Chin up

I have another interview on Thursday so here's hoping something works out.

It's interesting working reception at a company like FX. Some people treat you wonderfully and say hello and look at you. Others don't give you the time of day and seem to walk on airs. The "important" people, I don't mind. But the assistants? Come on, man. There is a guy who walks around here, literally, with his nose in the air. I understand that he's in his own head and trying to cover his butt. But really, come on. Get your head out of your ass and treat the gal who's the first face your clients see with some respect. Can you tell there's no way in hell I'd ever want to work this job? I can see why they have a high turn over rate.

I have, however, been getting quite a few compliments on my work here, which is calling people when packages and visitors arrive. I met the receptionist here a few weeks ago when I temped for a mass mailing project. I asked her for some more envelopes and she turned around, bent over, and HELLO!!! Thong! Yuck. Ew. So inappropriate (in my opinion). One woman here even remarked how I obviously like to stay "covered." Heck yeah. My underwear is my own business. No one else's!

Looking up

Two interviews! One tomorrow with another agency and Wednesday with a real estate financial firm. It's amazing how just one response is a huge confidence boost.

No more applications today. I've sent out 12 and gotten one response. That's how competitive it is out there.

More good news though! Matt has signed a contract for writing work and will get paid in installments as he completes the work. Very exciting!

Brain is full

I've applied to several jobs in the past few hours - about 5 - I think. I'm overwhelmed and done with editing my resume and salary history, telling people why they should hire me. No word yet from the manager here at FOX - she barely spoke to me this morning. She's probably just busy. I'll catch her later this afternoon when she's not trying to get caught up from weekend emails and phone calls.

This weekend was wonderfully relaxing and easy. I slept in, saw Spiderman 3 (which was ok, graphics were amazing), and ate chinese food.

Argh!

I didn't get the job in Encino. I don't understand why - they responded well to my interview and I thought I did so well. I'm feeling really shitty right now, like I did when I first started looking for work when I got here. Hopeless. Job searching is just utterly hopeless. Though I did hand off my resume to an Administrator here at FX. We'll see if anything comes of that, but at this point I'd say probably not.

Job #2 - Admissions

I guess they wanted me to come in and temp before they start the interview process, but it starts next week and I already am temping for the other agency. I hope I'm still up for the position - I sent an email to clarify.

Today or early next week I'm supposed to hear back from the job I really want (at the placement agency) as to whether or not I'll be asked in for a 3rd interview. Wish me luck! This job search stuff is aggravating. I applied for a few more this morning so we'll see what happens.

Bored now

Yesterday, today and for the next 7 weekedays I am working at FX and Fox Movie Channel at their reception desk. While it may sound exciting, it's not. All the important people have their own assistants which leaves me surfing the internet and checking my email every 5 minutes. Yes, it is a paycheck and today is going faster than yesterday. So, if you feel like emailing me, leaving a comment here or on myspace, it would really help these next few days.

Last night I had a great class. I'm working hard on my listening skills and focusing my energy on the task at hand rather than fidgeting and releasing energy through menial things, like slamming down a book or a loud sigh. This class is amazing, and I am always excited (and a little nervous) to see what Cliff has to say. I also thanked him for giving me scenes that are comical rather than serious drama. I needed to take a break from crying.

Which reminds me that mother's day is coming up...I could anticipate feeling like crap, feeling depressed, or something else. I think I just want to be busy on that Sunday and not even think about what it means. Of course, I will send flowers to her. And to Nancy. But I feel the need to move on. It's why I'm looking for work and trying to be more responsible. I'm a grown-up and need to start being one.

Maine Coon Kitty

So Quinn has been on this weight loss program for awhile and I took her to the vet last week. She gained 2 ounces...sigh...work with me here, girl! The vet is convinved that she is more than half Maine Coon, a breed of cat that can get well up to over 25 pounds! So I did some research and found some pictures. She is definitely part Maine Coon. The face and neck, the hair, very very similar. So at least that gives me reason to say that I'm doing my best to maintain her weight, but it's not my fault she keeps gaining! It's in her genes! :)

Goings On

Yesterday I had 2 job interviews! One was for a placement agency in Encino. They work with potential employees and private schools, trying to make a good match. This interview went really well and I'm expecting to hear back soon to go in for a 3rd interview. I'm so excited about this particular opportunity. It's a great fit and even though I would be taking the freeway, I'd be driving against traffic.

The other interview was for a private school in Beverly Hills, working in their admissions office. They are hiring through a temp agency so I had to interview with the agency first. Of course, I had to take a grammar test (which I didn't do so good - no surprise there) and a typing test (72 wpm). I don't remember much about the interview itself and by the end my brain was full. I had forgotten how exhausting interviews can be. I should here back (hopefully) today or tomorrow as to whether or not the school wants to meet with me.

On another note, I know I haven't posted in awhile and for you regular readers I'm sorry for that. I've been dealing with grief and anger, and while I know I could post everything about that here, well, I've been quite volatile and that's a side I don't often like to share (my poor husband and my poor therapist). Thanks for your patience and I promise to do a better job of keeping you updated!

Not much to say

I got home on Friday night, couldn't sleep, and Matt and I got into a bit of a spat. That was fun. Everything's worked out though, and I can tell you that this was my last multiple week trek away from my husband. We do not do well being apart for so long, and it makes it that much harder to live together in such a small space.

This weekend I was lazy and still haven't unpacked, though I did clean a little. I still haven't been sleeping well, maybe because this bed is my 4th in 1 week (I know, I just can't stop sleeping around). Matt is stressed with final projects and the last few weeks of classes coming up. Competitions, pitching projects, and all kinds of writing.

Oh, graduation is June 6, and supposedley Al Pacino will be there as the AFI lifetime achievement award winner. I'm so proud of Matt's upcoming graduation and that we get to be in the same vicinity as Al Pacino!

Keeping In Touch

I'm in Montana! And no wonder it's called "big sky country" - it really is huge here! It's raining and snowing, believe me when I tell you I'm freezing. But Mel keeps her apartment warm which is a blessing. Uncle Terry (Sharon's husband) passed his cold on to me (thanks alot!) so I've been sniffling, sneezing, and Mel has been a very gracious hostess with cold medicine and tea. Tonight spaghetti, garlic bread, and red wine is on the menu, followed by a movie and then nyquil! :)

I've made a resolution to keep in better touch, through emails and calls. After this summer I got tired of those and just preferred to talk in person. But I need to get back to where I was, even if it's just a little something. That is my promise to you.

Off to Spokaloo

Tomorrow I'm off to Spokane. My aunt and uncle's place doesn't have the best internet connection, so there may not be updates for awhile. Didn't want you to worry. :) When I get to Montana, since Mel is going to school, I'm sure I can find a computer to update everyone.

Have a great rest of the week and stay warm! It's freezing!

Adventures in the Pacific Northwest

Highlights include:

Spending a night in Aberdeen to visit Jeff and Tina and their two little girls. We stayed at a lovely bed and breakfast. Our room had just been remodeled and had a new king bed. Fabulous!

On our way back to Puyallup, we stopped and had lunch with Matt's grandparents which was great fun. We laughed and listened to stories. It was great to see them.

Today we went to Catherine's baptism and are now officially godparents! She is a delight and we plan on spoiling her rotten.

This last Friday, there was a last minute gathering of friends at the house where Don, Cindy, Emily and Matt live (who's house is it?). We got to see so many people that we would have otherwise missed so thank you to those who were able to come. We loved seeing you! (Jenny, you look wonderful!)

Matt leaves tomorrow afternoon, Paige is driving me back to Seattle, and I'll get some time with my Dad and Katie before I take off for Spokane on Wednesday. Then I'll be off to Montana next week for a few days before going back to Burbank. I can't believe I'm over halfway done with my "tour" but I am enjoying (almost) every minute of it.

So far

I've taken the dog for 3+ walks a day.

I've driven Katie around Seattle quite a bit, and had to think hard about how to get there (i.e. U of W) and how to get home. Yet Seattle seems smaller than L.A.

I've worked on the ongoing price list for a few days now. Almost done with the "f" section.

I've had a few nervous breakdowns, one panic attack, and many long talks with myself.

I got to see Brie downtown yesterday for a few hours. She gave me lots of pictures of Catherine. It was wonderful to catch up with her and to spend time with just her, though I can't wait to meet my god-daughter.

Today I get to see Stephanie/Paige. She's on her way here but turned the wrong way and is now somewhere in Fremont or Queen Anne. I'm not sure.

And Matt flies in tonight! SO excited to see him. I miss my sweetie. :(

Tomorrow is a relaxing day at home. I'm hoping to make a good dent in the price list. And help Katie put her clothes away. It's a tornado in there.

Cold Weather Wimp

I think I'm going to freeze. Looking at the weather report, the highs are in the 50's. And that's the temperature here in L.A. this morning. I'm cold already. I packed a sweater, fleece shirt, a jacket, and my rain coat is already in my closet in Seattle. I'll be taking that with me to Spokane and to Bozeman (Montana). It's snowing in Montana.

I don't know what I did with all my long sleeved shirts. I was scrounging when I was packing yesterday. I'll need to buy a pair of doc martens while I'm in town f0r snow-ridden Bozeman. My tennis shoes won't do the trick anymore. I'm officially a cold weather wimp.

It's a funny thing

When I choose to stay up at night with chocolate, water, and a glass of wine when I'm home alone and Matt's out of town, I choose to stay up late and watch movies to take my mind of things, so I can just exhaust myself and go straight to sleep. Funny thing is that all the movies and tv shows on tonight deal with mothers and children.

Figures.

And I'm not that upset, I'm not even crying. I can feel myself separating the movie from my emotions so that I can simply enjoy it. Is that healthy? I'm not sure. All I wanted to do was escape, and yet everything that came on, even most of the commercials, had some sort of mother reference.

Sometimes I let it in. Let it overwhelm me until I count to 20 or 30, however long I can stand it. Then I push it aside again. I just can't deal all at once. I know that's healthy. Right?

Pictures from Disneyland

Aunt Sharon and Sarah and dinner. Spaghetti is oh so yummy!

Jessica (r) and Sarah (l) getting their portrait done. Sarah was full of energy during the whole trip. She had a great time on Hollywood Tower of Terror, whereas I did not (see last post.)

In the New Orleans part of "the land" there was a parade going on, with singing and dancing. That's my cousin Jessica in the background, with b&w striped tank top and sunglasses. Trust me, she's having fun. She's just not a smiley kind of kid.

The ecstasy and aggravations of Disneyland/California Adventure

Aggravations:

1. Overpriced fried food. That's pretty much all they have. And bring your own water. It was $2.75 for 1 bottle.

2. Naptime at Disneyland. At about 1pm, all the little ones start screaming from being over stimulated and utter exhaustion. I can only imagine how the parents must feel as I stuffed my face due to being overly hungry with my over priced chicken (breaded, of course) sandwich.

3. Lines. My cousin Sarah is physically disabled, so she's in a wheelchair. At California Adventure, the line paths do not have stairs so we did not get to the rides as quickly as we did at Disneyland.

4. Heat vs. Cold. I'll take the heat. Yesterday it was freezing and we went through a white water ride at CA adventure. Brrrrrrr.

5. Hollywood Hotel - Tower of Terror. NEVER AGAIN. I'm glad I went, but NEVER AGAIN. Most frightening ride ever.

Ecstasies:

1. The look on the kids' faces as we went on rides and saw characters throughout the parks.

2. The little vinettes from High School Musical, A Bugs Life, Cars, etc. Very fun and cheap entertainment.

3. The rollercoasters! So worth the price. We went again and again and again and again...I'm surprised I have a voice today.

4. The apple croissants at the Paradise Pier Hotel. Yum. Perfect way to start the day. Along with a ride on Screamin California, the big twisty coaster at California Adventure.

5. Chip and Dale spitting into my cell phone while I was talking with Scott. Priceless.

Pictures to be posted soon.

What happened to spring?

Yesterday it was 88 degrees.

Today the forecast calls for 92. It's not even 10am and we already have the a/c on.

Last week it was in the 50's and 60's, even low 70's.

Can't Mother Nature make this an easier transition?

Yesterday Gina and I went to the 101 Cafe for breakfast. She had eggs, I had french toast, and we chatted and got all caught up. Then, because it was so hot but so lovely outside, we went for a drive around the park and in the hills, trying to think about how you'd fill all these rooms and how all the the houses that had greek statues in front were really just very silly.

She dropped me off at Vermont Street where I spent about 1/2 hour in the little neighborhood bookstore waiting for Mary (who had forgotten about the time change). She arrived, and we found a cute little french bistro for lunch, since the sushi restaurant we originally planned on was closed. It even had decent prices. We sat outside in the shade and talked away about her job, my lack of one, plans for kids, husbands, and the trip to Vegas this summer with our husbands plus Kurt and Emily (2 more writers from AFI). After lunch, we went to see Breach with Ryan Phillipe, Laura Linney, and Chris Cooper. Fabulous spy movie. Highly reccomend it.

I couldn't resist

Twiggy the water-skiing squirrel takes a lap around a 24-foot pool this afternoon at the Everett Boat Show in the Everett Events Center. Twiggy will be performing each day of the boat show, which runs from 10 a.m. to 8 p.m. Saturday and 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Sunday. Check the boat show site for more information.

Funny Girl

Matt's caption: "Wait, my godparents are WHO?"

Little Catherine, you are a funny girl and we can't wait to meet you!

Huh

I came home this afternoon to find a sock hanging off my neighbor's door handle. I wonder what that means.... (wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more!)

I stopped to listen, but it was unfortunately quiet.

Tidbits

Therapy has been going well. I adore my counselor, she is wonderful and supportive, just as a therapist should be. I love that Matt and I see different therapists at the same building at the same time, and then reconvine afterwards for date night. Because we're feeling open and relaxed, we have great conversations and are able to talk without being snippy and/or overly tired. Last night we went to a fabulous Italian reataurant where I had risotto with wild mushrooms and sausage, and a dry pinot grigio. Matt had chicken picatta and a beer. For dessert, the best tirimisu we've ever had. Melt in your mouth, and not too heavy on the rum.

These past few days I've been working at a company called Faction. They are a graphics company that do the posters, popcorn bags, mini posters, for movies, and big ones at that. Past projects include Toomraider, Four Brothers, Hitchhiker's Guide, Braveheart...all kinds of interesting films. And it's neat to see the process of what goes into making a poster, making the DVD boxes, and things. It's something, in terms of Hollywood and movies, that I have never really thought about. And great people work here. I have a great time. There's a part time position open, and even though I can't be here Monday or Tuesday, I'm hoping that they will ask me back next week after I get back.

Matt is doing well but creatively somewhat in the toilet. He's burned out and frustrated with several projects, and feeling disgruntled. He wants to go to the beach, so that's what we're doing this weekend. He's so excited and has no idea where we are going (and I'm not going to tell you until after we get back since he reads the blog). Just know that it's a beautiful hotel somewhere on the central California coast, in wine country, and we're both looking forward to having some time together, just us and no outside world stuff.

When I get home I'll post some pictures of our goddaughter, Catherine. Brie sent me some really charming ones. For being barely 1 month old, she's incredibly expressive!

Hollywood Party, 90210 style

Antwon Tanner

(we talked for about 20 minutes, he's really nice)

Matthew Lillard

I also saw Anthony Rapp from Rent which was exciting. Thursday night I went to a full on Hollywood Hills party, complete with a red carpet, security at the door, and the girls who stopped as at the door to see if we had the our names on the list. There were floating candles in the pool, free alchohol, poker tables galore, loud music, and rooms full of merchandise (i.e. the purse room, dress room, and shoe room), all of which you could get for free should you be recognizable. The biggest celeb I met was Joe Pantaliano, who's famous for being "Cypher" in The Matriz and "Francis Fratelli" in The Goonies. His role in Memento is also brilliant. His teeth are so white, I couldn't stop staring. He was nice, but busy, and had other, more interesting people to meet besides one little fan. All in all, it was a fun and interesting experience, but certainly not a lifestyle that I care to have.

A decision has been made!

I finally got to have a chat with one of the senior partners here. Due some mis-communications that happened yesterday, I was finally able to clear the air. She asked me if I was interested in staying, I said "No, my heart just isn't here." I told her I needed to be available for my family, which she understood. I also told her that I wouldn't be able to stay that long, that hiring me would just be delaying the inevitable of finding someone who wants to be here and has an interest in the law. She was nice and understood. She asked why I lived in L.A. and I told her that my husband goes to AFI, and that I knew one of her clients, so we had a nice little chat.

It feels good to have this weight lifted off my shoulders. This is only a temp job and I can stop freaking out (Honestly, I shouldn't have been freaking out in the first place.) This has come to a close, and hopefully at this time next week, someone else will be sitting at this desk.

Thanks, Jenny, for picking up last night, and listening to me whine.

Heavy duty clientele

Including...

Joe Pantaliano

Kelsey Grammer (Happy Birthday!)

Christian Slater

John Landis

I may be going to a screening of What Love Is, possibly the premiere, I'm not sure. And there's some sort of VIP pre-Oscar goodie bag shindig that the ladies from the office have been invited to.

Maybe this job doesn't suck as much as I thought it would. But I'm still finding people for interviews and trying to find someone who wants to be here, who could do a good job. I could use this place for it's contacts, but you all know me and my over active conscience. I couldn't do that. I'd rather find someone who wants to be here and could turn this place around...

I know what y'all are thinking...what is this woman's problem with taking a job with all of these perks and talking to fabulous celebrities? When I come up with an answer, I'll post it.

It's sunny outside, and where am I?

I am inside. To those of you who don't have sunny weather everyday, this may seem like a tragedy. It's a balmy 70 degrees with nice breeze coming through. The birds are singing, the sky is blue, and all seems right with the world. Except my allergies. That is not fun. Not at all. So I am inside, drinking water and trying to not take my allergy meds (ever since Mom passed I have this thing about extra chemicals coursing through my blood), but will probably take benadryl tonight so that I can sleep better.

Last week was fairly busy. I landed a temp job at an estate planning/entertainment law firm. They haven't had a receptionist for over a year, so in place of that the office manager (and she doesn't want that title) has been filling in or they've called in a temp (which is about $24+ an hour). Apparently the temps that have come in aren't exactly with it (Kelly, at work, calls them lemons) but then I show up. Eager, willing, and needing the paycheck for our slowly growing but equally important savings account. The job is cake: answering phones, getting coffee, tea, mail, etc. I can do this job in my sleep. It's not challenging - I've finished 2 books in the last week - and the pay through the temp agency is awesome. But now Kelly is asking me several times a day if I can stay. I have told her "no" on numerous occasions, that this job is not what I'm looking for, and I'm taking off next month for 3 weeks. So finally she wore me down and I said I'd talk to Matt this weekend but I had already made up my mind.

First of all, the job itself pays $14/hr. This is not acceptable to me. I have been making that amount for way too long, so that amount would need to be increased, to at least $17 (but whoever heard of a receptionist that gets paid that amount?) Second, the commute. I can't even begin to say how much I hate that commute. 10 miles away = 1 hour in traffic. Third, I'm way over qualified to be getting coffee and tea for some lawyers who have assistants who could easily get it for them. And did I mention I have to go get someone's lunch? As if! I don't think so. I could easily do this part time, maybe 2 days a week. It would certainly give me the cash that I need in addition to working for my father that would give us some good money to put away. Oh, my decision. Part time. Not full time. No benefits required and $15/hr.

Matt and I have come to an understanding about this, and we finally see eye to eye why I can't do this job full time. I am looking for something challenging and something I can be proud of. The whole thing about getting coffee and tea just rubs me the wrong way. I mean, if I wanted to do that, I'd apply to work at Starbucks. Know what I mean?

V-day

I continuously here v-day tagged as a hallmark holiday, and I agree completely with that statement. Matt and I will barely see each other tomorrow as I have a temp job from 9:30-6:30, and then class form 7:30-10:30. He has class from 7-10. It will be hard enough to spend one of the most romantic days of the year with out him, with each of us pursuing work in one way or the other. But what makes it so much harder is that tomorrow is the 6 month anniversary of Mom's passing. I can't tell you how many times I have nearly burst into tears today, thinking about how 6 months ago today, she was still around. Sure, she was unable to eat, drink, talk, or move, but she was still physically here on this earth. Tomorrow is a huge reminder that she's still gone, that she's not coming back. I don't know why this is so hard for me to accept. Because she's my mom, yes, I know that. Because she was and is awesome, wonderful, supportive, caring, and a fabulous cook. One of my closest friends. Tomorrow is just going to suck, I can feel it. I'm already anticipating calling in ill tomorrow to work. I am already feeling a little unstable, but I'll see how I feel in the morning. In the meantime, I see foresee that haggan dazz ice cream bar in my freezer to be in my tummy by the day's end. And some tears.

History of Buffalo Wings

From my good friend Melanie in Indiana. True story, these words were said.

Setup: The other day we were talking about Westward Expansion - Indians and Buffalo and of course when you talk about Indians and Buffalo...what's the next thing you would talk about...(anyone want to guess...cowboys? NO Way!...Pioneers? Nope...Anyone else want to venture a guess? No one...okay) Of course the next thing you talk about is Buffalo wings! How we got on the subject I have no idea (but that is usual for this class)...and here is the conversation that occurred next (with one extremely embarassed girl.)

Girl in front row: "I thought buffalo wings were made out of buffalo meat."
(Class: Stunned silence)
Guy behind her: "yeah, you know those buffalo with wings - it's so annoying when they fly around"
(Class: some laughter)
Girl in front row: "I know buffalo's don't have wings, but I thought that's where they got their name from - because they used buffalo meat."
(Class: Lots of laughter)
Guy in back of class: "No, the guy who created the sauce that goes on the chicken wings was from Buffalo NY and that's why they're called Buffalo wings."
Girl in front row: "Oh...I really thought it was because they used buffalo meat."
(Class: still laughing)

Bye bye Anna...

I never liked her much, but it was still kind of a shock.

20's vs. 30's

What is it about being in your twenties that feels so young and fabulous, while also feeling overwhelmed and unstable? And why is it that the 30's look so much more comfortable, more stable, when everything seems to come together. Myself and my friends in the 20's, I don't know, feel frazzled and pressured to "find direction". When, it seems my friends in their 30's, seemed to have found direction and are more content. And why is it when you say that you're 20something, people seem to not respect you as much as when others say that their are 30? I work just as hard and I'm nearly thirty...but somehow being 29 doesn't have the same effect as being 30.

I can't wait to be 30. Seriously. I am done with my twenties. Bring me stability. Bring me direction. I'm ready.

When will I turn 30? August 10, 2008. 18 months. Bleah.

Ups and Downs

Up: I'm awake earlier than usual which means I can get a head start on the day.

Down: I will actually spend my day worrying about Matt's upcoming graduation, the day we got the last loan check, and about my job.

Up: I'm going to work out this morning.

Down: I'm depressed and don't want to. I feel like I'm a two year old. I just don't WANNA! :(

Up: I saw Mom in my dreams again last night and felt so happy.

Down: But in reality, I'm so sad.

Happy Superbowl Sunday

Matt: How was the store?

Me: Oh fine. I left just as it started getting really busy.

Matt: Did you get any goodies?

Me: Well, let's see. I got avacaodos to make guacamole, I got pico de gallo salsa, lime tortilla chips, potato chips, cheezits, hamburger fixins including those potato hamburger buns you like...and I think that's about it...oh and a can of organic spicy chilli.

Matt: Why are you spoiling me?

Me: I don't know, cause it's man day?

She's here!

Catherine Eleanor was born last night at 8:58pm. 8 pounds, 14 ounces, and 20 inches long. I am so proud of her parents and so excited to meet her in April. When I first heard the details, there were 2 thoughts that went through my head: "Oh my gosh, she's here, she's finally here!" and "Oh my god, OW!"

My little Ellie

My god-daughter, Catherine Eleanor, is arriving today. Her mom, my dear friend Brianna, went into labor last night and we just got a phone call that she should be arriving soon. We got a call from Dad, Stephen, who sounds completely exhuasted but so so excited and happy this morning. Matt and I can't wait to meet her!

Rambling

I'm trying somthing new. Through google email, I can actually type a document and publish it directly through my blog rather than logging into the blogger site. We'll see if it looks halfway decent and actually works. (It didn't.)

Last night was acting class and it went really well. I had a breakthrough. Even though I am a very emotional person I've been working very hard at staying in control, which has been detrimental to my acting. I just hold it all in and "act" my way through it which is something Cliff has been trying to get me to stop since I started class in November of 2005. Finally, last week, during taping, after a terrible first take, he asked me why I kept "acting" so frustrated and angry throughout the entire scene. I could only say "I just want....I mean, I...." and then burst into tears. Then the cameras rolled, and I had a breakthrough. It felt really good. I'm on the next step, finally something has clicked.

It's odd, grieving the loss of a parent. I mean, grieving is one thing. I have grieved grandparents, relatives I barely know, and colleagues of my parents. None of my friends have died, no children I know, no Aunts or Uncles. So to lose someone that I was so close to, it's the hardest thing I've ever done, to try and accept it. And last night Cliff started talking about death, and for the second time in a row, in class, I just burst into tears. I haven't been crying lately. I don't cry at home or even at therapy. For some reason, class is the place where it just comes out. And my eyes are puffy this morning, but I don't feel so sad right now. I'm sure that will come up again the week after next, when we start a whole new session.

One last thing - one of my favorite blogs is written by Molly. She has a way with words and even pictures that is refreshing and thoughtful. She lets us into her life with tidbits of info, and always making me wonder what she'll have to say next.

Going to my head

For those of you who haven't seen the haircut, I look like a pixie now. I cut it in September, much to my dismay, when I went in for a trim he cut it SHORT. Long story short, 5 months later and in 2007 it's finally where I want it. Cute, sassy, and pixie like. Matt loves it, family loves it, friends love it, it's going to my head. But I have to say, I love it too (finally).

scary

There is a man yelling in the apartment below, something about "I can't believe this!" and crying and screaming and moaning. It's kind of psychotic actually. I'm not sure if it's real or he's a talented actor, but it's really freaking me out.

A few strange things

1. I went to get my hair done yesterday, and stopped in at the coffee shop next door to get some lunch. The lady at the counter asked if it was to go or if I was going to eat in the shop. I said I was going to get my hair done, and she said I could go next door and she'd bring it over! I was kind of surprised, I mean, that wasn't necessary, and I told her so. Apparently it's normal between these two businesses. So I took my lunch over myself, totally amazed at the random hospitality she offered me.

2. Today I went to Fred 62 for lunch with Matt and the Editor of Gamers 2, and we were taken care of by a very sweet waitress. She had an eastern european accent that reminded us of a vampire, and Dan kept saying to us that he really wanted her to bite him in the neck. She was cute, but I thought that was a strange desire. To each his/her own, I guess.

History

It's so interesting to go back a few years and read old posts. How naive I was about that dreadful job at the temple of doom, how well mom was doing, how homesick I was when I first moved here. The strains and joys of the past few years. Sometimes I forget how capable I am, how capable my friends and family are, of amazing things. We are stronger than we think. And I'm a little happier now, at this moment, knowing that if I can get through all that previous stuff, then my life now isn't so bad.

Sleeeeepyyyyyyyy

Tell me who is more exhausted. I'm taking a poll. I vote for the human. He just got back from the mall with his wife and spent hours shopping among crowds and screaming kids (we picked the wrong time to go on a Saturday - it was naptime).

I'm a officially a grown up

I'm so grown up now. Why, you ask? Because I'm excited about the new vaccum cleaner I got for Christmas. It's not just any vaccum cleaner. It's a robot. A roomba to be exact. And I love it. I'm vaccuming 2x a week now. All I do is push a button and off it goes. :D

Better

After 6 days of coughing, sneezing, and other fun things that come with being sick with a nasty cold, I'm finally better. So I went to boot camp yesterday morning and was so exhuasted I took a 3 hour nap and then slept 10 hours last night. And I'm still tired. Did I over do it? Maybe. My legs are like lead - I can barely move, but I'll get back into the swing of things, and before I know it I'll be able to run a marathon, or at least around the track once before stopping to walk and pant like a dog. I'm so out of shape. It's pathetic.

In my hometown of Seattle, it's been snowing like crazy. I don't know if ya'll have heard (and that y'all is thanks to Mary, my friend from Texas. She's had an influence on me) but it's been snowing like mad. Lows of 20 or lower and the highs are only in the 30s. Now before those of you from the midwest say "oh, you are such wimps, it's only snow!", consider that Seattle is a very hilly city and dangerous to drive when icy. Schools shut down only after a few inches, people stay home from work, it's crazy. But when you're a kid, what better way to spend a snow day than my sister did - going up to Whistler to snowboard.

And a very happy belated birthday to Jenny. I hope it was happy!

Second Round

I'm sick, again, this time with laryngitis. It really hit me yesterday, go figure that yesterday was also my first day of acting class and I had a yelling scene. Don't worry, I can still talk. My voice is just raspy and a little sexy. Hehe.

I have been thinking about Mom quite a bit these days. About motherhood in general and how I'm feeling about my friends who are moms and who are pregnant. And while I am so happy for them, there's a tiny bit of jealousy (sometimes not so tiny) that their kids get their moms, that they get to be the Mom and nurture their children. Granted, I take the 2 year old thought sometimes in thinking "It's not fair!" but all of the Moms that I know are good moms, so in the long run, I'm not so jealous. But if I don't respond and oogle over your adventures as motherhood, it's just because I'm missing being mothered by my mom.

Playing hostess

Stephanie/Paige is in town until Tuesday which is why I haven't written in awhile. She arrived last Wednesday and we took off for Santa Barbara wine country for 2 days, went to a wedding reception, and spent today in Venice Beach. Tomorrow is the fashion district downtown, and Tuesday night she leaves. :( We'll definitely go to Rodeo drive, maybe even Malibu.

I'll write more details after she leaves. Right now I just want to enjoy her being here. We're having a great time.

Resolutions

Okay, thanks to Jenny, I now feel the need to post my new years resolutions because maybe that way I'll accomplish at least one or two of them.

1. Exercise three times a week (which is going to happen when bootcamp starts next Monday);

2. Eat less sugar, more protein and fresh veggies/fruits. Only one junk food day allowed.

3. Eat out only once a week, or not at all;

4. More date nights with hubby;

5. Keep in better touch with family and friends;

6. Pick my battles;

7. READ books, not just skim through in order to get a vague idea;

8. Get books from the libary. I can't afford them and my bookshelf is full. I don't have room in this apartment for another one;

9. I'm a grown up. Need to be asleep at this time. Go to bed earlier. Preferably before midnight.

I think that should do it. Wish me luck!

Ugh

I have been sick for 3 days so that's why I haven't written anything. First day was feel like poo day, yesterday was cough and sneeze day, today is blow my nose day. I've slept a total of 22 hours in 2 days. I think it was that nasty cold weather in Seattle and the fact that we were both run ragged during our visit. Not that we didn't enjoy seeing everyone, but we didn't really get a chance to rest.

Tonight we are not going out. We'll let everyone else go out and get drunk for us. We have a nice bottle of wine chilling in the fridge (which will taste better than nyquil and still do the trick) and will watch the ball drop on t.v. Aren't we exciting?

Holiday (not so much)

1. Every minute of my time is spoken for. I love seeing everyone, and spending quality time, but ever since we arrived last Friday I haven't had a moment to myself and now I'm starting to get cranky and pissy, and for those of you who I will be seeing in the next few days, I apologize in advance. :)

2. Of course, this holiday sucks without mom. She is the peacemaker and without her everyone seems to be on edge. It's just not the same. I think if she was here I wouldn't have had a wonderful and fun dinner with Julia and Dustin (Matt's sister and her boyfriend) at Peking restaurant in Puyallup, one of the few times I've felt free during this vacation.

3. No Christmas tree, no milk and cookies, had to hang the stockings myself, on Christmas this year. It was so different the past holidays weren't even comparable.

Sorry to complain, but I need everyone to understand where I'm at and where I'm coming from. In some ways, in many ways actually, I can't wait to go HOME to L.A. Where it's just Matt and me, and our kitties, and our life together.

Party Girl

Such a cute little hussy!

1 week

And we're off to the Northwest. I can't believe time has passed so quickly. Matt is currently finishing a draft that he's been working on all semester, and tomorro is his last day of school for 3 weeks. Sometimes I forget how hard he is working, and how many risks he's taking by wanting to be a writer for the rest of his life. He's so brave to want to turn his art into a career. That's something I could never do. Just give me community theater and I'm a happy camper.

A good friend of ours is in town and will be staying with us for a few days. And look for pictures in the next few days from last Saturday night, a dinner party where we played Quelf, and all hell broke loose...

From Jenny

Year of life

Brie is due at the end of January! It's a girl, but for privacy's sake I won't mention the name they have selected. Have to keep some things a surprise.

And to add on to the exciting news, another one of my dearest friends is due in June. She and her husband are very excited to welcome their parakeet in 2007. :)

Hopefully another friend or 2 will be due next year as well. You know who you are, and have fun trying!

Congratulations to Jenny and Brie. I am so happy for you!

Scrooge

This is normally my favorite time of year. However, because of reasons that I'm sure I don't have to mention, I am anti-holiday this year. I want nothing to do with trees, decorations, christmas carols, commercials...bah humbug! It's a constant reminder of what I will be missing this year, never mind the fact that tv stations are constantly running advertisement for breast cancer research and/or foundations. :P Again, it didn't work for my family, I've lost my mother, so please have some sensitivity and stop bothering me! So I just switch the channel or turn off the radio/tv all together. I've pretty much stopped watching tv at this point. Thank goodness for TiVo recording America's Next Top Model last night. Not only did I get to fast forward through the commercials :P but Caridee beat that snotty Melrose.

Dream dream dream

I had the best and worst dream last night. I am filled with regret and home, sadness and happiness, and yet I'm so ready to burst into tears right here and now. Matt says it's a wish fulfillment dream, showing me what I really want.

I dreamed that Mom was alive and well, that she had woken up during some sort of service, but no one cared to call me. I found out when I flew home for Christmas. I even said to someone, "Am I dreaming?" and Mom said "No, why?" to which Katie responded "I'll tell you later." I even said that someone should pinch me to make sure I wasn't dreaming, and they did and it hurt, but I didn't wake up.

I'm now filled with this sense of false hope and incredible sadness that when I go home she'll be there. And she won't. And now that the tears are falling, I need to go get some kleenex.

So sleepy

I'm exhausted. It's why I haven't been writing much. Today I'm forcing myself to stay awake because I need to sleep well tonight. I am getting up very early tomorrow morning to go support Amanda at her karate test at 8am. She's trying to get her orange belt. I hope she gets it. I know she's been working hard. So I'm hoping to sleep well and go to bed early. Since I start bootcamp on Monday, I need to start going to bed early anyway. I'll be going 3x a week next week and the week after, and then the next week I'll go 4x. Hopefully I'll be in some sort of better shape by the time the holidays roll around.

Mopey

Shouldn't that be one of the dwarves names from Snow White?

I'm not feeling very perky today. I am missing mom terribly with the holidays approaching. The way she was planning shopping trips, decorating the house, family get togethers. I know christmas is not going to be the same with out her at all, and I know that means it's time to make some new memories. Of course, I'd rather just have her back in my life, but that's a wish that won't come true. So now I am just waiting and slightly dreading going home. Part of me wants to stay here in my own reality, dealing with my own depression and troubles. But now I'm one of the grown ups and it's my job to help out those who need it. I am the oldest daughter and big sister.

We had a wonderful vacation. Much wine was drunk and bought, and much money was spent, and we now have a closet full of wine. We are not allowed to buy any more until we can clear some space. Who wants to come over and help us drink it? That's all I need. Another depressant.

Heat wave

I know, I know. You feel so bad for me because it's almost 90 today and I'm melting. Most of the rest of the country is freezing, and here I am, able to get a tan just by going for my regular Monday walk with Mary on the Venice Beach Boardwalk. But let me tell you, I would welcome a cold snap after weeks of this heat. We have our a/c on almost all the time. Oddly enough, I'm really looking forward to the Seattle weather of rain and cold just so I can cool down.

Quickies

Instead of getting the rest of the mole removed, I just got my stitches out. In about 2 more days I can remove the bandage and will go back to get the rest of it removed in January.

GenCon SoCal was fun but small. Saw Gamers 2 twice and laughed very hard. We will be bringing up a copy during our holiday visit so we can share it. It's the best work they've done so far, and I'm really proud of them, especially Matt.

Thursday is Thanksgiving and we're heading to Venice Beach for a potluck.

Friday we take off for Paso Robles, San Luis Obispo, and Nipomo...also know as wine country! Can't wait. We've needed time together for so long, just us...no distractions. We're celebrating my birthday, his birthday, and our anniversary.

And I have a furry fluffy kitty laying belly up on the kitchen floor...so cute. She's trying to stay cool in this weird SoCal weather. 80-90 degrees in November. What the heck!?

Gamers...

This week has just been full of gaming.

I hate to admit it, in a way, but I have found an online game that I just love and yes, it is gaming. For all of you that I have told "I can't stand gaming." I didn't know about Puzzle Pirates. Find out more about it here. I love it and it's a great escape from the world in my head when the world gets to be too much.

Matt has become addicted to World of Warcraft. I assume you all know what that is? He's researching for Gamers 3, becoming immersed in this world of quests and mythical creatures. He's only been playing a couple of weeks but I can tell you that I have felt like a Worldcraft Widow already.

Tomorrow we are off to GenCon SoCal in Anaheim and staying the night at a nice hotel. There are 2 screenings of Gamers 2 scheduled and we're hoping for a 3rd one on Saturday night. It should be fun, and I get to have some time with my husband which is very important.

Stiches

So that birthmark that I have near my left eye? Turns out it's a mole. A mole I have wanted to get rid of for the past year. For reasons that I will not share, I have finally started the process of getting it removed! Friday I went in for surgery and was totally fine afterward even with the anesthesia coursing through my veins. I was even able to take the subway home. This Friday I go in again to get the second part of it removed, and then I imagine I'll go back in another week to get the stiches out. It will be interesting not to have it on my face anymore. I can't remember a time when it wasn't there. As my friend Dawn said, "It will be a whole new you!"

My tailbone is feeling better but still sore. I take tylenol everyday. :)

Errands and travels

Today I have to drive my sore behind to LAX because I left my meds on the British Airways flight from London. Apparently British Airways "doesn't mail" so I have to drag myself on a potentially 2 hour trip (depending on traffic) for one measly bag of meds. Granted, it's an expensive measley bag, but still...the airline can't just stuff it in a bag and mail it? I tried to tell the woman that I'm injured and it's painful to drive and LAX is a long way away, but she just said "Well, I live much further from LAX than you. It's not that far." I wish I could have the ability to slap someone through the phone.

Next weekend is Gencon SoCal. I just found out. It will be first time for me to see Gamers 2 on the big screen which is very exciting. We've got a room for one night at a nice hotel with breakfast included. I'm looking forward to seeing everyone again, and seeing the film. I will take pictures, don't worry.

Healing

I'm healing in 2 ways:

My tailbone isn't broken! The chiropractor says it should take another 10 days to heal. If it's not better by that time, then I have to get an internal adjustment. But at least it's not broken or fractured which is a huge relief.

I've been thinking about Mom quite a bit these last few weeks, just wishing she was around and how unfair it is that she's gone. The depression has sunk in and I'm fighting through it, at least I'm trying my best to.

Pain in the butt

I fell on the tour bus in Barcelona on Sunday and landed smack on my tailbone. The flight home was NOT fun, and I'm now in constant pain. After 2 visits to the chiropractor and some xrays, there is a chance that my tailbone could be fractured or even broken. OW. He is waiting to get the review from the xray technicians and will call me on Tuesday to let me know what's going on.

If it's broken or fractured, then I need to see an orthopedic doctor at Kaiser. If it's a subluxation, then I need to get an internal adjustment from a chiropractor in Burbank. Either way, it will hurt, but I'm sure some sort of major pain reliever will be involved. At least I hope so.

A pirate's life for me

My pirate name is:

Mad Dog Bonney

Part crazy, part mangy, all rabid, you're the pirate all the others fear might just snap soon. You can be a little bit unpredictable, but a pirate's life is far from full of certainties, so that fits in pretty well. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
part of the fidius.org network

Pictures from home

View from the front porch. On a clear day you can see the Cascade Mountains.

View from the back porch.

Dad and Johnny on the front porch.

The apple tree in Mom's garden. I had no idea what to do with so many apples, and I don't know that anything will happen to them. But if you need some organic apples, let me know and I can hook you up. :)

Front entrance to the house in Seattle. Sidelight was designed by Mom.

Aunt Muriel, myself, and Emily, who I have not seen in 12 years! It was a great reunion. And kudos to Auntie Mu, who graciously came up to Seattle for another two weeks to look after Katie while Dad was on a business trip.

Exhaustion

I've been up nearly 24 hours. Can't think clearly. Made it home safe, with all bags in tow. Happy to be home. Will eat dinner and go to bed.

Fell down some stairs on the tour bus in Barcelona outside La Familia temple (Goudi). Tailbone hurts like hell and have some pretty bad bruises on my arms. :P 11 hours on a plane from London to LA is not fun.

Barcelona

Oh my god, this place is stunning. I can't get over how different the parts of the city are. You have the new part, which was built when the city hosted the Olympics in '92, with wide streets and square blocks. Then the old part which has little streets that wind and turn before you can see where you are going! We are staying at a lovely hotel called AB Vildomat in the new part of the city, but we're going to walk or take the Metro to La Rambla, which is mainly a pedestrian area full of shops, restaurants, and street performers (much like the 3rd street promenade in Santa Monica).

This afternoon Rafael and Francisco drove us around Barcelona and we had a wonderful lunch at the port near the Olympic Village. I ate paella for the first time and it was divine. Then we drove by Gaudi La Familia cathedral, and there are no words to describe this massive place. I took some great pictures from the street and we get to go tour it tomorrow, along with other Gaudi architecture.

I am in love with this city so far. Very cosmopolitan, yet it feels like a small city.

France

So here we are in St. Etienne (sp) and it's a beautiful warm fall day. Soon we'll take off and explore the town, maybe find a cute french cafe and have lunch. Yesterday we arrived and went straight to the St. Just glass factory which was really interesting. It was a very long day, though, and when I arrived to my room I took out my contacts, changed into my pj's, and climbed into bed. A huge bed, at that, and slept until 8:15! It's really a clue to me that I'm getting older when I consider that 8:15 is "sleeping in".

Last night we went to Magali's house and had champagne, a bunch of french cheeses, salad from the garden, and lasagnae with mushrooms she had picked over the weekend. Lovely! We also met her husband, George, who is a very "french" man, but is charming and interesting and he and Magali get along so very well. They were fun to watch in the kitchen as they made dinner.

Tonight it's an early night because we have to be up at 4:30 in the morning. Our flight to Barcelona isn't until 8:30, but we are an hour from the Lyon airport. One of the girls at the factory, Celcilia, her father owns a cab company, so he has given us a discounted taxi rate to the airport and will take us himself. Should be interesting. He speaks spanish and french, and we speak only English...

I have clothes!

Baggage has been recovered! Came in about 1am, and was delievered to my door. I love this hotel. It's family owned, and you see the same people in the evening and in the morning...it's just wonderful. Charming courtyard that I can enjoy from the deck attached to my room. Everyone rides their bikes here or rides the tram or bus. It's a very environmental city. I love it here. I just wish the German language was a bit easier to understand.

Oh, and Lena, I met someone from Finland. He told me about all the snow in Scandanavia. Dang, girl! :)

Tomorrow is a long day at the conference complete with a dinner party at a hotel. Then we are up very early Thursday morning to make a 7:30am flight to Lyon.

Short and sweet

Real quick, I'm here, okay and hungry for dinner. Tami and I arrived safely yesterday without luggage. Argh! We missed our flight in London (thanks British Airways) and then the new airline lost our luggage (thanks Luftansa). So this morning it was off to a department store filled with lovely european clothes. And our baggage should arrive at the hotel tonight. Yay! I'll return a few items that I bought today, namely the blue sweater and black jacket. But the rest I will keep. The shirt and pants just fit way to well. :)

More later! Must let Tami use the computer now.

White and Nerdy

I love this new video from Weird Al. And keep an eye out for guest appearances by Donny Osmond and Seth Green.

Let's hear it for good taste

You Are Guinness

You know beer well, and you'll only drink the best beers in the world. Watered down beers disgust you, as do the people who drink them. When you drink, you tend to become a bit of a know it all - especially about subjects you don't know well. But your friends tolerate your drunken ways, because you introduce them to the best beers around.

What's Your Beer Personality?

New York Times, baby!

Gamers: Dorkness Rising was mentioned in the New York Times!!!!

Read the full article here.

The best that money can buy

For a whopping $13.00, I bought something that will endlessly entertain humans and cats alike.

A laser pointer.

Getting ready

I take off for Europe day after tomorrow. Here's what I'll be up to:

Saturday - depart Burbank for Seattle, then Seattle to London, then London to Dusseldorf (We get to Germany on Sunday). I get 1.5 days to play in Germany before the conference starts.

M/T/W - Conference with Tami, my lovely co-worker, and my Dad.

Thursday - Depart for Lyon, France

Th/F - In France, meeting with Saint Just glass company. They make hand-blown glass, and we get to hand pick the sheets we want in our next shipment, and maybe even a few hand-blown paperweights.

Saturday - Depart for Barcelona, Spain.

Su/M - In Spain, dip our feet in the Mediteranian, meet with Frandisa glass company. They make unusual but beautfiul architectural glass, well-suited for kitchen cabinets, entry ways, shower doors, etc.

Tuesday - Depart Barcelona for London, London to LAX.

Wednesday at 7:15am - I start fitness bootcamp! :)

I miss The Muppet Show

Thanks, Molly

Poor little kitty

I had to take Quinn to the vet today. She's been having some bowel issues, and the news wasn't exactly good. She has an serious infection in some of her rear-end glands, and a skin infection in that area. So today Quinny did not hav e a good day. She even got her butt hair shaved so it would be easier for us to see what's going on. Also, she has gingivitis, and the vet reccomended I start brushing her teeth every day, and also schedule an appointment to get her teeth cleaned (which, for cats, they have to be put under because it's painful - they go under the gum line). So $100 later, I finally was able to bring her home. We have medicine to give her for the next week, and I'm to take her back to the vet on Wednesday for a check up. Right now she doesn't trust me but I think she'll be okay.

Poor little thing. It's the worst thing when your pets are sick.

Better...

Today I worked out, and felt much better. I did tae-bo, with lots of punching and kicking. I pretended to kick Billy Blanks right in the face and somehow that helped. I also got some work done, but after 2 hours of staring at spreadsheets I've given myself a little break to get my eyes looking straight again.

Matt has been wonderful, as usual. Everytime I have one of my sudden crying fests, he's right there by my side, counseling me and making me laugh. I totally didn't feel like cooking last night so he went off his diet for me and we ordered yummy, greasy chinese food. Damn, it was good and exactly what I needed. Today we're going to The Grove to see the premiere (but at matniee pricing so we can save a few bucks) of Man of the Year with Robin Williams. I need to get out of my head and laugh at a comedian.

Bad day

So far it's not going well. I'm terribly depressed and was told that my anti-depressants wouldn't kick in for another 3 weeks. And I started working out today, which means my muscles are terribly sore.

I also had to make a visit to the doctor. I have a birthmark just below my left eye, and while I was in Seattle, I noticed it grew and starting turning black. But it didn't hurt and if I pushed it down it would go flat for a little while and then puff right back up again. Needless to say, I was a little concerened so I went to the doctor to get referred to a dermatologist. Well, she said it's nothing serious but I should have it removed. So she's referred me to surgery, and they may refer me to plastic surgery. Oh joy. It's not just something they can burn off, oh no. We have to make this a long drawn out process that could take months. :P I just want this thing off my face so I'll stop feeling so self concious. The doctor said it's most likely benine but given my recent experiences I'd like to find out for sure sooner rather than later. Luckily it has stopped growing but it still sits there, on my face, under my eye, making me feel like some sort of freak show.

I just want to be happy. I dont' want to feel sad, upset, mad, angry, hurt, depressed, confused, lazy...all these negative things. I want to be happy but I just can't seem to move on. I am trying, and I have to get back to work on the price list for NWAG, but I just seem to keep putting it off. If only zoloft would kick in sooner. In the meantime, I'll just keep working out, drinking water, and enjoying this lovely 80 degree weather.

I'm back!

I'm home. After a looooooooong train ride, meeting many interesting people, watching Season 2 of Rescue Me, and having my fill of train food, I'm back. To a very happy husband and surprised but happy kitties.

Life is good. :)

(Pictures to be posted later. Right now I need to unpack.)

This is it!

My last post from Seattle, at least for awhile. When I post again, I will be in Los Angeles! Home to my hubby, my kitties, my SoCal friends, and 80 degree weather. I will be sure to post pictures from home and from the train ride.

Today was a great day. I got to sleep in, catch up with Aunt Muriel, buy boxes from Staples (I have so much stuff it's not even funny - I was only supposed to be here a week!), etc. The biggest surprise was Emily, who I have not seen since 8th grade. We just started talking as if no time had passed. I am so happy to have re-connected with her! She was generous enough to come to the house all the way from Kenmore (North of Lake Washington) and talk to me while I frantically packed.

This evening Dad, Katie, and I headed over to Bainbridge Island for dinner to finally visit Aunt Diane and Uncle Gregg. Their house is so cool. I was mad that I forgot my camera because I really would have loved to share it with you guys and gals. Their studio is really neat, too, full of all kinds of treasures.

T minus 12 hours and some minutes! It will be a great trip, I'm looking forward to it. :)

Happy Birthday Mom

See the title of this post and you can guess why I'm not in the best of moods today.

Do you ever have those mornings where getting out of bed seems like the most traumatic thing? I laid in bed for 45 minutes before I couldn't hold it any longer. :P

Today Katie and I will spoil ourselves by going to Habitude to get our nails done. Then it's off to the cemetary (where we will be meeting Uncle Dan and Aunt Gwen) and then Mukilteo. Mom's best friend lives out there and she and her husband are having us over for dinner.

Yesterday was very fun. Jenny, Paige and I went to Blue C Sushi at the University Village near the University of Washington. I am going to miss both of them so very much. It has been good for me to see my girlfriends here on a regular basis.

Last night Brie and Steve came over for dinner and asked if Matt and I would like to be godparents of their child. Naturally, I said yes for the both of us. I am so excited! They also asked if my Dad would be a god grand-dad, which was very sweet. We are both honored to be part of this new little life.

Tomorrow I will spend the day packing and may head over to Bainbridge Island to see Uncle Gregg and Aunt Diane, but I'm not sure yet.

Monday, I take off. Train leaves at 9:45 a.m. I bought a memory card for my digital camera so I can take lots of pictures. :)

A cheat from Molly

life would be simpler if...
I knew where we would be living in 5 years, if Mom was still alive, and if I could commit to an exercise plan.

i feel most beautiful...
When I'm dancing, whether at a club or at one of Celena's house parties, and when I act.

the quality i like least about myself...
Well, there's 2. My gap toothed smile and the birthmark on my nose.

something that no one knows about me is...
I have a serious princess complex that I battle every day.

guiltiest pleasure?
Working from home. My commute consists of going from my bedroom to the living room, in my pj's!

high road or low road?
Sometimes I take the high road. I try to be good. Today I took the low road on the freeway and got honked at and given the bird. Lovely.

my favorite possession is...
My wedding ring. It's so pretty and shiney.

when i was little, i wanted to be...
An ocenagrapher (sp). Then I realized I stunk at science.

what surprises me most about my adult life is...
That it's much more complicated than it seemed when I was 16. And that I still have no serious career direction.

the big decision i'm currently wrestling with is...
How long will we be home for Christmas?

my motto is...
The meaning of life is to live it.

Annoyed

Why is it that people must comment on EVERYTHING they see on television? I mean, yes, I understand if you're upset or happy or whatever with what is showing but must it be repeated over and over? Let me enjoy the program and then we can talk about it afterwards.

Why do people have to tailgate so closely when I drive on the freeway? And how come drivers do not let us over when we are attempting to merge on to 405 and instead of being considerate, laugh as they nearly cause a 3 car pile-up? Who gave them a license? That person should be fired.

That's it. Just a few things that have happened a lot in the past week and I feel like I've had enough!

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to the greatest husband EVER. You are the greatest person and my best friend. I love you!

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday dear Matthew

Happy birthday to you

And many more, on channel 4

And Scooby Do, on channel 2

And Frankensten, on channel 9

Chuggin' along

I leave in 1 week. I can't believe I've been here over 2 months and suddenly I'm getting ready to go. I will miss it here. I've taken some things for granted, but also appreciated my friends and family who have helped me through this awful experience. I will be spending much of my 35 hour train ride journaling, reading, and watching movies on my portable DVD player, though apparently the train has a movie theater? Read on...

The West Coast Experience
Considered to be one of the most beautiful of all train routes, the Coast Starlight connects the hottest cities on America's West Coast. En route daily between Seattle and Los Angeles, the Coast Starlight passes through Portland, Eugene, Sacramento, the San Francisco Bay Area and Santa Barbara.

The scenery along the Coast Starlight route is unparalleled: snow-covered mountains, dense forests, fertile valleys and long stretches of Pacific Ocean shoreline provide a gorgeous backdrop for your journey.

And there are many places to stop and visit along the route. Get away to Paso Robles, where you can tour one of over 48 wineries or relax in the natural hot springs. Head to San Luis Obispo to climb the enchanted hill to Hearst Castle. Leave your heart in spectacular San Francisco. Or just stop and smell the roses in Portland.

Exclusive Amenities
Roomette and Bedroom passengers enjoy access to the Pacific Parlour Car, a private lounge featuring a library and games, afternoon wine tasting, plus a movie theater below. If you're traveling with little ones, they'll love the fun and games available just for them in the Kiddie Car.

All passengers enjoy floor-to-celing windows in the Sightseer Lounge—the perfect spot for taking in the magnificient scenery.

Trails & Rails
As part of the Trails & Rails program, National Park Service guides from the Klondike Gold Rush National Historical Park are onboard the Coast Starlight between Seattle and Portland and Klamath Falls and Eugene.

Trails & Rails is an innovative partnership program between Amtrak and the National Park Service. This program provides educational opportunities to Amtrak passengers for the purpose of fostering appreciation of America's natural and cultural heritage. More information is available at the Trails & Rails Partnership web site.

For more information, please download the Coast Starlight Route Guide.

I guess I should mention that I got a roomette. Hooray for wine tasting and movies on the train! :)

Big indulgences

The other day I had a bad day. Full of mood swings, anger, bitterness, crying, yelling, and general pissiness. I was out with Kari C., and bless her heart she was so patient with me. We were at the University Village Radio Shack and I came across portable DVD players. I still had birthday money on me and found a model that suited my needs. So I called Matt, and after a long discussion that involved not so much the DVD player, but a host of other things, we decided I could get it. And so I did. Isn't it pretty? :) I can catch up on Rescue Me on the train, along with some other movies I have been meaning to watch. It also plays CD's and has 2 headphone outlets so more than one person can watch. And, if our DVD player ever shuts down, this will be a quick replacement until we get a newer one. The best part? We can write it off.

Out of reach

I'm starting to hate my phone. I don't know why, but all of the sudden I just hate talking on it. I'd rather talk in person or through email. I can't explain why, but the phone is just really annoying these days - it just seems to be a constant interuption (and for those of you who have called, this isn't directed at anyone, it's just a phase, I promise!) And I'm starting to get anxious about my trip to L.A. 15 days! I can't believe I'll be going back that soon. As of Wednesday, I'll have been here 2 months. It feels like so much longer... :P

I am very excited for November. Matt and I will be heading up to wine country over Thanksgiving, which means we'll be spending Christmas with the fam. At least I'll get a few months to settle into life where it includes my husband, friends, and 2 kitties.

Tomorrow Kari C. and I are getting together. I'm not sure what we'll do, but whatever it is I know we will have lots to catch up on. She is grieving too over the recent loss of her father (3 weeks before mom). It is amazing just how much we have in common in this process.

And I can't believe I forgot to mention that I got to see Jenny last week. We had a terrific lunch at an Italian bistro on Proctor in Tacoma. Fabulous wine and food. Most of our sentences (as she quoted humourously on her blog) began with "my therapist said..." We cried and laughed and gossiped. We went window shopped at a high-end furniture store and oogled at the garden and kitchen boutique. It was a wonderful visit.

This is my life, should I choose to accept it.

Well, where do I begin?

First off, unfortunately, Great Aunt Helen died this week. I was not close to her, but my dad was, so we are off to Spokane tomorrow for a few days for the rosary (whoopee) and funeral (yippee). I am not looking forward to this as I know it's just going to bring back memories and pain that I have barely dealt with from mom's funeral. But I do get to wear my cute Nordstroms suit again and spend time with Aunt Sharon at her place. I don't get out there nearly enough. This means my trip to Aberdeen has been postponed until next weekend, which then throws off my plans for the next few weeks.

Secondly, work has gotten incredibly stressful in the last 24 hours. They have decided that I am going to work on the pricelist, which happens to contain over 4,000 items (and that doesn't include the new items)...it's a nasty project that is not worth stressing about at this point. I have no idea what I'm doing but thankfully my co-workers are being very patient with me...for now...this means, though, that I need to be working more which means less time for social gatherings (which I was enjoying quite a bit).

Oh, and it's pouring rain. Again. Which means the 520 floating bridge should be loads of fun on my way home this afternoon.

But Katie and I have a lunch date this afternoon which means I get to leave earlier than expected! :) We are going out for Pho in Ballard, and it's going to be deeeelish! Nothing like a big pot of soup on a cold, damp, Seattle day.

A cheat from Jenny

Subject: Little known facts about me
A) Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Marketing/Catalog guru
2. Administrative Assistant
3. Assistant Director at a daycare
4. Courtesy clerk at Thriftway

B) Four movies I would watch over and over:
1. Sliding Doors
2. Anne of Green Gables
3. Monsters Inc.
4. Strictly Ballroom

C) Four places I have lived:
1. Puyallup, Washington
2. Kent, Washington
3. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
4. Los Angeles, California

D) Four TV shows I love to watch
1. Project Runway
2. LOST
3. Rescue Me
4. The 4400

E ) Four places I have been on vacation:
1. Italy
2. Great Britain
3. Cuba
4. Puerto Marques, Mexico

F) Websites I visit daily:
1. Jenny's Blog
2. Lena's Blog
3. Kari's Blog
4. Molly's Blog

G ) Four of my favorite foods
1. Homemade chicken noodle soup
2. Clam Chowder from Chinooks
3. Aunt Sharon's Huckleberry Pancakes
4. Halibut

H) Four places I would rather be right now
1. Los Angeles (right now I'm in Seattle for another 3 weeks)
2. Hawaii
3. New York City (never been there)
4. Paris

I) Four things I will do with abandon this week:
1. pick up my new glasses
2. go have lunch with my sister at Blue C Sushi
3. Visit Jeff and Tina in Aberdeen
4. do my own laundry, but no one else's :)

J) Four favorite ways to spend a day off:
1. Reading
2. Watching Golden Girls on DVD
3. Naps
4. Breathing in the fresh Pacific Northwest Air

Good times

I started yesterday off with meeting Brie at our old college hangout, NPCC. It was weird to go back there as the last time I was there it was to see Matt and the rest of the DG Improv troupe perform. Their menu has changed, and they offer even more alchohol (which isn't a bad thing). It was just strange to be back in a place where I had spent so much of my college years. I didn't recognize anything, until Brie came walking through the door. We had a wonderful catch-up session, about 2 1/2 hours. We dished about husbands, families, ourselves, friends, and not-so-happy things. It was wonderful to reconnect with her.

Then it was off to Puyallup again, this time to see Lena and her family. She has 2 adorable kids, Mattias and Hailey, and she and her husband, Shaun, threw a joint birthday party. So there I was, amongst all of Shaun's relatives and a bundle of presents. It was wonderful to see Lena and see her be a mom. She is very good at her job, and the kids are so sweet. I can't say that we dished all that much, but that will come later. :) I did finally get to meet Raissa (sp?) after all this time!

Last, but not least, I was off to University Place to visit Cindy, and we had decided before that we were going to do something that required little or no money. Which, actually happened. Except for the wine and cheese I bought. I couldn't help myself - I found this wine and Cindy and I just burst out laughing because it was such a surprise. Wine is supposed to be classic and tasteful, but this is a bitch of a wine...and I'm not kidding. Very spicy and not meant to be taken lightly. We watched Walk The Line and enjoyed watching Joaquin Phoenix smoldering throughout the movie. I actually got to stay overnight and that's where I am now. Cindy's off to church (she's so good), and Emily and I are going off to do something...hopefully not the mall. I have no make-up and no hair product in, so I'd rather go somewhere where I don't have to look made-up. :)

30 days

I can't believe it's been a month already. I can't believe it's been a month and how much my life has been altered. I haven't cracked yet. Only in bits and pieces. But it's coming. I can feel it. And when that time comes, well, I'll have no choice but to let it go through me. All I can say is that it happens when Matt is physically by my side. There's nothing like having those big bear arms wrapped around me when I'm having a breakdown.

I love you, honey, and I miss you terribly. I'll be home soon.

Remembering, or trying to

I am having trouble separating my days now. I can't seem to remember what I did one day or another. Major events, like the Puyallup (prounounced Pew-Al-Up) Fair, I remember, but little things like emails and phone calls are getting harder to recall. If I don't write it down, then forget it. In one ear and out the other.

Today I'm working on the catalog, back to it after over a month of procastination and a vacation of sorts. I can't even remember where I left off, so I just picked up at what seemed like a good spot. I hope it all works out. I'm at the building in Redmond at Mom's desk. Everything is the same, I can almost see her here. It's really weird and kinda creepy and I don't like it. I keep finding excuses to leave my desk.

I finally got ahold of my counselor and I go in next week. Thank goodness! I have so much to say but I don't know where to start and I always feel like I'm repeating myself. I love my counselor, she rules. I can't wait to talk to her.

I went to the eye doctor yesterday and ordered new glasses - that I do remember. I can't wait for them to arrive!

Social Engagments

Yesterday I:

Went shopping with my mom in law at the faboo outlet mall and bought a bunch of stuff that I would need eventually. :) Had a great time trying on awful bras and buying really cute ones! Also found incredibly comfy sandals at Naturalizer and great layering shirts on clearance at Banana Republic.

Met Jenny for coffee, finally, and loved every minute of catching up with her (and we still have more to talk about). She is so fun, and I can't wait to hang out with her again. We dished about husbands, chatted about families, and griped and laughed about all kinds of things. I've never had so much fun at Starbucks!

Saw Stephanie for dinner and stayed out way past my bedtime. Had dinner at the Mandolin Cafe in North Tacoma and talked straight for about 4 hours. Lovely night, lovely friend, lovely conversation.

Today I:

Woke up at 8:15am after my first full night of restfull sleep all week! :D

Met Katie at school and went shopping downtown (I bought jeans, courdoroy jacket, undies, and hair product). We had a great time and I love spending time with her. I don't know if she feels the same way...

Went boating with Dad. Got to untie and tie the boat at the dock which was quite an adventure. I need to practice more and I hope he never asks me to steer!

Went out to dinner with Katherine and Julie at the India Bistro in Ballard. My favorite Indian restaurant of all time. Drank wine, had good food, and drank mango shakes. Fun was had by all! Next visit will include a new wine bar. :D

Tommorow I:

Will go to the Puyallup Fair with Katie and we will stay the night at Bryan and Brenda's house. Dad will be taking the boat to Port Townsend. Fun will be had by all (and I get to eat an Elephant Ear! Woot!).

Thank you...

...to my husband, who is the greatest man in this world, for putting up with me during 1am crying fests, making me laugh, supporting my family while being there for his, for taking care of me in all ways possible;

...to Kari C. who recently lost her father, for all the midnight talks, and movies, and all her support and kindness and friendship;

...to Jenny, who knows the pain of losing a parent and for all her posts and calls reminding me that I will eventually adjust to life without a parent, for all her love and kindness;

...to Paige, who perhaps wrote the most beautiful post I have ever seen, for listening to me gripe about anything and nothing, for the hugs and getting me out of the house;

...to Lena, who sends me emails to let me know she's thinking of me and my family, to comfort and support me, who is a friend I wish I could see more than once a year;

...to Nancy and Greg, my in laws, who support my entire family with food, overnights, and perhaps the most beautiful music I have ever heard at a funeral, for laughs and conversation, and the neverending game of scrabble;

...to Brianna, who threw me the most wonderful party and is about to give life, for all your love and energy and support even after moving and being pregnant;

...to my sister, who I have finally recognized as a human being, whom I love and care for, who is spunky, silly, and wants to change the world;

...to my Dad, who I admire more than I can say, and who I worry about the most;

...to everyone who showed up at the surprise party a few weeks ago, you will never know how much that helped me, to see you there and feel your love and support;

...to Molly, who keeps reminding me to smile;

...to Cindy, who has her own troubles, and yet is determined to get me out of the house this month;

...to Dawn, the master of massage therapists, for all the massages, talks, and cry fests;

...to Keith, for the wonderful dinners, conversations, and chocolates :) ;

...to my Aunts - Gwen, Diane, Muriel, and Sharon - you are my new mothers and I love you all in equal ways, I am so glad to know you better;

...to my Uncles - Gregg, Terry, Dan, and John - thank you for all you do to support your wives and my Dad;

...and to Ben and Mary, who are the best kitty sitters anyone could ever ask for.

I know I've forgotten some, but I just had to post something. To all of you, thank you for all you have done. I wouldn't make it through this without you, and neither would my family.

An Ode

A friend of mine wrote this for me in a comment on a recent blog post. It's too good not to share. She is a dear dear friend, one of my best, and a fantastic writer. See for yourself...

An Ode to My Friend

She was a blaze of glory, a gentle sun, a warm blanket around the heart, the tender lift of a sullen chin. She was the mother of my best friend. Her guide star, her sustaining reminder that she is someone’s daughter, her loving reassurance that despite everything life is good, her grounding force, and the nagging strength that would push her toward independence. Now she’s gone, and my friend, looks around at those she loves wondering why. She accepts no answers because there are none to give. She struggles under the weight of the burden of loss trying to carry it on her own, occasionally leaning against her family, husband, and friends. She is a bird who has taken flight to find her direction only to find herself called home by an early winter. The weather has been deceiving but with patience and time she will fly again. She will fly in the light of her mother who is no longer left behind. She will be warmed by the blazing sun, her mother’s beauty giving her life energy and meaning that she hasn’t previously believed could exist. She will blossom without the hugs, without the kisses, without the pet names, or delicious meals. She will fascinate at a daily life in which her mother’s absence seems impossible. And with her own tears and the tears of those who love her most, she will grow in the radiating love and glory that her mother entrusted within her. She is Camille. (…and Katie, and Kari, and Anna, and Lauren, and Mike, and Patrick, and Emily, and others.)

Thank you Paige. I love you. :)

Commercials

I think one of the coolest and yet weirdest thing about living in L.A. is that you will be watching television and all of the sudden a commercial pops up. I watch it, as I do most of them, with little or no interest. Today I just happened to turn on the t.v. and on came Dunkin Donuts commercial. It was kind of interesting and then the last actor came on. He turned to the camera and I just sat there gaping. It was Briton Green, the actor who had starred in Sneaky Pete's Harem, Matt's last cycle film at AFI last term. I couldn't believe it! Of course, I called Matt right away and he was excited too. I reacted the same way when my scene partner from acting class popped up in a commercial for Carl's Junior.

I know that acting takes a lot of work, and if you're dedicated and determined and have a thick skin, you can make it. But right now I have more important things to attend to. Like Uncle Dan's end of summer BBQ and pool party. :)