Arts. There was something magical about the expression of dance that will always stay with me.

The above video is from a movie that PNB put out years ago. The featured clip is the Peacock Dance from their Nutcracker production. When I was little, that was the role I wanted.

Say what?

I'm not a huge Celine Dion fan, but this is pretty entertaining!

A good weekend so far

Last night I went to Yoga and it felt really good. I was a good girl and kept myself hydrated all day, and it really helped with my overall workout. I still had to sit down and escaped to the air-conditioned bathroom a few times. But within the first few minutes, I was already sweating and by the time class was over, I had a nice glow. I was so proud of myself for going and the best part was that there weren't very many people in the class. Since it was Friday night, I guess everyone went out. I also enjoyed the instructor's pace of the class. She kept the room a little cooler so we were able to go a little faster which meant we ended a little earlier. :) I was home by 8:15.

Tonight I get to see friends which will be fun. Amanda, Kari, and Paul (Kari's fiancee) are coming over to see our place and then we're heading out to thai food down the street. Then we're off to Magic Mountain for a special roller-coaster evening. Apparently, Paul's employer has worked out a "magic" deal where employees and their friends can enjoy the park by themselves for 6 hours! I'm really excited to go as I haven't been to Magic Mountain in over a year and I hear they have some amazing roller coasters. It will also be nice to spend some time with Amanda and Kari as I rarely see them anymore. Hopefully Matt will still be able to come. Poor guy has a migraine right now. :(

I've been asked quite a few times about the writers strike and how it's affecting us. I will blog about that later, perhaps when I feel a little more positive about the situation.

Smile for the camera!

Attempting to "vogue" at Curt and Laurel's wedding.

Paige and I in wine country. I think this was our 2nd winery? :)

Our friends Don and Cindy. Aren't they a cute couple?

I "borrowed" these pictures from Cindy's blog. She has more posted on her site, including some of her very cute doggies!

It's good ? to be back

I went back to Bikram Yoga on Sunday morning at the ungodly hour of 8am. And it felt great! The bonus was that I got a super parking spot right outside the studio. I was barely with it on my way to my car, but with Tom Petty singing on the way home, I felt very calm and at peace which I haven't felt in such a long time. I couldn't wait to go back.

Another bonus to Sunday's practice - my favorite instructor was there! His name is Tavi, and he is just amazing. Which reminds me, I need to call the studio and find out which classes he teaches. He makes the session so enjoyable and relaxing and I feel like he really cares about each person in the class.

Come Monday afternoon at work, I stood up and almost had to sit back down again, the pain was so intense! I must have pulled a muscle in my calf that makes it difficult to stand and walk after a few hours of sitting at my desk, watching tv, etc. So I'm trying to get up once an hour and just walk around. Stretching doesn't seem to help. I'm so miffed. I was hoping to go back tonight but I think I'll wait. I don't want to antagonize this little injury any further. I think I'll go back on Saturday morning. Even though 8am is ungodly early, the studio is not humid which make the practice much easier for me. Hopefully my leg will be feeling better by then. Even if it's not, I may go back anyway as it would be good to stretch it out and as long as I listen to my body during practice, I should be fine. Just being in that hot room is enough to get a good work out!

Inspired by someone I barely know

About a year and a half ago, my friend Celena introduced me to a wonderful workout called Bikram Yoga. I fell in love with it almost immediately, despite the naseua from the heat and the sore muscles the next day (later I found out it's one the poses that makes me feel ill, so I just started skipping that particular step until I felt stronger). Anyway, I recently found a blog written by an old aquaintance and theater buff I knew in college (what does SB mean?). I found out that she practices Bikram Yoga too! I thought to myself "If she can do it, so can I. She commutes from Tacoma to the eastside every day, for petes sake. And remember it helped you lose 10 pounds in 6 weeks?"

So I am going to commit to Bikram again. Twice a week - once after work and once on the weekends. They say you have to go twice a week minimum to get the maximum results and I can do that. The closest studio has a session late at night that I really enjoyed. There's also one in Studio City that has a session at 10pm, which my manager goes to. I told her next time she goes to let me know so that I could join her and experience a new place.

Now this yoga costs moolah. And we don't have a lot of it. I've been spending my allowance on eating out to lunch everyday, keeping it as cheap and as healthy as possible. If I'm to start yoga, I must find an alternative. I have found a room in our office that is not being used, has a great view of the lot and the park, and has no phone! I can easily eat in there and read a book. I'm also going to research nearby parks for when I have the car and need to escape. I'll allow myself to eat out on Thursdays, and maybe a Friday or two.

Save money and get healthy at the same time. I can do this!

Introspective

Thanks, Cindy!

life would be simpler if... the writers strike was over and matt got signed by an agent.

i feel most beautiful... when i'm laughing.

the quality i like most about myself... how i can find the positive in the negative, no matter what the situation is.

the quality i like least about myself is... i can't seem to find the right words to express myself when i'm talking.

something that no one knows about me is... i have a hard time being around strong women sometimes because i want to be like them instead of my irritating self.

something I'm proud of... sticking out this job even though i've now been bored for hours. we need the money and at least i have a job!

guiltiest pleasure? cookies and milk after 10pm.

high road or low road? High

my favorite possession is... my new wool coat

when i was little, i wanted to be... a marine biologist. i was fascinated with the sea.

what surprises me most about my adult life is... that seeing your friends and family every so often is acceptable and how tired i am after a "long" day at work.

the big decision i'm currently wrestling with is... how to be a better human being and to put forth the postive engery i so desperately want in my own life. and what will we do if the writer's strike doesn't end before we have to pay back the loans?

It's cold for us!

Freezing at night, shivering under the sheets and wearing fleeces when I get home. Hot cups of decaf pumpkin spice lattes from Starbucks, wearing my wool coat at work, and it's just barely enough.

I am a weather wimp and proud of it. When it's 100 degrees in the summer, 60 degrees in the winter is cold!

So proud!

Last night was the end of a long day. We had to return the rental car last night and pick up our car from the shop (since we are driving an 800 mile round trip to San Francisco in 2 weeks we wanted to have the car looked at, thank goodness we did because there was a small oil leak). Due to traffic, we couldn't return the rental car by 6 but we could pick up our car. All of the sudden we were a two-car family! But only for a night. :P Anyway, Matt dropped me off at the dealer's to pick up our car and headed home, only to find traffic on Hollywood Blvd at a standstill (10 minutes later I had no problems...that is, until I got to Western). He was tired and frustrated and hungry. So was I. After a long day at work, the last thing I wanted to do was cook. He suggested ordering in but I was tired of the options and knew I could make something much better for him. So, I settled for me having leftovers and making him his own dish. Luckily, I had planned this dish out already and the bonus was it's one of his favorites.

Since our new blog is for new recipes only, I'll post it here. Enjoy!

Sausage and Peppers
from Cooking With My Sisters by Adriana Trigiani

Note: This is the "serves 2" version.

4 pre-cooked italian sasuage links, such as Addells, sliced
1/2 onion, sliced
1-2 green peppers, sliced
salt and pepper to taste
1 clove garlic, minced (optional, I haven't tried it yet but I will next time)

In large skillet, pour a little water on the bottom so that the sausages don't burn. Turn skillet to medium-high heatWhen ready, add italian sausage and cook for about 3-5 minutes, until slightly softened. Add vegetables and seasonings, stir, and cover for 10 minutes. Reduce heat to medium or medium-low.

By now, I eye-ball this reciepe. Be careful to not overcook the sausages. Vegetables should still be a little crispy. Excellent with a tossed salad and a slice of hearty bread.

Feeling good

And taking advantage. I've been doing well with taking my daily medications of no-sneeze and no-sniffle. It's been really nice to be able to breathe at night again. Still working on "working out" when I get home but I'm up to once a week which is an improvement after nothing at all. Will try for twice a week soon - shooting for once after work and once during the weekend. The ballet DVD that I got for my birthday kicks my butt every time, but I know it's for the best in the long run.

I've been having so much fun with the new blog that Cindy and I created last weekend. It's really inspired me to cook more and try new things that originally I would say "no" to. I've also enjoyed seeing the difference in our styles of cooking and recipe choices.

No more weekly recipes here!

Check out Cooking Kama Sutras, a communal hot and spicy cooking site where (so far) Cindy and I share new recipes and the stories that emerge with them. I hope you enjoy it and if you want to contribute, let us know!

Hope to see you in our e-kitchen soon!

What I love right now

My husband who has been very understanding of my moodiness and is there to calm me down and help me figure out what is really going on.

My friends who have offered to listen so that I can unload my brain, shuffle things around, and get everything organized in my head.

My therapist who has encouraged me to come to therapy once a week for the next 4 weeks to help deal with my anger, sadness, and general frustration. I told her it's going to be hard to tear down this wall that I've built up and that as I was telling her that, I could feel my brain going "NO! NO! Stop talking! Don't go there!"

Blogging. It helps me open up to you, my friends and family, and let you know how I'm doing without having to really "say" anything.

Terrible movies. I mean REALLY BAD movies. Last night I saw "Showgirls" with Elizabeth Berkley. UGH. I especially enjoyed the fake bras around the boobs. I couldn't even watch the last 10 minutes because I found the last 10 minutes a show I hadn't been watching much more interesting. And I don't feel like I missed out on anything.

The Actors Studio. On Tivo, I have saved the following episodes: The Simpsons, Robin Williams, and Alec Baldwin. Anytime I need a laugh, I just push play and almost instantly I'm laughing so hard that I'm crying.

New season of Project Runway starts November 14!! I'm so so excited!

Rough days ahead

But little things make me laugh. Thanks Katy!

Getting personal

Did you ever have so many thoughts in your head and feelings in your heart that you just don't know where to begin? Did you ever think that if you don't express yourself soon, whether it's in anger, frustration, happiness, or confusion, that you'll just burst? Do you ever feel that you don't know who you are, but you know who you want to be, and you have no clue how to get there? Or maybe you do, but it's an awful lot of emotional work and by unraveling you'll not be this "strong" person that people think you are? Did you ever feel so close to reaching out to those who love you but decided at the last minute you'd rather just deal with it on your own?

I had some great things to say this morning on my way to work, but of course that was in the car when I can't jot down my thoughts, and I've forgotten what I really wanted to say.

On fire

As I am sure many of you have heard by now, there are about 15 wildfires burning in Southern California. Matt and I are not directly affected, and neither are our friends. But that's not to say we aren't freaked out by the giant smoke cloud above the city every night, or by the eerily pink/red sun that appears at dusk. I check the news reports about every hour to get some sort of update. I think of all the families and animals that are displaced from their homes, hoping that their lives will soon be back to normal. I also can't help but wonder about staying in SoCal for the long-term means that our future home will eventually burn down.

And the doctor says...

...that I have severe allegies. Here are prescriptions for 3 different medications! Claritin, Flo-nase, and the Sudafed that you have to get from behind the counter as it is the "real stuff". They even had to run my driver's license at the pharmacy to make sure I wasn't on record for making meth! The doctor said the reason I wasn't sleeping was because of my allergies, so we'll see. But yet again, I couldn't sleep last night - up for 5 hours! I called in to my manager this morning and said "I couldn't sleep, must function, need to sleep in." Everyone has been very understanding, and I hope these meds solve the problem. Of course, with the Santa Ana winds blowing like mad and the fires, my allergies are more intense.

I may also get some over-the-counter sleeping pills just in case this doens't work. My chiropractor says I have to re-set my clock. I have be in bed by 10:30 at the latest and get up at 6:30 without hitting the snooze button. I also need to exercise when I come home instead of taking a nap which will help me wake up and be more alert in the evening.

Part of the reason I couldn't sleep last night was that I was having terrible nightmares, unfortunately about my mom. I was screaming in my dream to wake up and I woke up in my dream, only to find myself hallucinating about my surroundings...I fell on the floor, and our kids walked in saying "What's wrong with you?" It was really freaky. My dreams have been like that for the past few weeks, and I'm not sure why.

Here's to new schedules, new internal clocks, and my medicated self. Woohoo!

Happy Anniversary!

Yesterday Matt and I celebrated 6 years of being together, and we had so much fun.

We started off by him letting me sleep in until 11, and then we got ready to go see the chiropractor, Dr. Campos. He had to stagger our appointments, which was fine because there was a lovely sushi restaurant downstairs where we enjoyed our lunch. After our adjustments, we came home and promptly napped for 3 hours. We are such romantics. :)

Our original plans for dinner called for dinner at Universal City Walk but we decided to blow that off and go to The Grove. I chose the restaurant, one of my favorites in the city. I don't know the name but it's there right when you walk in. We both had pasta for dinner accompanied by a pinot noir wine from Oregon (Cindy, it's the one you like), and then the restaurant treated us to a chocoloate mousse cake for our anniversary.

Afterwards, we went to the movie theater just across the way and bought tickets for Elizabeth II. Since the movie didnt' start for 2 hours, we did some window shopping and I found a great blazer (unfortunately, not on sale) at Banana Republic. I did put it on hold but I won't be going to pick it up. We walked into various boutique stores and walked out laughing at the funny sales people with their ridiculous prices. And the movie was fantastic, I highly reccomend it. Cate Blanchett, as always, is a incredible actress and carries the movie well.

It was a wonderful day with my guy and I'm looking forward to the days to come.

An oldie but a goodie

From an older post...

Baking Cookies (with your cat)
1. Look in cookbook for cookie recipe
2. Get cup of coffee.
3. Get cat off of cookbook.
4. Find that special recipe.
5 . Get cat's nose out of coffee cup
6. Go to fridge and get eggs.7. Get dry ingredients from cupboard.
8. Break eggs in small bowl.
9. Sift dry ingredients in large bowl.
10. Answer the phone.
11. Cat ate eggs; get more from fridge.
12. Get cat out of flour bowl and dust cat off.
13. Get Band-Aids for scratches on hands.
14. Throw flour out and get more.
15. Preheat oven for cookies.
16. Looking at cat & wanting to bake cat now. Cat runs for cover into bathroom.
17. Flour the counter to roll out cookie dough.
18. Big crash in bathroom; run to see what happened.
19. Cat has TP all over floor; stuff spilled and knocked over on top of bathroom counter.
20. Yell at cat. Cat falls in toilet bowl.
21. Can sense cat is angry.
22. Take cat out of toilet to dry cat off.
23. Get bandages to cover more scratches on arms and legs.
24. Cleanup bathroom.
25. Hear a thump in kitchen ...Oh Golly ... now what?
26. Get cat off floured counter in kitchen.
27. Try to pick out cat hairs from flour.
28. Step on cat's tail and get bitten.
29. Get coat, car keys, and go to store to buy cookies!!!

TGIF

Seriously. It's this week. It's gone by SO SLOWLY and it's almost over. Of course, today is not without it's challenges.

I woke up feeling pretty good, more awake than I have in weeks and cosidering I had a dream about my favorite singer, I thought the day might be off to a good start. I started the car and popped in one of my favorite CD's, cranked up the volume, and sang along all the way to work. I noticed on my way to work that I was behind a friend of mine who works in the same building which was hilarious because she didn't even see me until we pulled into the building.

I got to work and someone yelled that the voicemail wasn't working. Again. After I spent an hour on the phone with the guy from the phone company installing some new "thing" in our motherboard (mothership is more like it). Now we can't transfer calls to voicemail or even check our voicemail. Not even the main VM, which is the most important one. So I have spent 2 hours this morning dealing with the phone guy again, and he can't fix the problem. He's going to to have to send someone out to work on the system BUT no one is available to come out to the office until Monday. Lucky me. I get to take messages all frickin day long.

Again I say TGIF. At least we have a fun weekend planned and I'm looking forward to it!

Old faces

I checked out a friend's blog today and enjoyed reading her post about the Community Garden Event in Tacoma. Then I decided to check out some of the other Tacoma-based blogs linked to her site. Lo and behold, the first one I click on belongs to a woman I went to college with. Both she and her husband were active in the theater department at PLU. I couldn't believe it. I scroll down to find picutres at PLU Homecoming with other people I had gone to school with. It struck me that the internet is random and odd, but at times it can be rather small and make you feel old and wistful!

I made a doctor's appointment for Monday. I'll keep you posted on what the doctor says.

Sleep-deprived

Ok, we don't have kids. We don't have yardwork to do, and no one is going to school for the time being. Our life is pretty simple, after all it is just the two of us and 3 crazy cats.

But I seem to have a weird sleep schedule and I don't know what to attribute it to. I have overly colorful, extrememly vivid dreams, and often wake up once an hour but go right back to sleep. I wake up exhausted, whether having slept a full 8 hours or a measley 5 or 6 hours. Matt suggested I start working out when I get home to get my juices flowing. It's not a bad idea - I know Cindy does it and she says it releases quite a bit of stress from her day and seems like a good way to spend that transition time between work self and home self.

I do know that I need to see the doctor about these horrible allergies that I have (which could be a small cold, who knows, it's hard to tell the difference) that lead to me not being able to breathe properly...and maybe I'll bring up the subject of sleeping pills while I'm at it.

Cooking for my man

I went out with my dear friend Mary today. We went to lunch and then saw a play that our friend Elizabeth was in. I came home to find the place dark and empty. I called Matt to find out where he was and apparently he had gotten locked out! He proceded to tell me that he had fainted today, to which I immediately got into mother-mode and said that he should come home. He said he would, he'd be home in 5 minutes.

Well I was wrestling all day what to make for dinner since I had fixings for 3 recipes, and after he told me he fainted, I immediately chose "Flash Fajitas" as I thought he could use a little red meat. Within 20 minutes, we were watching re-runs of the Daily Show and chowing down.

I hope you enjoy them as much as we did!

Flash Fajitas
Real Simple

1 tablespoon olive oil
1 lb. skirt steak, cut into thirds
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1 large yellow onion, thinly sliced
1 large bell pepper (any color), thinly sliced
1 12-count package corn or small flour tortillas
Sour cream, salsa, and guacamole for serving

Heat the oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Season the steak with 1/4 teaspoon of the salt and pepper. Cook for 3 minutes. Turn and move the sides of the skillet. Add the onion and cook, sitrring occasionally, for 2 minutes. Add the bell pepper, season with the remaining salt, and cook until the vegetables are softened and the steak is medium-rare, 3 to 4 minutes more. Transfer the onion and bell pepper to a bowl. Transfer the steak to a cutting board. Place the tortillas in a microwave and warm on high for 1 1/2 minutes. SLice the steak and serve with the onion, bell pepper, sour cream, salsa, and guacamole.

Back to school?

I always thought I would go back to school for theater. I love love LOVE to act on the stage. The rehearsal process is always fun because not only do I get to create and learn about my character, I also get to know my fellow cast members and make new friends. I love being on stage, the joy of creating a new world that I get to bring to the audience for just a few hours, and the rush of happiness as I go out for curtain call and they give our cast a standing ovation! It is the greatest feeling in the world to me, and I miss it terribly.

So why don't I want to go to school for acting?

I finally came to a realization about this subjet last night while talking to Cindy. I made the decision awhile ago that I did not want the lifestyle of an actress. When you're just starting out, there's a lot of money that you have to spend for training, headshots, mailings (that you generally send out yourself), stamps, and on top of that cost of daily living. And while I have many friends who are actors/actresses and are doing their best to make a living at it, the late nights, the cost, the lifestyle is not something I desire. One of us in this business is enough, and I'm ok with that. I would rather keep acting as a hobby, audition for the plays that have characters that I can relate to and want to learn more about.

Of course, every play in this city is treated like a jumping board for those who want to act in film. It's incredibly comepetive and each person is better than the next. The one play I did audition for a few years ago completely backfired. I was terribly nervous and shaking, BUT I rocked my monologue! Then when it came to the group audition I didn't know what to do and the other actors just outshined me. While I was waiting in the hall, I came to find that they all knew each other and had all this history, which was evident when they all got on stage.

I didn't get a call as to whether I got a part in the play or not, which was fine. An audition is like a job interview. Just going can tell you quite a bit about the director, their crew, and who they want to work with. It would have been a group of aspiring, young actresses full of gossip and drama which is not what I want to invest my time in (imagine that, drama among actors!). I seek community theater, people from the same area who want to bring arts and stories to their neighbors, to take them away into another world, even for just a few hours.

So with all of this going through my head, Matt and I were on the way to my work this morning, listening to NPR. I love NPR and the stories that they tell. Every time I tune in, I hear someone new telling their stories, and it fascinates me. So far, I've heard Sara Tavares, Jimmy Carter, Stephen Colbert, and this morning was a new band called Band of Horses. It suddenly dawned on me that maybe, just maybe, when the time is right, I could go to school for journalism. I'm not really into the news (more like the headlines) but I love reading and listening to people's stories. I haven't felt this inspired in awhile, and now I want to go look on line to look at creative writing and journalism programs. :)

I wish...

...that I wasn't a perfectionist. My job would be easier and I wouldn't make stupid mistakes. I need to slow down and process information before moving on to the next step.

...that I was outside. Or at least had a window in my office. I can't even see the sun!

...that I was 30 which would mean that I would be going to NYC soon.

...that it was November so that Matt and I would be in wine country.

...that I could instantly drop those last 15 pounds instead of being so uber careful about what I eat, how much, and having to find an exercise plan that I'll actually stick to.

...that it was Thursday which means game night and also that the weekend is almost here.

...that it was time to go home, but alas! An hour and a half to go!

Mac & Cheese

Ok, this is inspired by Kevin and Lena, who have posted some of their favorite recipes. Guess I better get on the bandwagon!

The following recipe is perfect for cold winter nights and/or comfort food cravings. It's my mom's recipe and it's 100 times better than the boxed variety. Enjoy!

Mom's Mac and Cheese

4 cups large elbow maccaroni noodles
3 cups shredded cheddar cheese (Tillamook is best)
2 tablespoons flour
1 cup milk
salt and pepper to taste
2 tablespoons butter
onion salt (about 1/2 - 1 teaspoon)
1 teaspoon dry mustard
(can also add chopped cooked ham)

In large pan, boil water with salt and olive oil. Add noodles and cook according to package directions. Meanwhile, melt butter in saucepan. Add flour and whisk until smooth. Add milk and spices and whisk until smooth. Bring to boil stirring occasionally. When thickened, add 2 cups of the shredded cheese and stir until smooth.

Drain noodles and put back in pot. Stir in sauce and pour into baking pan (I use an 9x9). Sprinkle rest of cheese on top. Bake 1/2 hour in 350 degree oven.

Cindy, I expect that you'll be next? :)

Taking me back

Last night on my way home I turned on the radio and heard "Kiss From A Rose" by SEAL. I couldn't believe it. The last time I heard this song was in college and before that I was obsessed with the song in high school. I couldn't get enough of it. Suddenly I was 15 again with Mike and Grace as my best friends and pining away over Chris O'Donnell...What was even more amusing is that I still knew all the words!

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

Every once in awhile I get bored with my blog layout. I have always liked this one. It reminds me of nightime on our rooftop with all the lights and sounds below us.

Honey, this made my year!

For Matt's 30th birthday I arranged for 4 of our closest friends from Washington State to fly down and surprise him. I had been planning this since April, and all of us were terribly excited, including Cindy and Don, because the surprise was to be held at their house! I spent Thursday in a nervous panic, trying to keep my mouth shut and staying as calm as possible as we drove out to Don and Cindy's for our regular game night.

We arrived at the house after picking up groceries for Matt's favorite dinner. Cindy and I had discussed before-hand to have the 4 guests in the gaming room so Matt would not have a clue as to what was going on (now I had told Matt that his surprise would be over the weekend so that we could get the full 'surprise' effect). So I told Matt to walk back there and drop off his bags, which he did and as he walked down the hallway Cindy and I followed to witness the following occurance.

"Hey there, how is..."

Bug eyes - double take

"What the...!!!"

Staggers back into the door, almost falling over

We got the whole thing on someone's digital camera! :)

The surprise guests were Steve, Brie, Jeff, and Tina. They were so excited to be the surprise gifts for this huge occasion. Of course, my camera sucks so everyone will have to wait to see pictures from the weekend.

Friday night was dinner at Lawry's Prime Rib in Beverly Hills. Lots of money for lots of good food, wine, and company. We had a great time, and the surprise guests were Curt and his fiancee Laurel.

Saturday was clean-Cindy's-house-and-go-shopping-for-BBQ-where-we expect-30plus-guests day. We were so tired by the end of the night I wasn't sure how any of us would fare on Sunday brunch! Cordy and Seamus, Don and Cindy's weiner dogs, were endlessly entertaining and it was great to see Matt's friends, some who I hadn't met yet. He told me at the end of the night that he felt very loved and appreciated, which is exactly what I wanted for him. (For more details on the party festivities, check out Cindy's blog.)

Sunday morning was a bit more slow paced. We gathered for brunch on our rooftop to enjoy Mimosa's, a delicious casserole, and Cindy's lovely fruit salad. It was a perfect morning - clear blue sky, palm trees, and lots of jokes and stories were told. Matt and I were sad when everyone left for the airport but eventually real life always kicks in.

At the end of the day yesterday Matt gave me a huge hug and said "Honey, this was the best birthday and the best presents. You definitely made my year."

Mission accomplished. :)

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday dear Maaaaathewwwwwwwwwww
Happy Birthday to you!

Happy Birthday to my wonderful sweet amazing husband. I hope the start of your 30's is the start everything you've been dreaming of (minus a trophy wife)!

No serious brain power required

Thanks Jenny!

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & current car), Smokey Bronco

2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (fave ice cream flavor, favorite cookie), Cookie Dough White Chocoloate Macadamia

3. YOUR “FLY Guy/Girl” NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name), C-Mes (same as Cindy's!)

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal), Purple Cat

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born), Elizabeth Seattle

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first), Van-Ca

7. SUPERHERO NAME: (”The” + 2nd favorite color, favorite drink), The Red Wine

8. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers), Wesley Richard

9. STRIPPER NAME: ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy), Vanilla Milky Way

10.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names ), Elizabeth Eugene

11. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (Your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter), Meyer Minneapolis

12. SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday, flower). Fall Sunflower

13. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now + “ie” or “y”) Pear Underweary

14. HIPPY NAME: (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree), Croissant Cherry

15. YOUR ROCKSTAR TOUR NAME: (”The” + Your fave hobby/craft, fave weather element + “Tour”),The Drawing Rain Tour

Missing

I am on my own tonight. Matt's had meetings all day and I am craving tuna casserole. As I search for my cookbook with the recipe in my handwriting I relize I've left it at Don and Cindy's, which means I must dive into the index card recipe collection that Mom had made for me shortly after Matt and were married. In the front is an email she sent me for her home-made pesto. I had asked for it for months, and finally she emailed it to me. It sits there, along with the entire box, waiting to be used again. And I can't bring myself to do it, even a year later, because it still hurts too much to see her handwriting and those "xoxo" 's on her email. It's at times like this, when I'm cooking and have to use her knowledge, her pieces of advice - especially in the kitchen - that it really truly hits me like a freight train, that she is gone, she's not coming back, and while I think I've accepted it, the fact of the matter is I only want her back because I desperately miss her.

Observations

I just love how Stephanie Paige and I can go shopping even when she's in NYC and I'm in L.A. She and I were exchanging phone calls and picture mail messages via cell phone yesterday so she could pick out a pair of (trendy) brown loafers. I looked up at the sky and just wondered in amazement how many conversations must be linked together right now through those sattelites in space...how busy the world is and yet it seems so simple when I'm at lunch eating my salad (outside) and shoe shopping via my cell phone...

I love how small this city can be, and how I have a job where I get to meet all kinds of people from different backgrounds, and all the things I have in common with them! Yesterday a "southern gentleman" from Florida came in. He had just moved here 6 days ago and was terribly homesick. I told him I felt the same way when I moved here 2 years ago, but that we all adjust at some point and that he would be okay. We started chatting about roller coasters and all the fun things you can do in L.A. I think we both felt a little better after our conversation. Poor guy...he was really hurting for Jacksonville, FL...

The cafe across the street has a perfect soup of the day today - Clam Chowder! I can't wait. Today it's cloudy and drizzling...it reminds me of Seattle and those nights where you just want to snuggle under a blanket and turn up the heat. Here, it gets a little muggy but we need the drizzle and a break from the sun. Today Leslie and I are heading off to the cafe to soothe our craving and rumbling tummies with Clam Chowder. While it's not Ivars, it's pretty darn close.

Old resolutions...

From January 3, 2007...

1. Exercise three times a week (which is going to happen when bootcamp starts next Monday);

2. Eat less sugar, more protein and fresh veggies/fruits. Only one junk food day allowed;

3. Eat out only once a week, or not at all;

4. More date nights with hubby;

5. Keep in better touch with family and friends;

6. Pick my battles;

7. READ books, not just skim through in order to get a vague idea;

8. Get books from the libary. I can't afford them and my bookshelf is full. I don't have room in this apartment for another one;

9. I'm a grown up. Need to be asleep at this time. Go to bed earlier. Preferably before midnight.

Girls Weekend

This weekend Stephaine Paige, Cindy and I headed up to San Luis Obispo Wine Country for a few days of girl talk, woman talk, and lots of wine and inside jokes. It was a blast and I am still reveling in the inner-peace and self-confidence that came from just a few days among mature, gifted, and fabulous women. I am very lucky to be able to call them my closest friends and my favorite part is that I learn something new about them and about myself every time I come into their company.

I will describe our adventures later on...I wonder, did Stephanie Paige ever find her missing roast beef?

Better, but not by much

In response to Cindy's comment, I am feeling a little better but only thanks to Emergen-C and Airborne. I've hardly eaten anything at all - I just want to sleep. It's almost the end of the day...I'm going to try to take a nap. Amanda and Kari invited Paige and I out tonight but I'm more interested in spending the evening curled up on the sofa with a hot bowl of soup and going to bed early. And I feel terrible because I really want to see my girls!

Unacceptable!

I am not getting sick. This is NOT happening. I am in denial. Airborne is my new best friend today. Thank goodness it takes care of whatever it is I'm NOT feeling.

I will not be sick. This is simply mind over matter. I can be sick when I go to the dentist's office next week, but not while Paige is here and when Cindy, she and I have a fabulous weekend planned in San Luis Obispo!

Friendly Visit

One of my closest and dearest friends, Stephanie Paige, is coming to visit. She arrives tomorrow and I CAN'T WAIT!!! :) I've been talking about her visit non-stop for a few days now. There's something about having a girlfriend around who just "gets you". No explanation required. They know you inside and out. Even silence is comfortable. While I have a few girlfriends like that here, I don't see them nearly enough, and even when I do it's, well, there's men around and it's not the same. I miss my girlfriends. I miss lunches and tea, I miss pedicures, manicures, giggling and laughing. Remember slumber parties? Maybe when I turn 30 I'll get a hotel room and just have a big slumber party, who knows...I miss being feminine and girly. Real life takes too much of a toll.

So I'm hoping with her visit that I can slip into my girly yet mature side, even if only for a few days. We have one fun thing planned - wine country up in SLO with Cindy on Saturday - which I'm very much looking forward to.

Audits are no fun

We got audidted yesterday, at work. I spent an 11 hour day on Friday working on getting our files in order, making sure all our working candidates had complete files.

It was a disaster. Files mis-filed, very few OC's (office coordinators) before me knew how to alphabetize or fill out forms correctly. But I knew that we had until Wednesday to get everything done. Or so I thought.

I came Monday with the goal of getting many things done for the audit. We even brought a temp so I didn't have to answer the phones (which wasa huge help). I spent the day going through more files and more paperwork, figuring out what was missing, and I have to tell you it was quite boring but I was proud of my accomplisments in figuring out exactly where our branch is at. And it wasn't good. I showed it to the division manager and she nearly had a heart attack. I called the auditor to find out exactly when she would be here Wednesday morning, and then the words came...

"I'll be there tomorrow at 9am."

(pause) "Ruby, please tell me you're joking. I will faint if you're going to be here tomorrow, we're so not ready!"

"Oh, you guys will be fine."

In panic I ran to the Manager's office only to find him in the meeting with the entire branch. I said "She'll be here tomorrow" to which he responded "Well then. We're screwed."

In short we passed the audit by the skin of our teeth. Next year I plan on getting a much better score. I know that I can only control what comes through my hands, and they've had a lot of turnover in this position. So it's my job, for however long I am here, to make sure things are in order...at least on my end.

This says it all

From the LA Times - by Sandy Banks.

An L.A. heritage that binds us all

In a city that can break the will of natives and newcomers alike, being from L.A. conveys survivor status.

September 8, 2007

It was a trip my daughter and I have made a dozen times, heading north out of the San Fernando Valley, up the I-5 past the orchards and cattle ranches of the San Joaquin Valley, west through the Pacheco Pass and up Highway 101 into the heart of the Silicon Valley.But this time my daughter wasn't heading back to her messy, crowded dorm at college. She has graduated, found a job and is moving into her first apartment -- a sunny unit in a well-tended complex on a tree-lined street in Menlo Park. So why was she complaining the whole way up?

She doesn't want to give up Los Angeles. No new driver's license, she insists. Never mind that a Northern California address could save her enough on car insurance to keep her in pedicures. Four years away from home at school has taught her that an L.A. identity is a badge of honor.Like most of us, my daughter has a love-hate relationship with this city. She loves the beach, but hates jostling for space among crowds on the sand. She loves her multiethnic collection of L.A. friends, but freeway gridlock makes it hard to visit them. She loves wearing flip-flops all year long, but moans all summer that it's too hot to go outside. She doesn't always like being in L.A., but she knows that being from L.A. has its rewards.

When we visit relatives in Ohio, our Los Angeles address gilds everything we do with the patina of success. People from L.A. are stylish and trendy, shopping, as we all do, on Rodeo Drive. Does my sister-in-law in Toledo really have to know that the purse she's raving about came from Target and cost me $25? We have celebrity-sighting stories to tell. The rap legends Bone Thugs-n-Harmony played at my middle daughter's high school prom. But we don't tell our Toledo cousins the less-glamorous back story: The group played as a favor to the girl who baby-sits their kids, my daughter's classmate, who knows them from church.

Then there's the Rose Parade-fueled fantasy of our perfect weather. Never mind that 18 people in Los Angeles County died during last week's heat wave, because they were poor or old or isolated.Thousands more sweltered for days without electricity because our local utilities haven't kept up with growing power needs.

I came here 30 years ago, a refugee driven by L.A. fantasies. Cleveland had just emerged from another harsh winter; I'd been stranded for days by snow-clogged streets. Why should I spend winters shoveling snow when I could be sunning on the beach? I headed west with my husband and a plan to buy a modest house on the beach. It seems preposterous to me now. But I was 25 then, and my new Times job almost doubled my previous $14,000 salary. Surely, a Malibu lifestyle would be within reach.

We spent two years in a San Fernando Valley apartment, pinching pennies, reading real estate ads, reworking the math and downsizing our dreams. Finally we saved enough to make a down payment on a crumbling, two-bedroom Van Nuys fixer-upper that shared an alley entrance with an auto body shop. We had a baby, moved to Northridge, had two more kids and stopped pretending we were headed for any beach address. We settled for weekend treks to Zuma, though we never stopped ogling the homes we passed and wondering how all those folks managed to live so large.I'm still fascinated by this city's contradictions -- its grit and glamour, its grimy ghettos and gated estates, its relentlessly magnetic reach.

I've been lucky to spend 27 years here as a journalist, peering into hidden corners looking for stories to share. Here, Tuesdays and Saturdays, and on latimes.com I'll continue to tell those stories in this new column.Over the years, I've learned that for all our differences, our Los Angeles heritage binds us in ways that have little to do with weather or glamour or celebrities.

I understand why my daughter does not want to give up her L.A. identity. Navigating Los Angeles requires stamina and ingenuity. In a city that can break the will of natives and newcomers alike, being from L.A. conveys survivor status. I think a lot about how disconnected we are in this sprawling, swaggering metropolis -- split by geography, language, income and race -- with private lives that often bear little resemblance to the public perceptions of who we are.

Recently, I spent the day in Watts, roaming around the Jordan Downs public housing project -- one of those neighborhoods reporters don't write about without labeling it "gang-ridden" or "dangerous." I watched teenage girls pushing baby strollers preen for trash-talking boys on the basketball courts; grandmothers hanging laundry on lines strung across small patios; a young man on his knees, surrounded by toddlers, trying to trying to coax tomatoes from a tiny patch of rocky soil. I didn't get nervous until it got dark, and I made my way back to my car in the parking lot. It was blocked in by an old Chevy bearing "spinner" rims. A bare-chested young man marked up with tattoos swaggered over to me."This your car?" he asked. I nodded, wondering if this was when the shooting would start. "Can I have your parking space when you leave?" he said.He was stalking me for my parking stall, just like they do at the Northridge mall.

I'm Awesome-Possum!

For Jenny. This is a great confidence booster!

1. I am taking a new attitude at my job, more professional than personal and that way I'm not so emotinally invested. Today is the first day and while it's hard, I can tell that it will be to everyone's benefit.

2. I'm becoming to be a better listener to my husband, my friends, and my family. I'm asking questions and being more thoughtful in my responses while also keeping myself in check and not getting so involved. Most of the time they just need me to listen and I can do that.

3. I'm cooking more and find that I love to cook from scratch, creating a good meal that Matt and I both love.

4. I'm not ashamed to be a gamer anymore. I love the social aspect of it and the memories continually make me smile and laugh. It's a wonderful connection to have with my husband.

5. I'm taking intiative in telling people what I can handle and what I can't.

Ok, Cindy, you're up!

Sorry Lena!

Eeps! How could I forget? I drove to LAX to see Lena off back to Seattle. She and her family spent the last few days at Disneyland and it was so great to see her. The last time I got to see her was this time last year at Mattias' 4th birthday party. It was very special to see a friend from home, and Lena is also a link to PLU and my college girlfriends that I rarely get to see anymore.

As proof that we actually did manage to find each other at LAX, there is a great picture of us on her blog, which I will post later.

My bad, Lena! Sorry I forgot to mention it in the last post. It was early in the morning when I was writing and I wasn't thinking clearly. I'm a goob! :)

Not much to do

Our main database is down at work today. Apparently some upgrades and changes are being implemented which means I don't have much to do today. All my reports use that database for information! So I'm browsing the net and answering phones, anxiously awaiting the time when I go to lunch and can read my book.

This weekend was wonderfully relaxing. Matt and I just hung out at home, we did not set foot outside, except to the store. On Saturday night, Don and Cindy came over for a scrumptious dinner, if I do say so myself. I made a mushroom and onion quiche (the recipe is from one of the Moosewood Restaurant Cookbooks) and a salad, served with a fabulous Pinot Noir from Kelsey See Canyon Vineyards up in San Luis Obisbo. For desert, I have had this craving for Strawberry Shortcake, so that's what I made. Homemade biscuits and whipped cream with fresh strawberries that had a touch of sugar, served with a Syrah Rose from Hunts Cellars in Paso Robles. All of us were stuffed quite happily, and Cindy fell asleep between the two meals. Wine and benadryl will do that to a person but I was happy that she was comfy enough to rest.

Sunday I spent in my PJ's, as did Matt, for most of the day. It was fun being lazy and not doing much except to just spend time together in the same place.

I just got a big project to do for work, so I better go!

Meez Yourself

Labor Day Weekend and update on kitten

Labor Day Weekend couldn've lasted a few more days, right? I don't know anyone that wanted to go back to work, especially Mary and I. Friday night Matt and I stayed in, had dinner at home and just relaxed. On Saturday we lazed around and then Chandra and Nathan came over for a visit. They have an adorable Pug named Capone who stayed home, but Chandra loves cats so she came over to play with them and get her kitty fix (Nathan is allergic to cats so they have to stick with dogs). The afternoon extended into the evening and we ordered in sushi from Niko Niko which was amazing. Best sushi I've had in a long time! Very filling and the rolls were the right size.

They headed home into the hot humid night (it was 100+ all weekend). We went to bed shortly after they left and woke up Sunday at 11am to get ready for the day at the beach! Ben and Mary left their parking spot open for us as it was very crowded and very busy. We headed to lunch at Mao's down the street which was fun. It's totally Venice Beach - open space, casual menu's and veggie options for everything. I loved it. Then we headed back to their apartment and changed into our swimsuits for some beach and wave time! It was terribly hot that day so Mary and I immediately headed into that blissfully cool ocean water, and it totally worked. My body cooled off instantly and we had fun getting beaten up by those giant ocean waves. We came back to the sand and watched the bags while Ben and Matt left to get water, buy Matt a hat, and get some shade. They came back just as we dried off and so we girls headed back into the water, this time it was more of a shock to the system! My teeth started chattering but I didn't care - I was finally cool! Mary and I had a grand time chatting and catching up on all kinds of topics, and I hope hope hope we can get together again very soon as I've missed her very much! Matt and got home late but I felt very relaxed and ready to sleep.

Monday we had the a/c on at 80 degrees which was cool compared to the 108 degree furnace on the outside. All in all, it was nice to be cooled off, see friends and spend some time with good friends. We spent a litttle too much money dining out, but I didn't mind somehow. It all added to the experience of having a good weekend.

Kitten is doing well. Thank you for all the name suggestions! We chose "Ali" as it seems to fit her best (Thanks Lena!). She's definitely Matt's cat, he's crazy about her. Quinn is getting a little better (less hissing) and PJ is exhausted after being chased all day. We still put her in the office when she's causing trouble and annoying the other cats. She's entertaining, though, and brings new energy to our lives and our new home.

Minor detail

Thanks to Jenny's comment, I realized I forgot to mention that Donny did email me back and said he couldn't take her. I guess his wife said no. :(

Yay for us though! She's ours to keep. And thank you for all the suggestions. We're trying them out, seeing which ones fit her personality.

Weekend plans include spending Sunday at Venice Beach with Ben and Mary. I'm excited to get to the beach and spend some time in the sun. But not that much. It's going to be hot and I don't want to get sunburned. 106 today in Burbank. YUCK!

Lena is going to be here next week! Well, in Disneyland, but still in the general vincinity. We're going to try to meet up the morning she leaves for breakfast or coffee or something (Lena, we need to talk this weekend).

Suggestions?

So far we've come up with:

Tragedy
Tradg
Tink
Tonk
Trixie
Curly
Kit

None of these seem to fit. Any ideas? We've just been calling her "Kitten".

A few days of YUCK

Los Angeles, CA Clear, 69°
Wednesday 98° / 68°
Thursday 96° / 68°
Friday 93° / 67°
Saturday 91° / 65°

Burbank, CA Clear, 72°
Wednesday 102° / 71°
Thursday 100° / 71°
Friday 98° / 70°
Saturday 96° / 68°

102 today at work? Thank goodness for airconditioning. 100 tomorrow? Now come on! This is a bit much.

I can't wait for fall when the temperature drops and I can go back to being comfortable.

Meet "Tragedy"

Isn't she precious? We'll see if coffee-house guy wants her.

I don't know if he can say no after looking at those big beautiful eyes and sweet face.

Little Kitty Update

I talked to Donny at the local coffee house to see if he knew of anyone that wanted a kitten. And get this! He has been wanting a cat for the last 6 months but his wife kept saying no. But he wants to meet her. So I'm going to email him a picture tonight and see what they say.

So this morning Matt took her in to get shots and have a thorough examination and everything is fine. Apparently she's getting even more comfortable in the bathroom and is playing, exploring, and finally using her litterbox. Matt's not sure now about giving her away, and neither am I. I don't know what to tell Donny at this point. Maybe to wait and see if she winds up getting along with our cats? It's only been a few days...I don't know what to do.

I do know, that if we keep her, PJ and Quinn will not be very thrilled with her at the start. Hopefully that can change. At the very least, maybe "Tragedy" will start chasing Quinn around and Quinn will lose some weight.

I'll post a picture tonight. She really is adorable!

New kitty?

Last night when we were shooting "Alive", someone came in from the parking lot carrying a little kitten. She was terrified and shaking, poor thing. We thought she had been run over by a car since he had found her under one (her leash, a shoelace, was caught). So Matt, Jon (who she was clinging to), and I raced her over to a nearby emergency clinic.

Her tail isn't broken. She had terrible fleas, and after the shock, beacame one of the sweetest kittens I'd ever seen. Rubbing against us, purring as loud as possible. Meowing and chirping, so happy. She got some tests done - totally healthy - at least so far.

We brought her home around midnight then Matt ran out to Ralph's to get some kitten food and litter. She's in the bathroom while Quinn is stalking the door, trying to catch a glimpse of this strange creature.

I'm so exhausted - only 5 hours of sleep after a 12 hour day of shooting. We're not sure if we'll keep her. Right now it's important to keep the kitties separated and let them get used to each other's scent.

If any of our friends in L.A. are looking for a sweet, good natured, loving little grey kitten with a slightly odd tail (it's a birth defect, in a little corkscrew, almost), let us know. If we can't keep her, we'd like to find her a good home.

Birthday Celebrations

Cindy and I at Knott's Berry Farm

(Thanks for the picture, Don)

Kari C. flew in from Seattle to help celebrate.

Matt surprised me with a lovely jade necklace - will post a picture of it sometime.

Dinner at our favorite Italian Restaurant with Pirate Jeremy, Katy, Don, Cindy, Matt, and Kari.

Saw Stardust at the Arclight.

Spent Saturday at Knott's Berry Farm with Dave, Cindy, Nicole, Jay, Jeremy, Katy, Don, Cindy, Kari M., Paul, Kari C., Matt, and me.

Great fun was had by all, I hope! Thanks for making it one of the most memorable and fun birthdays ever!

Things unsaid

I'm putting myself out there.

It's 11:11pm at night. I just got home a few hours ago from a wonderful day with my husband. As most of you know, today marks the 1 year anniversary of Mom's passing. I didn't cry. I didn't yell or get angry. We had a peaceful day outside the city, enjoying the scenery and each other.

I am feeling sad though, and not because of Mom. Or maybe so, I'm not sure. But I'm realizing, after reading friends blogs and emails, that I've really shut myself off from those around me. I've been rather selfish with my friends, I think, in that I've been so focused on myself and not sharing what's going through my head, however, I've not been that great of a listener either. I want to be open to new ideas, to new opinions. I want to be more flexible in what I do in my free time, and not make a fuss when my friends suggest something that I may not want to do. I feel like what I've done is cut myself off because I'm afraid of emoting, afraid of being vulnerable. Everyone says I seem to be doing really well but I'm not. I'm cracking, and it's going to hit soon, and I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Everyone seems to be having these amazing experiences, with their kids, with ther new jobs and families, with their new adventures. And my life just seems to keep repeating itself. I really don't know where this last year went, I don't remember much at all. Is that normal? Is that bad? That I can't remember who I talked to and what I said or what the other person said? I feel so terribly lost and confused, and I'm spiraling down, unable to catch myself and come back to my centered, stable self.

What makes it worse is that I feel terribly cut off from my friends up North. I rarely talk to them anymore and when I do, there isn't much to say because we haven't talked in so long. And I don't know what to say because I'm so caught up in my own emotions that I don't have room for much else. But I want to care and I want to know. I want to help. I want to hear what their lives are like and be able to relate to my friends. I'm scared that in a few years, we'll barely talk at all. Sure, emails and blogs are easy, but it's those phone calls that mean "I want to take the time to talk to you one on one because I care."

Is it strange I feel out of the loop with my friends who have kids? They are experiencing the wonders and joys of motherhood and I so enjoy reading their stories and experiences. It's like a free advice column for me when I have children (but we're not ready yet). And yet, I can't relate. I don't know what it's like to give birth, to breastfeed, to be up all night with a sobbing baby. And I'm so proud to know these women who are raising kids, yet I can't talk to them about it because I don't know. Anything.

I was talking to Matt today about how I want to be more aware, about history, culture, politics. I find that I want to be more like my Mother, who was so smart and well rounded in so many subjects. I feel left out when conversations are going on around me, with words and phrases I don't understand. I hate that feeling. Of being an adult and yet still feeling like I'm being left out. But it's my fault for closing myself off to new things. I need to be more open. I need to ask questions and start reading books, to cook more and slow down and enjoy life. I want to become more well rounded and insightful.

I want to be at peace.

A plea to my coworkers

Have some consdieration if you're gone from the office around lunch time and call those of us who are waiting to go to lunch so we can have a break too. Check your cell phone to see we've called you 5 million times and then think, "Huh, maybe I should call the office." Please, be gone all afternoon so the rest of us can starve waiting for you and the glorious moment when you walk through the door and I can throw you a dirty look before running out the door to stuff my face with my lovely TOGO's tunda sandwich.

Goings On

Figures. The only time I have time to blog, really, is at the Early home while I'm waiting for Don to get the board set up and Cindy's picking out her spells.

So much has been going on, I don't even know where to start. Michelle and Sharon were visiting last weekend from Alaska and it was fun to see them. I hadn't seen them since last March so it was a big treat to have them here. I don't know what it is about their visits but something crazy always happens to the 3 of us when they come to visit! We went to Knott's Soak City on Sunday (fun, but not worth 20 bucks) and on our way there a cop car merged on the freeway. He sped up in front of the cars and started swerving in and out of all 4 lanes! Everyone slowed down and started looking at other drivers as if to say "What the eff is this cop doing?" The 3 of us thought that someone stole the cop car and was driving drunk and/or on drugs. Turns out it was to slow down traffic and space out the amount of cars arriving to the scene of a new accident (which, incidentally, was a nasty one involving several motorcycles). It was really weird though, and I think the story of the car being stolen is much more interesting.

I had an interesting therapy session last night which involved my grief and lack of dealing with it. I mentioned to my counselor that when I was little, I loved my art class and used oil pastels all the time. I even won a few school district competitions (one picture I remember was a haunted house on a hill, the sky was green, and half of it was black - that was the hill - I thought the whole thing was gross and I couldn't understand why everyone was making such a big deal out of it). My counselor suggested that I start painting again, as a way to deal with my emotions so they aren't coming out at unexpected times, like at home in the middle of dinner or at work while in the middle of, well, work. It would also be, I think, a wonderful and emotional connection to Mom's memory as she was an artist herself. So, with the birthday money I'm told I'm getting, I plan on buying some new art supplies and starting to create once again. I've been asked by my counselor to bring a sketchbook and the pastels to our next session to use as an outlet while we're talking.

I'm afraid that this will crack my "emotional dam" even further and the flood gates will open and I'll be an emotional mess and not be able to bring myself back to center. I feel like I'm on the cusp of something very emotional and challenging, and also being on the cusp of being a grown, adult woman. It's very confusing and I just want to get there, without all the work. I'm tired of living sometimes, but I know there is so much joy to be had, and I want to experience without all of the sadness and anger. So this journey is a necessity, and hopefully (sooner rather than later) I'll be able to look back and say that I am better for it.

Less Sleep

I am not liking the street noises at night. I miss our old room, the quiet parking lot, and hearing the birds in the morning. Now all I hear are cars, buses, motorcycles, sirens, and helicopters. I haven't been sleeping well (if I do at all) these last 2 nights. It's to the point where I may be leaving work slightly early today just so I can get a nap in. We'll see if that happens. Fridays are my busiest days here and it's pay day for the candidates. I'm going to try to leave after the checks are mailed. Again, we'll see.

Something funny happened the other day. I'm only used to 1 bedroom, so when I was looking for something I was getting increasingly frustrated because I couldn't find it. Then I remembered that we have another room now and it could be in there...and it was! How funny. It didn't even occur to me to check the 2nd bedroom, and that's why we moved in the first place.

This weekend I plan on sleeping and also getting together with Michelle and Sharon, friends from Alaska. I've not seen them since they flew in earlier this week, so I'm hoping to get some quality time with them before work again on Monday. I think the plan for Sunday is Knott's Soak City but I'm not sure.

More space!

Matt called just a little while ago and we're all moved in! Of course, I take no credit. Matt and his friends did all the work on a hot Wednesday morning/afternoon. I can't wait to see how our new place looks and cook in my new kitchen!

And apparently, PJ and Quinn are completely freaked out, hiding under the bed and as close to the wall as possible.

My honey rocks. :)

Moving on up

We move to the 4th floor tomorrow. We're feeling a little nostalgic about leaving this little apartment. It was our first place here in a new city, where we knew no one but each other. It was our place when Matt was in school, when I was out of work, when we were both grieving over significant losses this past year. And now that we're leaving, we're looking back at all the progress we have made. We've come so far with new jobs, new friends, and a new start in our new place.

(Just an FYI, the cable guy can't come until Monday, so we'll be without internet and cable until then.)

(Had a nice chat with Jenny the other day. Thanks for all your advice and insights, it was great to hear your voice and Patrick's too.)

Working over lunch

I can't stand not leaving the office for my lunch break. That precious hour is my break to get away from the office, from the phones, from people demanding my time. My lunch break is my own time, but unfortunately today I do not get that time to myself. Instead, I've ordered in Thai Food from a highly reccomended restaurant. I think it would taste better outside the office. I can't leave today though. I did not drive and Nicole, my usual lunch buddy, has to stay in. I guess she'll be staying in a lot more so I will have to figure out something else for the days I don't drive.

This weekend Aunt Gwen and cousin-in-law Brenda are flying in for a quick visit. I'm excited to see them but they couldn't have come at a busier time. Friday is a big day at work with our CEO paying a visit along with our 2 Area VP's. Saturday and Sunday are planned for packing as we move next week into our new apartment (with an extra room). Matt understands that I'll need to spend some time with them showing them around, but originally we weren't planning on moving while they were here. In fact, we were planning on having moved already by this point. It's a long story that I don't want to get into right now! Add into this that poor Matt has to have his thesis done by Friday. We're both pretty stressed out.

Still haven't finished Book 7 yet. But the count of falling bodies is steadily climbing. It's quite emotional and very well written. I'm taking my sweet time, because I don't want to miss a word on these pages.

Goodbye, Harry Potter...

NO SPOILERS!! I haven't read the final installment...I'm still on book 5. Need to read book 6 before the final book 7. I saw the movie last night and I really liked how they kept it dark. I liked that they kept it as a transitional film, where Harry is at that awkward phase of turning from a tween to a young adult. I've avoided spoiler articles and reviews of the book, I don't want to know anything.

My job is going well. My life is quite simple now - I go to work and come home! I'm pretty exhausted at the end of the day and have just enough energy to cook. I need to start going to bed at a decent hour so that I can get enough sleep. But I really like what I do and now that the wicked witch has left, big changes are happening and I am ready to move with them.

Matt is doing well too. Busy with all kinds of projects, of course, and ready to be done with school. Still no word from the SciFi Network, and we're starting to get anxious!

A regular night out in the neighborhood

Go figure. The random Monday night we are both craving Taiyo (just down the street) at 7:30 at night, we walk down and who do we see?

The lovely...

...Minnie Driver! Sitting at La Poubelle in a very passionate conversation with her friend.

On the way back we stopped at an organic juice bar for some browsing and who did we see? I actually saw him walking down the street and gasped...Matt was totally horrified at my lack of restraint...

...Bobby Lee from MAD TV! We actually got to chat with him a little bit about travels to Europe and he was really nice, a very cool person.

All in all a fun night out with good food and fun people. We feel like tourists with all this celebrity spotting!

I'm a dork, but I'm a cute dork!

Oh ok, fine, I admit it, I've joined my first D&D campaign. And you know what? I really enjoy it. There are many things happening that I didn't associate with role playing:

1. I'm not up all night. Sessions are only 3 or 4 hours long once a week with good friends.
2. Healthy snacks from now on. No more chips and dip, or $30 worth of cookies from the bakery!
3. Dinner that I don't have to cook. Since we meet at Don and Cindy's place, Cindy cooks and I assist.
4. Extra time with my hubby!

I have fought playing for a long time. I'm not sure why, but it's very fun to see how cute Matt is when he talks to me about role playing. He's thrilled that I've taken an interest in something he's been passionate about for so long, which makes it totally worthwhile. :)

The only downfalls are that Matt picks me up right from work so I don't get to go home until late at night (around 11pm which means a very long day for me), and I'm totally exhausted on Fridays, which are my busiest days. But hey, it's just a few hours until the weekend begins so it's not that bad. The math is the other thing that bugs me. It's just going to take me awhile to get used to what to apply to and when....there's a lot more to RP'ing than I thought!

Cindy best describes on her blog what the session was like last night. It was a longer session than I anticipated, but it certainly was an adventure!

I'm really excited about this gaming group. For the first time in a while ... actually maybe for the first time ever ... I think we have a group that is more intellectually strategic than battle heavy. In our group of 5 players, we have an elf cleric (divine magic/healer), a half-elf favoured soul (divine magic/healer #2), a half-elf rogue (sneaky and stealthy but quite squishy), a half-drow sorcerer/warrior (magic user with big nasty axe), and a Warforged Knight (Damage dealer but too honorable to play dirty). I think it will be interesting trying to solve our challenges creatively rather than just running in with our swords and killing everything in sight. On the other hand, we did almost have a total party wipe out last night from just two mangy rats. True, they weren't just any rats, they were horrid rats, but still how embarrassing would it have been if we were taken out by a couple of rodents before we had even accomplished our first mission. Last night we achieved our first objective, scored big on lots treasure, and several of us leveled as well. Leveling is exciting when you are playing a magic user because you get to cast more spells per day!

Fun with Fish

I made these last night for dinner during one of those hot, humid evenings. So so yummy! Matt inisted I make them again, and soon. :)

Fish Tacos (from Better Homes and Gardens)

1 pound fresh or frozen skinless cod, orange roughy, or other fish fillets
2 tablespoons butter or margerine, melted
1/4 teaspoon ground cumin
1/8 teaspoon garlic powder
3 tablespoons mayonaise or salad dressing
1 teaspoon lime juice (we were out of limes so I used a lemon and it still tasted good)
1 1/2 cups packaged shredded cabbage with carrot (coleslaw mix) or shredded cabbage
8 corn taco shells, warm according to package directions
1 recipe mango salsa (I just bought premade salsa at the store)

1. Thaw fish if frozen. Rinse fish and pat dry with paper towels. Cut fish crosswise into 3/4" slices. Place fish in single layer in greased shallow baking pan. Combine butter, cumin, and garlic powder. Brush over fish. Bake in a 450 degree oven for 4-6 minutes or until fish flakes easily when tested with a fork.

2. Meanwhile, in a medium bowl, stir together mayonaise and lime juice. Add cabbage; toss to coat. Spoon some of the coleslaw mixture into each taco shell; add fish slices. Top with mango salsa.

Start to Finish: 20 minutes
Makes: 4 servings

A note to those who are unemployed or seeking a new job:

1. Please please PLEASE dress appropriately. Khaki shorts, messy hair, and flip flops don't make a good impression.

2. Show up for the interview! Or if you can't make it, call and let us know why. We can always reschedule. But not calling or showing up will severely impact our decision on whether or not we will place you.

3. Don't give the front office person an attitude. She/he will refer everything to your recruiter.

4. Don't be late and then ask "How long will all of this take? Because I have my mom waiting in the car..."

5. Reading your recruiter's future during the interview? Probably not the best idea.

Yes, all of these things have happened. And more. I just wish I could remember all of them.

Living in L.A.

Sometimes it amazes me that we live here, in a place where it's normal to have 90+ degree days in June, to be sweating in your sleep because you can't cool down, and that you'll suffer through the heat in order to avoid a massive electric bill from the air conditioning.

I sometimes love driving down Hollywood and Sunset Boulevards, with their beautiful palm trees against the brilliant blue sky. It really is a lovely sight.

Can't think of a title

But I know we've been busy. So here's what we've been up to.

Matt's pitch at SciFi went really well! They want to see a series bible and the pilot script which is excellent news. We're keeping our fingers crossed, hoping that this continues to grow. He's unfortunately not been able to get much work done as my sister has been in town this last week, and dad flew in on Friday. Katie's visit has been a good one. Lots of talks, lots of "explaining what it means to be a grown up" and things like that. But we've had fun too. Went to Santa Monica, dinners out, and reading Harry Potter. My job has kept me busy and tired, but I really like what I do, it comes with responsibility I've not had before which I have so desperately needed. What I have to adjust to is that this is a global corporation and our headquarters are in New Jersey - everything must go through them. I've only worked for small, independent companies before so it's taking a bit of getting used to.

Tonight it's dinner with Don and Cindy and tomorrow the family leaves. I'll be sorry to see them go, but we also need to get packing to move into our new place, and we can't do that with extra bodies here!

Summer is definitely here

Days are longer, food tastes better, the weather is warmer, and my allergies are kicking in. We were at The Grove today, had lunch and in the middle of shopping I just started sneezing like a mad-woman. We were going to see Shrek 3 but I couldn't get past the idea of just wanting to go straight home and sleep. Which is what I did. Came home and took a benadryl and slept for 5 hours. I just got up. I don't know how or when I'll go to sleep tonight!

Katie is doing well. Poor thing is so tired. Her last day of school was Thursday. I remember when school was done and all I wanted to do was sleep. Kind of like Jenny and Kevin, only they have a reason for needing sleep! There is the sweetest picture on their blog of Kevin and Patrick. You have to check it out.

We're moving!

So the story goes...

After graduation, Matt and I suddenly discovered we needed more space. He's writing much more, has many projects going on and needs quiet place to work besides the kitchen table. And I decided I'd like to have the table to eat at rather than dine over tv trays. So after a week of phone calls, we have accepted a price and are moving to a 2 bedroom apartment on the 4th floor of our building! :) We will make the move sometime next month. We should be able to move our current deposit to the new place, but we'll probably have to pay for parking which is a bummer. :( It will be an easy move, thankfully. No moving trucks, no boxes, or very few boxes. We are very excited!

I'm just not trying to think about the fact that we are paying twice as much for our new 2bd as our old one back in Washington...ugh...

Welcome home, Patrick!

Patrick Michael, born June 19, 2007 at 2:12am. Mom, Dad, and baby are doing great. Read more here! Pictures are courtesy of Lena who made a visit just the other day with her daughter, Hailey.

Clothes Shopping

When I was a teenager you couldn't drag me from the mall. I loved going shopping and seeing all the people. I loved spending money...mostly because it wasn't mine. Now days, it's hard for me to get motivated. But with a new office job and a worn out wardrobe, it was time...for the Sherman Oaks Mall.

Cindy and I braced ourselves yesterday afternoon as we walked into Macy's. The Sherman Oaks Mall is actually quite large and hidden. We wandered into a few over priced shops where a funny situation happened. Cindy noticed a cute sweatshirt hanging on a rack she couldn't reach (we're both vertically challenged) so the sales lady came over and said "You know, this is salvage." We both said oh, okay not realizing that "salvage" was the actual brand and the sweatshirt was over 200 dollars! HAH! We walked out and realized that we both thought that when she said "salvage" we thought resale. We got a kick out of that.

We had a great day shopping. We bought some nice summer clothes at Ann Taylor, we each got a pair of new shoes, and I got a new pair of sunglasses. On our way back to take Cindy home, we also stopped at Trader Joe's which is always fun. Thanks Cindy for a fun afternoon!

This weekend I had chores to do but I didn't do them. Tonight I had make-up chores but didn't do them. I'm way behind. Vaccuming needs to be done and the kitchen needs to be cleaned. And before you know it, Katie will be here...

In exciting news, Matt is pitching a show next week at NBC Universal at the Sci-Fi channel!!! How exciting is this? Less than 3 weeks out of school and already he's got a major meeting. I am so delighted and proud of him!

In the words of Rachael Ray...

Yumo! These burgers are so so declicious. I made them last week and they were a big hit with my guy.

Turkey burgers with grated zucchini and carrot
(From Real Simple Magazine)

3/4 pound ground turkey
1 medium zucchini, grated
1 medium carrot, grated
2 cloves garlic, finely chopped
3/4 teaspoon dried thyme
3/4 teaspoon kosher salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1 large egg
3 tablespoons olive oil
4 slices crusty bread
4 small leaves Boston lettuce
4 tablespoons mayonaise (optional)
2 teaspoons fresh lemon juice (optional)

Heat broiler. In a large bowl, combine the turkey, zucchini, carrot, garlic, thyme, salt, pepper, and egg. Form the mixture into 4 patties. Heat 1 tablespoon of the oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Cook the patties, turning once, until no trace of pink remains, 4-5 minutes per side. Meanwhile, place the bread on a baking sheet and brush with the remaining oil. Broil until golden and crisp, about 1 1/2 minutes. Transfer the bread to individual plates. Top with the lettuce leaves and burgers. If using, combine the mayonaise and lemon juice in a small bowl and serve with the burgers.

For extra zest, rub the bread with the cut side of a peeled, halved garlic clove immediately after removing the bread from the oven.

Feeling ill

I suppose it was silly of me to think that I wouldn't catch Matt's cold. He got sick after all the family left and the stress died down. He was pretty sick for about 3 days and I woke up yesterday with a tingle in my throat and all sneezy. Thank goodness for airborne. But last night I came home, fixed dinner, and then went to bed at 7. I couldn't keep my eyes open. Naturally, I woke up at 4am. More airborne, maybe some chicken soup for breakfast, and then before work I'll stop by Walgreens to get some more airborne so I can work today. Maybe even go home early.

On Tuesday evening, we headed over to Don and Cindy's which was great fun. They have a wonderful home out in Sherman Oaks. So much character! I especially love how the only way that you can get into the DG office is through the second bedroom. They seem really happy with their new jobs and new home. Cindy, is, as ever, a fantastic cook and Don is fabulous griller. She marinated some steaks and cut up some fresh veggies, and Don took them to the grill. Yummy! Rian was also there with another guy (and his name escapes me now), they brough wonderful sausages from the Farmer's Market. It was a perfect night for sitting around outside, eating our yumtastic dinner and drinking a few beers.

Saturday Mary and I (if I'm better) go out for an early morning hike in Pasadena. I've been told to wear clam diggers and water proof shoes as we cross a stream several times. She said most of it is flat (thank goodness because I have no stamina) and it's absolutely beautiful. I'm really looking forward to it.

Next Saturday evening, Katie arrives for an 8 day stay. We're looking forward to seeing her and having her here. I know that Matt will be in classes a few days a week so I've asked for some time off to get home early so she's not by herself all day long. I suppose this seems like bad timing to get a new job, but I really like what I do (so far) so it's best to just be adult about everything and get through these busy times. I do know that Katie wants to check out a few colleges in the area which will be fun, and she wants to go to the beach. It's also her vacation, so I don't know how busy we'll be when she's here.

Graduation Pictures

AFI Faculty

Getting ready...

Our graduate!

Guess who showed up at graduation?

He's done! (well, almost)

Matthew graduated today! It was a very entertaining ceremony with wonderful, charismatic speeches and a fabulous surprise arrival by an A list celebrity. We had so much fun with our family and friends.

Details to come. I'm exhausted.

He's not officially done, though >:( Summer classes have officially started and he won't get his diploma until September...but he's ALMOST done! I'm very excited to have my husband back (almost)!

It's official!

I'm working at Ajilon Finance/Office at the Burbank Office. We place candidates in the office (administrative) and financial (accountants) sectors. I really like my co-workers. They are so much fun and even have "dance-offs" every few days to boost morale and keep the energy going. The best part is that I feel like I'm working with these people, not for them. And even though it's a global company, it feels small. There is so much resposibility, which is very exciting. And there's several things I don't know yet, which I will have to be trained on next week. I put in a 12 hour day yesterday just so I could learn everything I could from the previous woman who's last day was yesterday. I'm excited but nervous about Monday. I'm sure I'll be ok. It'll just take me a little time to get used to all the paperwork I'll be pushing around.

Today I'm off to Runyon Canyon with Chandra and her dog, Capone. Then I get my haircut. Afterwards, I'll head home to get Matt and we'll be off to Sherman Oaks to help Don and Cindy unpack. I can't wait to see their new place!

Tomorrow much cleaning will be had. Matt's parents arrive Tuesday evening for graduation, and my Dad arrives Tuesday afternoon. I don't want this place looking like it does now...piles everywhere...