Bad day

So far it's not going well. I'm terribly depressed and was told that my anti-depressants wouldn't kick in for another 3 weeks. And I started working out today, which means my muscles are terribly sore.

I also had to make a visit to the doctor. I have a birthmark just below my left eye, and while I was in Seattle, I noticed it grew and starting turning black. But it didn't hurt and if I pushed it down it would go flat for a little while and then puff right back up again. Needless to say, I was a little concerened so I went to the doctor to get referred to a dermatologist. Well, she said it's nothing serious but I should have it removed. So she's referred me to surgery, and they may refer me to plastic surgery. Oh joy. It's not just something they can burn off, oh no. We have to make this a long drawn out process that could take months. :P I just want this thing off my face so I'll stop feeling so self concious. The doctor said it's most likely benine but given my recent experiences I'd like to find out for sure sooner rather than later. Luckily it has stopped growing but it still sits there, on my face, under my eye, making me feel like some sort of freak show.

I just want to be happy. I dont' want to feel sad, upset, mad, angry, hurt, depressed, confused, lazy...all these negative things. I want to be happy but I just can't seem to move on. I am trying, and I have to get back to work on the price list for NWAG, but I just seem to keep putting it off. If only zoloft would kick in sooner. In the meantime, I'll just keep working out, drinking water, and enjoying this lovely 80 degree weather.

I'm back!

I'm home. After a looooooooong train ride, meeting many interesting people, watching Season 2 of Rescue Me, and having my fill of train food, I'm back. To a very happy husband and surprised but happy kitties.

Life is good. :)

(Pictures to be posted later. Right now I need to unpack.)

This is it!

My last post from Seattle, at least for awhile. When I post again, I will be in Los Angeles! Home to my hubby, my kitties, my SoCal friends, and 80 degree weather. I will be sure to post pictures from home and from the train ride.

Today was a great day. I got to sleep in, catch up with Aunt Muriel, buy boxes from Staples (I have so much stuff it's not even funny - I was only supposed to be here a week!), etc. The biggest surprise was Emily, who I have not seen since 8th grade. We just started talking as if no time had passed. I am so happy to have re-connected with her! She was generous enough to come to the house all the way from Kenmore (North of Lake Washington) and talk to me while I frantically packed.

This evening Dad, Katie, and I headed over to Bainbridge Island for dinner to finally visit Aunt Diane and Uncle Gregg. Their house is so cool. I was mad that I forgot my camera because I really would have loved to share it with you guys and gals. Their studio is really neat, too, full of all kinds of treasures.

T minus 12 hours and some minutes! It will be a great trip, I'm looking forward to it. :)

Happy Birthday Mom

See the title of this post and you can guess why I'm not in the best of moods today.

Do you ever have those mornings where getting out of bed seems like the most traumatic thing? I laid in bed for 45 minutes before I couldn't hold it any longer. :P

Today Katie and I will spoil ourselves by going to Habitude to get our nails done. Then it's off to the cemetary (where we will be meeting Uncle Dan and Aunt Gwen) and then Mukilteo. Mom's best friend lives out there and she and her husband are having us over for dinner.

Yesterday was very fun. Jenny, Paige and I went to Blue C Sushi at the University Village near the University of Washington. I am going to miss both of them so very much. It has been good for me to see my girlfriends here on a regular basis.

Last night Brie and Steve came over for dinner and asked if Matt and I would like to be godparents of their child. Naturally, I said yes for the both of us. I am so excited! They also asked if my Dad would be a god grand-dad, which was very sweet. We are both honored to be part of this new little life.

Tomorrow I will spend the day packing and may head over to Bainbridge Island to see Uncle Gregg and Aunt Diane, but I'm not sure yet.

Monday, I take off. Train leaves at 9:45 a.m. I bought a memory card for my digital camera so I can take lots of pictures. :)

A cheat from Molly

life would be simpler if...
I knew where we would be living in 5 years, if Mom was still alive, and if I could commit to an exercise plan.

i feel most beautiful...
When I'm dancing, whether at a club or at one of Celena's house parties, and when I act.

the quality i like least about myself...
Well, there's 2. My gap toothed smile and the birthmark on my nose.

something that no one knows about me is...
I have a serious princess complex that I battle every day.

guiltiest pleasure?
Working from home. My commute consists of going from my bedroom to the living room, in my pj's!

high road or low road?
Sometimes I take the high road. I try to be good. Today I took the low road on the freeway and got honked at and given the bird. Lovely.

my favorite possession is...
My wedding ring. It's so pretty and shiney.

when i was little, i wanted to be...
An ocenagrapher (sp). Then I realized I stunk at science.

what surprises me most about my adult life is...
That it's much more complicated than it seemed when I was 16. And that I still have no serious career direction.

the big decision i'm currently wrestling with is...
How long will we be home for Christmas?

my motto is...
The meaning of life is to live it.

Annoyed

Why is it that people must comment on EVERYTHING they see on television? I mean, yes, I understand if you're upset or happy or whatever with what is showing but must it be repeated over and over? Let me enjoy the program and then we can talk about it afterwards.

Why do people have to tailgate so closely when I drive on the freeway? And how come drivers do not let us over when we are attempting to merge on to 405 and instead of being considerate, laugh as they nearly cause a 3 car pile-up? Who gave them a license? That person should be fired.

That's it. Just a few things that have happened a lot in the past week and I feel like I've had enough!

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to the greatest husband EVER. You are the greatest person and my best friend. I love you!

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday dear Matthew

Happy birthday to you

And many more, on channel 4

And Scooby Do, on channel 2

And Frankensten, on channel 9

Chuggin' along

I leave in 1 week. I can't believe I've been here over 2 months and suddenly I'm getting ready to go. I will miss it here. I've taken some things for granted, but also appreciated my friends and family who have helped me through this awful experience. I will be spending much of my 35 hour train ride journaling, reading, and watching movies on my portable DVD player, though apparently the train has a movie theater? Read on...

The West Coast Experience
Considered to be one of the most beautiful of all train routes, the Coast Starlight connects the hottest cities on America's West Coast. En route daily between Seattle and Los Angeles, the Coast Starlight passes through Portland, Eugene, Sacramento, the San Francisco Bay Area and Santa Barbara.

The scenery along the Coast Starlight route is unparalleled: snow-covered mountains, dense forests, fertile valleys and long stretches of Pacific Ocean shoreline provide a gorgeous backdrop for your journey.

And there are many places to stop and visit along the route. Get away to Paso Robles, where you can tour one of over 48 wineries or relax in the natural hot springs. Head to San Luis Obispo to climb the enchanted hill to Hearst Castle. Leave your heart in spectacular San Francisco. Or just stop and smell the roses in Portland.

Exclusive Amenities
Roomette and Bedroom passengers enjoy access to the Pacific Parlour Car, a private lounge featuring a library and games, afternoon wine tasting, plus a movie theater below. If you're traveling with little ones, they'll love the fun and games available just for them in the Kiddie Car.

All passengers enjoy floor-to-celing windows in the Sightseer Lounge—the perfect spot for taking in the magnificient scenery.

Trails & Rails
As part of the Trails & Rails program, National Park Service guides from the Klondike Gold Rush National Historical Park are onboard the Coast Starlight between Seattle and Portland and Klamath Falls and Eugene.

Trails & Rails is an innovative partnership program between Amtrak and the National Park Service. This program provides educational opportunities to Amtrak passengers for the purpose of fostering appreciation of America's natural and cultural heritage. More information is available at the Trails & Rails Partnership web site.

For more information, please download the Coast Starlight Route Guide.

I guess I should mention that I got a roomette. Hooray for wine tasting and movies on the train! :)

Big indulgences

The other day I had a bad day. Full of mood swings, anger, bitterness, crying, yelling, and general pissiness. I was out with Kari C., and bless her heart she was so patient with me. We were at the University Village Radio Shack and I came across portable DVD players. I still had birthday money on me and found a model that suited my needs. So I called Matt, and after a long discussion that involved not so much the DVD player, but a host of other things, we decided I could get it. And so I did. Isn't it pretty? :) I can catch up on Rescue Me on the train, along with some other movies I have been meaning to watch. It also plays CD's and has 2 headphone outlets so more than one person can watch. And, if our DVD player ever shuts down, this will be a quick replacement until we get a newer one. The best part? We can write it off.

Out of reach

I'm starting to hate my phone. I don't know why, but all of the sudden I just hate talking on it. I'd rather talk in person or through email. I can't explain why, but the phone is just really annoying these days - it just seems to be a constant interuption (and for those of you who have called, this isn't directed at anyone, it's just a phase, I promise!) And I'm starting to get anxious about my trip to L.A. 15 days! I can't believe I'll be going back that soon. As of Wednesday, I'll have been here 2 months. It feels like so much longer... :P

I am very excited for November. Matt and I will be heading up to wine country over Thanksgiving, which means we'll be spending Christmas with the fam. At least I'll get a few months to settle into life where it includes my husband, friends, and 2 kitties.

Tomorrow Kari C. and I are getting together. I'm not sure what we'll do, but whatever it is I know we will have lots to catch up on. She is grieving too over the recent loss of her father (3 weeks before mom). It is amazing just how much we have in common in this process.

And I can't believe I forgot to mention that I got to see Jenny last week. We had a terrific lunch at an Italian bistro on Proctor in Tacoma. Fabulous wine and food. Most of our sentences (as she quoted humourously on her blog) began with "my therapist said..." We cried and laughed and gossiped. We went window shopped at a high-end furniture store and oogled at the garden and kitchen boutique. It was a wonderful visit.

This is my life, should I choose to accept it.

Well, where do I begin?

First off, unfortunately, Great Aunt Helen died this week. I was not close to her, but my dad was, so we are off to Spokane tomorrow for a few days for the rosary (whoopee) and funeral (yippee). I am not looking forward to this as I know it's just going to bring back memories and pain that I have barely dealt with from mom's funeral. But I do get to wear my cute Nordstroms suit again and spend time with Aunt Sharon at her place. I don't get out there nearly enough. This means my trip to Aberdeen has been postponed until next weekend, which then throws off my plans for the next few weeks.

Secondly, work has gotten incredibly stressful in the last 24 hours. They have decided that I am going to work on the pricelist, which happens to contain over 4,000 items (and that doesn't include the new items)...it's a nasty project that is not worth stressing about at this point. I have no idea what I'm doing but thankfully my co-workers are being very patient with me...for now...this means, though, that I need to be working more which means less time for social gatherings (which I was enjoying quite a bit).

Oh, and it's pouring rain. Again. Which means the 520 floating bridge should be loads of fun on my way home this afternoon.

But Katie and I have a lunch date this afternoon which means I get to leave earlier than expected! :) We are going out for Pho in Ballard, and it's going to be deeeelish! Nothing like a big pot of soup on a cold, damp, Seattle day.

A cheat from Jenny

Subject: Little known facts about me
A) Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Marketing/Catalog guru
2. Administrative Assistant
3. Assistant Director at a daycare
4. Courtesy clerk at Thriftway

B) Four movies I would watch over and over:
1. Sliding Doors
2. Anne of Green Gables
3. Monsters Inc.
4. Strictly Ballroom

C) Four places I have lived:
1. Puyallup, Washington
2. Kent, Washington
3. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
4. Los Angeles, California

D) Four TV shows I love to watch
1. Project Runway
2. LOST
3. Rescue Me
4. The 4400

E ) Four places I have been on vacation:
1. Italy
2. Great Britain
3. Cuba
4. Puerto Marques, Mexico

F) Websites I visit daily:
1. Jenny's Blog
2. Lena's Blog
3. Kari's Blog
4. Molly's Blog

G ) Four of my favorite foods
1. Homemade chicken noodle soup
2. Clam Chowder from Chinooks
3. Aunt Sharon's Huckleberry Pancakes
4. Halibut

H) Four places I would rather be right now
1. Los Angeles (right now I'm in Seattle for another 3 weeks)
2. Hawaii
3. New York City (never been there)
4. Paris

I) Four things I will do with abandon this week:
1. pick up my new glasses
2. go have lunch with my sister at Blue C Sushi
3. Visit Jeff and Tina in Aberdeen
4. do my own laundry, but no one else's :)

J) Four favorite ways to spend a day off:
1. Reading
2. Watching Golden Girls on DVD
3. Naps
4. Breathing in the fresh Pacific Northwest Air

Good times

I started yesterday off with meeting Brie at our old college hangout, NPCC. It was weird to go back there as the last time I was there it was to see Matt and the rest of the DG Improv troupe perform. Their menu has changed, and they offer even more alchohol (which isn't a bad thing). It was just strange to be back in a place where I had spent so much of my college years. I didn't recognize anything, until Brie came walking through the door. We had a wonderful catch-up session, about 2 1/2 hours. We dished about husbands, families, ourselves, friends, and not-so-happy things. It was wonderful to reconnect with her.

Then it was off to Puyallup again, this time to see Lena and her family. She has 2 adorable kids, Mattias and Hailey, and she and her husband, Shaun, threw a joint birthday party. So there I was, amongst all of Shaun's relatives and a bundle of presents. It was wonderful to see Lena and see her be a mom. She is very good at her job, and the kids are so sweet. I can't say that we dished all that much, but that will come later. :) I did finally get to meet Raissa (sp?) after all this time!

Last, but not least, I was off to University Place to visit Cindy, and we had decided before that we were going to do something that required little or no money. Which, actually happened. Except for the wine and cheese I bought. I couldn't help myself - I found this wine and Cindy and I just burst out laughing because it was such a surprise. Wine is supposed to be classic and tasteful, but this is a bitch of a wine...and I'm not kidding. Very spicy and not meant to be taken lightly. We watched Walk The Line and enjoyed watching Joaquin Phoenix smoldering throughout the movie. I actually got to stay overnight and that's where I am now. Cindy's off to church (she's so good), and Emily and I are going off to do something...hopefully not the mall. I have no make-up and no hair product in, so I'd rather go somewhere where I don't have to look made-up. :)

30 days

I can't believe it's been a month already. I can't believe it's been a month and how much my life has been altered. I haven't cracked yet. Only in bits and pieces. But it's coming. I can feel it. And when that time comes, well, I'll have no choice but to let it go through me. All I can say is that it happens when Matt is physically by my side. There's nothing like having those big bear arms wrapped around me when I'm having a breakdown.

I love you, honey, and I miss you terribly. I'll be home soon.

Remembering, or trying to

I am having trouble separating my days now. I can't seem to remember what I did one day or another. Major events, like the Puyallup (prounounced Pew-Al-Up) Fair, I remember, but little things like emails and phone calls are getting harder to recall. If I don't write it down, then forget it. In one ear and out the other.

Today I'm working on the catalog, back to it after over a month of procastination and a vacation of sorts. I can't even remember where I left off, so I just picked up at what seemed like a good spot. I hope it all works out. I'm at the building in Redmond at Mom's desk. Everything is the same, I can almost see her here. It's really weird and kinda creepy and I don't like it. I keep finding excuses to leave my desk.

I finally got ahold of my counselor and I go in next week. Thank goodness! I have so much to say but I don't know where to start and I always feel like I'm repeating myself. I love my counselor, she rules. I can't wait to talk to her.

I went to the eye doctor yesterday and ordered new glasses - that I do remember. I can't wait for them to arrive!

Social Engagments

Yesterday I:

Went shopping with my mom in law at the faboo outlet mall and bought a bunch of stuff that I would need eventually. :) Had a great time trying on awful bras and buying really cute ones! Also found incredibly comfy sandals at Naturalizer and great layering shirts on clearance at Banana Republic.

Met Jenny for coffee, finally, and loved every minute of catching up with her (and we still have more to talk about). She is so fun, and I can't wait to hang out with her again. We dished about husbands, chatted about families, and griped and laughed about all kinds of things. I've never had so much fun at Starbucks!

Saw Stephanie for dinner and stayed out way past my bedtime. Had dinner at the Mandolin Cafe in North Tacoma and talked straight for about 4 hours. Lovely night, lovely friend, lovely conversation.

Today I:

Woke up at 8:15am after my first full night of restfull sleep all week! :D

Met Katie at school and went shopping downtown (I bought jeans, courdoroy jacket, undies, and hair product). We had a great time and I love spending time with her. I don't know if she feels the same way...

Went boating with Dad. Got to untie and tie the boat at the dock which was quite an adventure. I need to practice more and I hope he never asks me to steer!

Went out to dinner with Katherine and Julie at the India Bistro in Ballard. My favorite Indian restaurant of all time. Drank wine, had good food, and drank mango shakes. Fun was had by all! Next visit will include a new wine bar. :D

Tommorow I:

Will go to the Puyallup Fair with Katie and we will stay the night at Bryan and Brenda's house. Dad will be taking the boat to Port Townsend. Fun will be had by all (and I get to eat an Elephant Ear! Woot!).

Thank you...

...to my husband, who is the greatest man in this world, for putting up with me during 1am crying fests, making me laugh, supporting my family while being there for his, for taking care of me in all ways possible;

...to Kari C. who recently lost her father, for all the midnight talks, and movies, and all her support and kindness and friendship;

...to Jenny, who knows the pain of losing a parent and for all her posts and calls reminding me that I will eventually adjust to life without a parent, for all her love and kindness;

...to Paige, who perhaps wrote the most beautiful post I have ever seen, for listening to me gripe about anything and nothing, for the hugs and getting me out of the house;

...to Lena, who sends me emails to let me know she's thinking of me and my family, to comfort and support me, who is a friend I wish I could see more than once a year;

...to Nancy and Greg, my in laws, who support my entire family with food, overnights, and perhaps the most beautiful music I have ever heard at a funeral, for laughs and conversation, and the neverending game of scrabble;

...to Brianna, who threw me the most wonderful party and is about to give life, for all your love and energy and support even after moving and being pregnant;

...to my sister, who I have finally recognized as a human being, whom I love and care for, who is spunky, silly, and wants to change the world;

...to my Dad, who I admire more than I can say, and who I worry about the most;

...to everyone who showed up at the surprise party a few weeks ago, you will never know how much that helped me, to see you there and feel your love and support;

...to Molly, who keeps reminding me to smile;

...to Cindy, who has her own troubles, and yet is determined to get me out of the house this month;

...to Dawn, the master of massage therapists, for all the massages, talks, and cry fests;

...to Keith, for the wonderful dinners, conversations, and chocolates :) ;

...to my Aunts - Gwen, Diane, Muriel, and Sharon - you are my new mothers and I love you all in equal ways, I am so glad to know you better;

...to my Uncles - Gregg, Terry, Dan, and John - thank you for all you do to support your wives and my Dad;

...and to Ben and Mary, who are the best kitty sitters anyone could ever ask for.

I know I've forgotten some, but I just had to post something. To all of you, thank you for all you have done. I wouldn't make it through this without you, and neither would my family.

An Ode

A friend of mine wrote this for me in a comment on a recent blog post. It's too good not to share. She is a dear dear friend, one of my best, and a fantastic writer. See for yourself...

An Ode to My Friend

She was a blaze of glory, a gentle sun, a warm blanket around the heart, the tender lift of a sullen chin. She was the mother of my best friend. Her guide star, her sustaining reminder that she is someone’s daughter, her loving reassurance that despite everything life is good, her grounding force, and the nagging strength that would push her toward independence. Now she’s gone, and my friend, looks around at those she loves wondering why. She accepts no answers because there are none to give. She struggles under the weight of the burden of loss trying to carry it on her own, occasionally leaning against her family, husband, and friends. She is a bird who has taken flight to find her direction only to find herself called home by an early winter. The weather has been deceiving but with patience and time she will fly again. She will fly in the light of her mother who is no longer left behind. She will be warmed by the blazing sun, her mother’s beauty giving her life energy and meaning that she hasn’t previously believed could exist. She will blossom without the hugs, without the kisses, without the pet names, or delicious meals. She will fascinate at a daily life in which her mother’s absence seems impossible. And with her own tears and the tears of those who love her most, she will grow in the radiating love and glory that her mother entrusted within her. She is Camille. (…and Katie, and Kari, and Anna, and Lauren, and Mike, and Patrick, and Emily, and others.)

Thank you Paige. I love you. :)

Commercials

I think one of the coolest and yet weirdest thing about living in L.A. is that you will be watching television and all of the sudden a commercial pops up. I watch it, as I do most of them, with little or no interest. Today I just happened to turn on the t.v. and on came Dunkin Donuts commercial. It was kind of interesting and then the last actor came on. He turned to the camera and I just sat there gaping. It was Briton Green, the actor who had starred in Sneaky Pete's Harem, Matt's last cycle film at AFI last term. I couldn't believe it! Of course, I called Matt right away and he was excited too. I reacted the same way when my scene partner from acting class popped up in a commercial for Carl's Junior.

I know that acting takes a lot of work, and if you're dedicated and determined and have a thick skin, you can make it. But right now I have more important things to attend to. Like Uncle Dan's end of summer BBQ and pool party. :)

All by myself!

Dad's in Spokane...

Katie's getting a facial...

Crap, I need to water the yard.

(I got my hair cut SHORT and it's auburn. Will post pictures soon!)

In the last week...

I have seen Mom and her Dad, my Grandpa Wes, twice in my dreams;

I got to go sailing at Detroit Lake;

I got to see the Milky Way and many shooting stars;

I went camping on a boat;

I ate Zeeks Pizza;

I saw Katie's friend Elliott star as "Macbeth" in the Scottish Play;

I have reconnected with some family and connected for the first time with others;

I went for a walk in the neighborhood where I grew up and rediscovered many new things;

I talked to neighbors and was told that the kids I used to baby sit are now all in high school;

I got to know Brenda, my cousin's wife, who is completely wonderful and it's so nice to have a member of the family who is my age and also female;

I have spent so much time with my wonderful sister, who is wacky and goofy just like me, and is passionate about all things political and environemental;

I went to a friends house for dinner, but it was a surprise party - I had the most wonderful time and it was exactly what I needed in order to boost my spirits;

I have started to realize what it takes to run a household and yet still maintain a sense of independence and teamwork - it's a very tricky balance;

I have learned a lot about my family;

I have discovered that I think I'm going to be okay.

Vacation

I have that little song going through my head where the chorus starts with the word "vacation". I don't know that rest of the words, but it's been a nice thought these last few days.

The fam and I are in Puyallup. We've stayed with my in-laws these past few days and tonight we're off to my Uncle's place also in Puyallup. He has a pool. I will make use of it. :) Then we'll go back to Seattle tomorrow and Thursday Matt leaves to go back to California. :( Which means Katie, Dad, and I go to Oregon to spend a few days on Uncle John and Aunt Muriels boat on Detroit Lake. I can't wait to spend some time outdoors. I may even get a chance to listen to my ipod.

I'm doing alright, but I'm more concerned about my dad. I know we'll all pull through this, some how, some day. But I find myself getting really mad and moody these days, just at the drop of a hat. I've also been really super lazy, which means I need to kick start the bikram yoga next week (thankfully there's a place close to my folks, er, my Dad's, over in Fremont). I have thought more than once "I wish my life would just go back to normal." But I have to adjust to this "new" normal.

Missing

Her voice
Her smile
Her wisdom
Her kindness
Her grace
Her cooking
Her warmth
Her hugs
Her kisses
Her petnames for me
Her unique sense of style

I have the best family and friends in the world. Everyone has been so supportive, kind, and understanding. Thank you for everything. I am so lucky to have such wonderful people in my life.

Stylin

Sometimes, a little retail therapy at Nordstroms is a very good thing.

I think Mom would approve. :)

You say goodbye, I say hello...

Mom (aka Karin)

Born October 7, 1948 - Portland, Oregon
Died August 14, 2006 - at home in Seattle, Washington

Beloved wife, mother, friend, and artist. Survived by her husband, Richard, and 2 daughters, Camille and Katie. Services to be held this weekend.

The game of Life

My career: Artist
My salary: 90,000
College: yes
Kids: no
House: Dutch Colonial
Win: yes

Fake life is fun to play!

Getting there...

There's this phrase that keeps circling the house: "Any day now, she could go." Yes, that's true. Last night Dad asked Katie and I if we wanted to be woken up should Mom pass during the night. We both said "No thanks." He also said that it could take the coroner 24 hours to show up to the hosue to take her away and would we want to say good bye before she left the house? "No thanks. Don't want memory of Mom not alive in the house." Dad said he wanted us to have the choice, which I appreciated, but I think Katie and I will stay downstairs at that point, until she leaves. I want to keep my memories of my mother alive. I think she'd understand. Dad seemed to.

For those of you who wanted to come visit and I've canceled, for those of you who have emailed and I've not responded, please bear with me. I have reached the point where I'm talked out. I feel like there's nothing new for me to say. I mean, I know what's going on in my life, and so do you. Tell me what's going on in your life. Remind me that there is a life after all this is over, that I'll get out of this house, be able to talk above a whisper, and my first thought in the morning will not be "I wonder if she made it through the night."

Happy Birthday!

To me! Okay, so selfishly I really wanted Mom to stick out the day, and she did. She the oxygen plug in her nose, which means she's not working so hard to breathe. She almost passed today. It was so frightening and I was so mad. Not at her, just at the circumstances. There was about 10 minutes where we all just watched her breathe, wondering if that last breath was truly her last. Then she shook, and "re-booted" herself. She's still hanging on. We just take it one day at a time, and I am still hoping that she'll make it for my parents 35th wedding anniversary on the 14th, which is Monday.

I didn't expect presents today. Dad came in and said that he was sorry that he didn't have time to shop, but what did I want? I told him I wanted an I-Pod, so my cousin took me to the Apple store today, and I got one. It is SO COOL! Other gifts included a fabulous homemade chocolate cake from Keith, a photo album that Katie made for me that's all pictures of me and Mom, a book by St. Francis of Assisi from Kari, Wonderwoman T from Brie and Steve, glass from Aunt Diane, some FABOO lotion from Aunt Gwen, and a new kitty tile and pj's from Aunt Sharon, oh, and Season 4 of the Golden Girls on DVD from Matt :) . Perhaps the greatest gift of all is from Aunt Muriel, who has taken my place beside my mom, caring for her and helping with meds and bodily functions - stuff that I just can't bring myself to do - she is wonderful. We had a lovely celebration outside, with that chocolate cake and 28 candles (that I blew out in one breath) and champagne. Despite the circumstances, it was a wonderful birthday.

Matt went to GenCon, was there for one day, and flew home today. He will miss all the premieres. He says its just a movie and that there will be more. But good news - there's discussion of possible distribution AND the first premiere, which was tonight, was a huge hit. Congrats, honey! I am so proud of you!

Milk

Setup: Dad (Richard) is in the kitchen, and Aunt Muriel and Aunt Sharon are with Mom in the living room. Dad has just finished giving Mom some juice...

Muriel: Richard, Karin says she wants some milk.

Dad: What?

Muriel: She wants some milk.

Dad: She doesn't drink milk. She never has.

Muriel: I know, but she wants some.

Dad: (ponders) Okay.

He gets it ready and gives her a sip. Half way through the next one she closes her mouth tight - no more.

Mom mumbles.

Dad puts his ear next to her mouth and says "What's that, honey?"

Mom: I wanted chocolate milk.

Conversations

Me: Mom, I love you.

Mom: I love you too honey.

(5 minutes later)

Me: Mom, I love you.

Mom: I know.

(a few minutes later)

Me: I love you, Mom.

Mom: I know sweetheart, you've told me already.

(a few minutes later)

Me: I love you, Mom.

Mom: I know.

Me: Do you love me too?

Mom: (thinks for a minute and wrinkles her nose.) Nah.

Hi Mom

I thought that since so many people have commented about what's going on these days, you all should see what she looked like before she got sick. These shirts were made last summer by my Mom's brother, Uncle Dan. He sold them to friends and family and gave the funds to breast cancer research. Everyone is wearing one these days. I keep hoping for a miracle. And trying to keep the mountain of laundry to a reasonable level.

Little Peanut

When my little sister was born Mom started calling her "My little peanut". And it was true. Katie was so cute, all bundled up in blankets and her face kinda squished when she'd cry. It was adorable. Our little peanut flew in last night a week early from Costa Rica and we were up until about 3am crying and laughing with our cousing Zac who was sleeping on the floor. We had a great time sharing stories and sentiments and joking late at night in the dark. I think it's what Mom would have wanted us to do. She always let us feel how we were feeling, but not without letting us know that we were loved and cared for. She's still the greatest Mom. Ever. Heck, I'm partial. :)

What breaks my heart, truly, is that my baby sister is only 16, and there is still so much that she needs to learn from her mother. Mom will never see Katie graduate from high school in a few years. She'll miss college graduation, wedding, and babies. I know, I know, she'll be there, but she won't be there. I told Katie what I thought, comforted her until the wee hours of the morning, and she feels a little better, but not by much. This is the worst thing that could happen, and my heart aches for her and for the both of us. I told her it's okay if she gets mad at me because I got to spend more time with Mom, but I think it will be imperative that I be present for all those major events.

Mom grabbed my hand a few nights ago and looked me in the eye and said, "Don't worry honey, everything will be okay." I thought, 'Sure, Mom, that's easy for you to say. We have to live without you.' And what makes me cry these days is that she's always called me sweetheart in that sweet voice of hers. She still does in her lucid moments. And when she goes, I won't hear that ever again. I have thought about getting a tape recorder just so I can hear it every once in awhile.

Isn't It Ironic?

I have a very dear friend, Kari C., who lost her father suddenly 2 weeks ago. She and I met through our dads 21 years ago at t-ball practice. They started talking which meant we started talking. She and I have never gone to the same schools, never really had the same group of friends, but always celebrated each other's birthdays and went to Italy together 6 years ago after we graduated from college.

Now, we are losing a parent. At the same time. I have 2 other dear friends, Jenny and Pat, who have lost a mother or a father in the last few years. I think it is never easy to lose a parent, you're never prepared, but at this age we still so desperately need them for guidance and reassurance and in some cases, approval.

I regret that my mom will never see her grandchildren and miss my calls to her when I don't know what to do and need her advice. I regret that she won't see my sister graduate from high school in a few years, and watch her go to college and get married. I am so mad, so confused, I don't understand why it has to be her. Why does she have to go? Why is it her time? Why does she have to be taken away? I drive myself mad with these questions and I haven't found any answers.

Limitations

I don't want to sound selfish but I just have certain things I can't do, like the bathroom and giving her a bath. It's my mom, for petes sake and I just can't bear it. Today I had to give her a spit bath, with my cousin Lisa (who has worked hospice care before, THANK GOD, she knew what she was doing) and broke down afterwards. Thank goodness Matt called at that moment. He'll be here Friday and Steph will be here tomorrow.

For all of you who have emailed, called, commented, etc. Thank you. It is encouraging and helpful and comoforting to read what you have to say.

And Molly, I do smile. As much as possible.

Growing Up

I think the worst part of growing up is watching your parents get older. Especially when one is sicker than the other, and spending your days supporting the healthy parent in all endavors, from making the ill one more comfortable to being social director and coordinating visits and phone calls.

It's time you know that my Mom is terminal. She is under hospice care here at home. The hospice nurse visited yesterday and based on mom's decline in the past week she says there are maybe weeks left, but not months. We were hoping that she'd make it to her next birthday in October, but now we're just hoping for Labor Day. She's beaten the odds before, and we have hope that she can do it again, but she's on morphine and pain patches, which is certainly not a hopeful sign. Even through the tears and anger, I still have faith that she's going to get better.

I think the creepiest thing I saw this morning was the amount of crows outside our house. There were 4 sitting on the telephone wire just hanging out outside my mom's room (it's the living room). Dad says they are Native American spirits, and that crows were an ominious sign that death is near. He also saw an owl outside yesterday in the back yard, and that is incredibly rare.

I go back and for between sobbing and feeling out of control to being in survival and business mode, so bear with me. :)

The Alanis Phenomenon

I was on my way home from class tonight when I turned on the radio and Miss Alanis' voice filled my speakers. It's an interesting story how I found out about her when I was an angsty (is that even a word?) teen. My Uncle Gregg gave me her CD for Christmas and asked if I had ever heard of her. I said "NO" in my one-word teen like way and he acted as though I had just slapped him across the face. He said she was the hottest artist and I simply had to listen to her. So I did. Over and over again. My favorite being "You Learn."

I still have the CD but I don't listen to it any more. The phenomenon, I believe, is that I can go months, even years, without hearing those songs on that CD, and I still know every single word.

You Are An ENFP

The Inspirer You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends. You are also unconventional, irreverant, and unimpressed by authority and rules. Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives. You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're qutie the storyteller! You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.

What's Your Personality Type?

New couch!

So a new couch is a perfect reason to redecorate, yes? :D I'm so so excited about the "new" living room. We now have seating for 7 (witht the desk chair and the director's chair in the corners). Plus our new couch is a fold out sofa that is really really comfy (Matt and I slept on in it last night). Thank you Greg and Nancy! It's a perfect housewarming present!

Naked Barbie Dolls?

I always wondered when that might happen. And apparently someone is really REALLY wanting this. And soon. http://www.zug.com/pranks/barbie/index.html

What a life

The Life Cycle is Backwards

I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, you know, start out dead, get it out of the way. You wake up in an old age home, feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You enjoy life, you party, and you get ready for high school. You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a baby, then, you spend your last 9 months floating peacefully with luxuries like central heating, spa, room service on tap, larger quarters everyday, and then you finish off as an orgasm.

No more!

Please. No more bath products. I don't have room!
(This is all the stuff I haven't used. Let's not get into the stuff that I use all the time.)

Hot Kitties

My poor babies. Especially Quinn. She lays down belly up in front of the fan quite often. Can't say that I blame her with temperatues being as high as they are. 108 in the valley over the weekend! I now understand why people live near the water and/or have pools and own convertibles. Get cooled down and get cool air any way that you can.

I also put ice cubes in their water dish today. I've never done that before and obviously it was quite entertaining. For them and for me.

Weekend

Friday I was invited to go out dancing but I declined saying that I had a date with my husband on Saturday. Since I never get to see him, I'd rather be awake and not hungover! Plus, clubs get so crowded on the weekends, and I just wasn't in the mood.

Saturday, my surprise date, was wonderful. Matt took me to Huntington Gardens which was absolutely stunning. If you love to garden, if you love nature, this is the place for you. They have a dessert garden, herb garden, shakespeare garden, japanese garden, lily ponds, subtropical garden, statue garden, rose garden, and so much more that we didn't even get to see! They even have a tea house which I definitely want to check out next time. Our trip was cut off short by an unfortunate call from a dear dear close friend of mine who's father passed away suddenly on Friday. I decided to head home and make some calls. I'll be heading up to Seattle around the 27th.

Sunday was spent with Liz, my fun friend that I met through temping. We had a great catch-up lunch at Fred 62. I had a great omlette with chicken sausage, goat cheese, sundried tomatoes and avacado with hashbrowns on the side. Then we went over to the Off Broadway Shoe Company where I found new white sandals (casual) and little brown heels with a short heel to match my crazy but fun and sexy brown/white dress that Nancy helped me find at Macys. I'm so excited to wear it, now I just need an occasion! :) Ooooooooo, red carpet at GenCon...

Speaking of GenCon, Matt and will be heading to Indiana August 9. I'll spend my birthday working a conference and then heading the the premiere of Gamers 2. When I get back, I'm heading striaght to Knott's Berry Farm because they have kick-ass roller coasters. Who wants to go with me? :)

I'm going to be kidnapped

Matt is "kidnapping" me tomorrow, taking me somewhere and I don't know where we're going. I have a few ideas, namely Huntington Gardens but whenever I guess I usually get it right and that really ticks him off. So I'm really trying to keep my mouth shut and let him enjoy planning our day (because I seriously can't remember the last time he did this)! Pictures and details will be posted after our lovely day together.

Matt's parents will be here in about a week and will be staying with us. They have graciuosly offered to buy us a hide-a-bed which is very exciting for me. I have been wanting to get rid of our loveseat for some time now and this is the perfect excuse. While they're here we'll go to Santa Monica, Huntington Gardens, Pasadena, and a few of our favorite restaurants, maybe even a hike at Griffith Park. I can't wait for them to get here. It's always wonderful to see family and they have never seen our place.

On the go

You are Sneakers!

You're an active girl, who's all about function You dress for the occasion - comfort comes first Your perfect guy? Someone who can keep up with you. You'll find him - but you might have to slow down to see him!

What Kind of Shoe Are You?

Movies

Click

Unexpectedly charming! How many times have we all wanted to fast forward, pause, rewind, and mute sections in our lives. This is not your typical Adam Sandler movie, which is why I liked it so much.

Devil Wears Prada.

It's all about Meryl Streep. Hands down, she is the center of this movie. If you've not read the book, read it first. I loved it up until the end, but that's because they "disneyfied" the ending. Stanley Tucci is also utterly charming.

Pirates of the Carribean - Dead Man's Chest.

Disappointing. The supporting elements like costumes, make-up, special effects were amazing. Johnny Depp and Bill Neighy were incredible, but Keira Knightly and Orlando Bloom's characters plots had nothing to do with the main story. And that's all I'll say because I know most of you haven't seen it yet.

Happy "Blowing Stuff Up" Day!

Party time! L-R: Mary, Ben, Sam, Matt, Rian on our rooftop

We are classy folks.

(P.S. That wine was AMAZING. Highly reccomended!)

My favorite wine glass and my favorite card game.

If only I had a bigger kitchen

You Are a Learning Cook

You've got the makings of an excellent cook, and the desire to be one. But right now, you're just lacking the experience. You couldn't be a top chef yet, but you could be an apprentice.

Are You A Good Cook?

It's gone!

Mom had an MRI this week and I called Dad yesterday to find out the news. It's gone! Gone gone gone! No trace of the tumor. Now it's all about getting her back on her feet. I'm so so excited! :)
Thank you for keeping her in your thoughts and prayers. They are working!

In other news, Matt is enjoying his second internship with a very awesome script doctor. It's hotter than hell here. I am using the a/c nearly everyday now. It's nearly 90 or just above, and it's only June!

Matt's parents are coming to visit next month which will be fun. They haven't seen our place yet. Oh, and I went towel shopping with Mary the other day. I never thought I'd buy lime green towels but they look great with aqua walls.

Famous last words

Your Famous Last Words Will Be:

"So, you're a cannibal."

What Will Your Famous Last Words Be?

Time flies

There's not much to report! I've been working from home for my Dad which has been great. Did I mention how much I love to go to work in my PJ's? :)

Matt got another internship out in Santa Monica with John Rogers, a well known script doctor. Basically, people go to him to fix scripts and he does it well. This could lead Matt to better jobs after graduation. He also found out yesterday that several people who work as assistants at the production company (his other internship) started off as interns. This is very good news. More job prospects. Woohoo!

Matt's parents called and they will be visiting us for a few days in mid-July. We're looking forward to having them over. They haven't seen our place yet. They will be driving down in their wonderfully quiet Ford Escape. I love that car. So peaceful.

Today I have lunch with Mary. Tomorrow I pick up Rian and Sam at the airport. Thursday I see the chiropractor and then have dinner with the girls. Oh, and Saturday Gina and I watch Eddie Izzard on her wide screen TV. :)

Did I mention that I saw Eddie Izzard at Groundlings? He was wonderful!

Where Matt belongs...

American Cities That Best Fit You::

60% San Francisco

55% Los Angeles

55% New York City

50% Chicago

50% Philadelphia

Which American Cities Best Fit You?

I belong somewhere...

American Cities That Best Fit You::

60% San Francisco

55% Honolulu

55% Los Angeles

55% Portland

50% Denver

Which American Cities Best Fit You?

Random pictures

After our wine trip in January, we bought so much we had to go to Cost Plus and buy a new wine rack. :) So, here it is after our trip last month to Santa Barbara wine country, and a few random buys from the grocery store and Trader Joe's. We are SUCH wine-os!

PJ atop the new FREE kitty tree. :)

New FREE kitty tree!

New walls

Living Room

Dining Room

Bathroom

Bedroom

I have the best husband. Ever. :)

Painter Schmainter

I have THE BEST husband in the world! :) While I was gone he painted. Walls. With Rian. It is beautiful! The bedroom is now a bright spring green color. The bathroom is aqua, and there are 2 accent walls in the living room/dining room, like a peachy honey color. I have to redecorate. So depressing. :) I can't wait. Shops to go to: Pier 1, Bed Bath and Beyond, Target, and Ikea.

And this week I'll also be applying for a part time job at Barnes and Noble. Wish me luck!

On our way home.

L.A. is home now, but I still feel that I'm needed here in Seattle. I think all those days of wasting time sitting at home, having "nothing" to do, have just been a bit too excessive so I need to get my tooshie in gear. If I'm going to be home more, I should be cleaning, exercising, keeping the place looking good, and reading on the rooftop with a nice glass of lemonade. I should walk to the park more, walk around my neighborhood and explore more. I hope this new found adulthood will stick around. I kind of like it.

Muah!

One of my favorite actors is Robert Downey Jr. It's just so sad he spent all that time messed up on drugs and whatever else. Have you seen the movie "Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang"? Saw it last night. If you love Mr. Downey Jr, you will LOVE this movie. It's a must see.

Last days

I leave Monday for L.A. I'm anxious to get back. I miss Matt and I miss my kitties and my friends. But I have gotten to see a few friends up here which has been nice. I got to see Ed yesterday. We went to the Redmond Town Center and had a delicious Thai lunch. We talked about everything under the sun including psychology, the Dead Gentlemen, and career goals. It was fun.

This weekend I'm not sure what's happnening. As I've said before it's hard to make secure plans because Mom's health is in flux. She's really tired, and today, out of the blue, she's feeling nauseated. I have really learned to take each day as it comes while I've been here, and to do what needs to be done. I have implemented my "grown up" personality here in Seattle, and I need to take my "grown up lifestyle" back to L.A. I think I can do it. :)

Where everybody knows your name

My parents have a Basenji. It's an african dog that doesn't bark. His name is Johnny and this isn't a picture of him, but it's pretty close. I took him for a walk this morning, like I always do, and at least 2 neighbors approached me asking where my Dad was because they hadn't seen him. They obviously recognize the dog, but had no clue who I was! I thought it was pretty amazing that they all asked about how he was doing and was my Mom okay.

I belong here...

You Belong in London

A little old fashioned, and a little modern. A little traditional, and a little bit punk rock. A unique woman like you needs a city that offers everything. No wonder you and London will get along so well.

What City Do You Belong In?

Eh

I don't want to say too much because I know my dad reads this occasionally (hi Dad!) and I don't want him to think that I'm not enjoying myself here. It's just so much to take in all at once while seeming to maintain control of my emotions. Holding myself together during deep emotional struggles is not my strong suit but somehow I've only shed a few tears. Most days I've just been so tired from working and then helping out around the house that I don't have time to think about everything that's happening. But somehow, today, I just feel drained and sad. Ready to burst into tears. But I don't want to because I don't want them to see me sad and confused and frustrated and upset and angry. They don't need negative things. So what do I do?

I miss Matt. I wish he was here.

On a bright side, Nancy (mom in law) and I went to Macy's while Mom was at her appointment and I got several new clothes including 2 really super cute dresses. I am trying really hard to get out of the college "Oh crap I'm late for class" look.

Even better news is that Mom's tumor marker has gone down from 280 to 70 in just one month! So I guess not everything is terrible. But I haven't really dealt yet with the shock over mom's appearance, and how different things are around here. I guess right now it's just washing all over me and I wish it wasn't. I don't want to deal with it yet. I'm just not ready. I need to stay strong for them and then break apart when I get home.

Stars

Guess who Matt met yesterday?

15 is the magic number

It's a great feeling to walk into the place where you used to work and people immediately say "Oh my gosh, you look great! Did you lose weight? And you look so tan!" Okay, well, I'm tan compared to the Pacific Northwesterners, but it's a great feeling to say "Yup, I lost 15 pounds!" I don't mean to sound totally egotistical, but it was kind of nice being gushed over in that way.

And 15 is the magic number because I only have 15 more to go!

Ohno!

Well, if you don't know who Apolo Ohno is, you should. He's great! And it doesn't hurt that he's quite good looking...HOT is more like it! :)

Seattle Time

Landed last night at 6 and walked in to baggage claim to find a very happy Dad waiting for me! We hugged and caught up on Mom and Katie (who recently pierced her eyebrow, but that's another story). Then I saw Denise, a woman I had met at the Burbank airport, and we exchanged phone nubmers because it turned out we live less than a mile from each other! Super sweet, super nice woman. I'm excited to hang out with her.

Went home and saw a very spunky, but very different mom. For those of you who don't know, she has a walker now, and the radiation made her hair fall out. She's off the steroids now, which means she's much weaker. And did you know that you can have chemo now in pill form? I had no idea. Well, she took it for a week too long so the side effect is that her face is kind of puffy, like a chipmunk. But she looks beautiful and is doing the best she can. I worry about my dad being the constant caregiver, but that's why I'm here, to help give him a little break. It means so much to my family that I'm here for so long and I am happy to help.

What's really special is that my Aunt Sharon and Uncle Terry from Nine Mile Falls (a little town outside of Spokane) are here! Today we headed over to Bainbridge Island for my cousin Zac's graduation party. That also meant I got to see Uncle Gregg and Aunt Diane and their fabulous house and studio. I used to go there a lot as a kid so it brought back so many memories. Zac's brother, my other cousin Gus, was also there and we got to catch up. The weather held out beautifully - sunny and warm (well, warm for Seattle) - everyone was in a good mood - and Mom got a nice nap. I was just so grateful to see everyone. It just wasn't long enough. I don't know what's happening to me as I get older, but family seems to be more and more important to me. And I always want to see more of those I rarely see...but distance makes the heart grow fonder!

We're home now, and Mom is asleep on the couch. Katie is on the computer upstaris, Dad's talkin on the phone to some guy from Finland, and Sharon and Terry are somewhere around here. Tomorrow Sharon and Terry leave to go back home. :( I may take out my mom's beautiful custom made bike for a ride to the locks and then Steph might stop by to say hi after her acting class. Monday I work from home, Tuesday I go into work and have a dental appointment (I just can't find one in L.A. that I like). Probably Tuesday and Wednesday I'm going to cook dinner for the fam. :) And at some point I'll head over to Northgate to visit friends who recently had twins!

I'll stay busy, but I'm really missing Matt, the cats, and the control over my life in L.A. Somehow things get planned for me here, and I just have to learn to let go. I'm not here for me, I am here for them. And that's a good feeling. :)

Forever Cute

I was looking at our cats the other day, and said to Matt "You know, it's a shame they are both fixed. They would have the cutest kittens!" Don't you think so?

How I see myself

Okay, so every time I look in the mirror I see this person with short brown hair, a cute smile, and great skin. I look at the rest of me, and well, I'm kind of urked at the extra baggage. I have decided to attempt to get rid of it, but it's going to be harder than I thought.

What was this brought on by, you ask? I recently saw pictures of myself at a party and was kind of disgusted. I mean, I have an image of myself and that was not how I thought I looked! But to everyone else, I guess that's what they see. And I know I care WAY too much about what people think, but let's be honest, I'm a little chubby and want to not be chubby...if that makes any sense...

How do I see myself? Check out my myspace picture at http://www.myspace.com/divaduo (yes, I got suckered in...over a year ago...)

Note to self - #2:

When playing Scene It with 3 others who happen to go to film school, expect to lose. Poorly.

Note to self:

When you go to the beach, be sure to put suntan lotion all over your back, not just on your shoulders. That way you won't have a weird looking tan or sunburn, and you can still wear tank tops the day after the trip to the beach. This is imporant to remember since you have a friend who is moving to Venice Beach this summer and you will be visiting her often.

Yay for Yoga!

I went this morning with Marie, and man it was rough but I stuck it out and only went to the airconditioned bathroom 3 times! :) I want to continue to go while I'm up North. Does anyone want to go with me?

Seattle - Fremont

Tacoma

Dinner Party!

Tomorrow night. Kimby, Ben, Mary, Elizabeth, and of course, Matt and I will be attending. On the menu:

Appetizer - goat cheese and melba toasts, and whatever Elizabeth decides to bring
Main course - vegetarian cabbage rolls and whatever salad Mary brings
Dessert - rice pudding and sparkling raspberry wine

I am SO excited to do this. I haven't hosted a dinner party in so long, and Matt is looking forward to it too, as Ben and Kimby to go AFI so they'll have all kinds of stuff to talk about. Mary is Ben's wife, and Elizabeth is a very talented actress. I love bringing people together with food and wine. Speaking of wine, Kimby and Mary are both bringing a bottle of wine. Each. The wine will be flowing quite freely. Did I happen to show you our current collection? It's still not full enough. There's empty slots!

My new summer love...

The new Banana Coconut frappuccino at Starbucks. I really need to be careful this summer as I'm trying to lose more weight. And this will not be helpful. Darn you, Starbucks!

Urban hike

Today I spent with Mary, wife of Ben who is another screenwriting fellow at AFI. We had the best time! She is going to Dallas next week to celebrate her nieces quincenera (which is the equivalent of sweet 16) and had to buy a cake topper, a crown, and a few decorations. All of this, of course, needed to be able to fit in her carry-on luggage. What do you know, we found it all in once place! She speaks Spanish, so that was a huge help, especially considering we were in the Latino part of downtown L.A. (3rd and Broadway, in case you are curious). We had lunch, walked all over, and then since we had taken the subway to downtown, we took the bus back to her place, saw her Korea-town apartment, then she drove me back to my place and we chatted for another 1/2 hour or so before she left.

She is an absolute blast. And so sweet, so fun! It is wonderful to have a girlfriend who completely understands what it's like to have a husband in graduate school, in the same program (thank god), and we not only have a lot in common, our husbands have similar interests too. Mary and I will be hanging out again on Sunday when we head to Venice Beach. She and Ben are moving there in July to an apartment one block from the beach. Screw the pools. We'll be visiting them a lot this summer! :)

Nothing Better

There is nothing better than it raining outside, a cup of earl gray tea with cream and sugar, the Gladiator soundtrack playing, working from home, and having a purring kitty on your lap...all at the same time.

Have I told you lately...

...how much I love Trader Joe's?

Parties - #2

Last night. Oy.

We got to the party abou 8:30 but things didn't start hopping until about 10. The band was great - totally dressed the part. The lead guitarist was dressed more like a pirate than an 80's rocker! Lots of people, lots of flowing alchohol, and I smelled some green stuff. Apparently there was also puking, but I was lucky enough to only hear about it in passing.

The best part of the night was when we were getting ready to go. We were out in the yard and noticed that everyone was moving into the house to get ready to leave as well. We were wrong. There was a revival going on, and when I say revival, the entire living room was pretty much wall-to-wall dancing! I think we stayed another hour. It was wonderfully wild. Reminded me of college.

But I'm not in college anymore and I'm feeling it today. Lots of water and a nap will be involved in today's activites. :)

Parties - #1

Last night Matt and I went to the AFI wrap party. Lots of alchohol, karaoke, and interesting people. I chatted for sometime with Mary, who is wife of Ben, and she and I have decided to seriously start a spousal/signifcant other support group for those who are involved with AFI fellows. We are going downtown on Tuesday to do some shopping, and will discuss said group over a beer. :) Mary is fun and lively and I am glad to have her as a friend. This summer we'll be doing some hiking in the "mountains" around here.

Also talked to Hunter, an editing student who worked on one of Matt's projects. Talked to Amin, Jenn, Steve, Curt, and some other people. These people really know how to party! All in all had a great time and would do it again. And here's a new thought: I was the sober one by the time it was ready to go home. Matt deserved a night with his buddies and some beer. He deserves to let loose!

Tonight is another party with people I know better than just "what's your name again?" Celena moved into a house so we'll be heading over there around 9. Live band. Kegger. Mixed drinks. Lots and lots of people!

Today we find out if Matt and Nathan's rewritten thesis script get green-lit (approved) to go forward. Think happy thoughts!

Yar!

Take the quiz:
What Kind of Pirate are Ye? (*Pix*)

The Clever Pirate
Enod Ylecin! You catch on to situations quickly! If you smell trouble you immediatley put your brain to use and figure a way out...whether your in the middle of a thunderstorm or left the scraps at dinner time. You will go far in life because you see it for its possibilities. People admire your advice and trust in your instinct...believe in yourself enough and you can take over the world!

Quizzes by myYearbook.com -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!

Homecoming and perfect jeans

I am coming home for 2 weeks next month! :) I'm so so excited for fresh air and warm weather. It's so hot here and muggy, and it's only May. Ugh. I will be staying primarily with my folks in Seattle doing some work for my dad and helping take care of mom and spending time with Katie. I will also get the chance to spend some time with my awesome in-laws (and when I say awesome, that only begins to describe how wonderful they are!). I also get to celebrate Paige's birthday and see her on stage! I also get to see many friends in a wonderful play! Many of these friends are also in Matt's latest film that will be premiering at GenCon this summer.

Also, some exciting news. There may be a small chance that I will have some permanent work here in L.A. next month after my Seattle trip. One of the receptionists at the post-production facitility may be leaving and I may take her shift since the other receptionist really likes me (it's a two person job). I'm hopeful something will come of it as I am getting rather bored being at home all the time. I could go out, but then I'd spend money and we can't afford that. :( Oh well.

But speaking of spending money, we finally went to Macy's yesterday to spend our lovely Christmas gift certificates! Matt got some new shirts and a new wallet. I splurged on faboo jeans. And when I mean faboo, I mean fabulousness. They are stretch jeans, but because they stretch a full size, you have to get a size lower. So when the saleslady told me this, I kind of panicked. I mean, I have just gotten to the point where I have been able to fit into a 10 wihout the lovehandle phenomenon happening, and then she tells me I have to try on an 8? I laughed, but she said "trust me".

Oh. My. God.

These are the most perfect jeans ever.

I can't remember the last time I bought and could wear, comfortably, jeans in a single digit. It's to the point where I'm ready to buy another pair before they replace it with something that won't fit me.

DKNY is my friend.

Snobb-ywood

It's amazing to me that people can be so "important" when they walk through the front door. Last week I was working at the post-production facitlity and I must have had a dozen or so people walk through the door on their cell phones...well, not really. They had those funny ear mikes in, or the robot-type things hooked onto their ears. Anyway, they are telling me they are here to see a very important person because they themselves are very important. Whatever. And they do this without knowing where they are going, who they are hear to see, and still talking on the phone while receiving their visitors badge and signing in.

I tell you, the more I see of the industry, the more that I personally don't want to be involved. I'll let my husband do it instead. I'll get in the back way when Matt makes it big. Or sorta big. All in all it doesn't matter how much he makes just so long as I get a house. Eventually. Without bugs. And a wine cellar. And a yard. On the water.

Traffic

When we announced that we were moving to L.A., people groaned and said "Oh, you poor things. You'll have to deal with traffic." Well, here's my take on it. I think Seattle/Tacoma traffic is much worse. You only have 4 freeways in the entire Seattle area! 2 that go North/South and 2 that go East/West. You get stuck in traffic. Literally. There are no alternative routes.

Here people know how to drive in traffic. Even when it's very very slow, it's moving. And I will tell you why CA drivers are so agressive. There are a lot of us on the road. And if you're not agressive, you will not get anywhere. Of course, some are more agressive than others, specifically the idiots racing in rush-hour traffic. But I'll let them get in the accidents while I safely and agressively get to my destination. :)

International Movie Weekend

Friday night I saw Water with Kari and Amanda. A sad and yet very inspiring and hopeful film about a young girl who is married at 8 years old and her husband dies shortly after. She is banished to a widow's group home where she gets her head shaved and changes the lives of the other widows. I wasn't quite sure how the movie was but I dreamed about it that night and was still thinking about it yesterday. I would highly reccomend that you see it and then let me know what you think. :)

This morning I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep so I watched a selection from my netflix DVD collection. The Girl From Paris (Paige, you HAVE TO see this movie if you haven't already) is about a, well, girl from Paris who is sick of city life and goes to work on a farm. I wasn't expecting some of the brutal stuff, like shooting a pig in the head and cows getting their heads chopped off (just a warning in case you're sensitive like me), but all in all a lovely quaint story. Good for when you're feeling ill and have a nice warm cup of tea and a purring cat at your side.

Sick Sick Sick

Thanks to someone in class (also named Matt) who decided to share his lovely cold with all of us, I can share in the pleasure of a sore throat, coughing, sinus pressure, and a lovely runny nose. Combine that with a fever which equals Camille being a delight to be around. :P

Matt has finished his screenplays! Woot! He's also applied for some lovely scholarships and a teaching assistantships which will hopefully come through. One would be nice. I'm not asking for much, just some financial help.

Busy Bee

I've been temping the past few days at a post-production studio eerily close to "the temple of doom". Took me about 10 minutes to get there and home each way. Didn't mind at all - certainly beats the times they send me to Century City. It's only 10 miles away but takes me at least an hour to get there, and that's without traffic. :P Anyway, I met some great people, made a few friends, and don't miss being there 9-7. Luckily there was another receptionist at the same desk. When you sit with someone for 8 hours a day, you get to know them very quickly.

Acting class was hard last night. I'll be honest, it was rough. I didn't do poory, but I sure threw myself a pity party, feeling like I was the worst actress in the world. Jon, another actor in class and a good friend, took me for a walk and talked me through all my woes and then checked in on me this afternoon. Since the temp job let me go early today, we met for coffee at the Bourgeois Pig coffee shop just down the street and had a lovely chat with a mixed berry smoothie. Good times, good drink, and good conversation in the lovely L.A. sunshine. How could it get any better?

I have to go. P.J. is meowing at me to play. Priorities. :)

A slightly weird conversation

So I was a parking attendant this weekend. Not the most glamorous job, but I met some interesting people. Most customers were nice, told me to keep the money and have a drink instead (to which I seriously considered their offer but eventually declined). Some were assholes, and some were just plain weird. For example, take the following conversation:

Car pulls up, grandfatherly man rolls down is window, grandmoterly-type wife is in the passenger seat.

Me: Hello, Welcome to UCLA. It's eight dollars to park.

Man: Hey there! You having fun today!

Me: Yeah, now that the sun is out.

Man: I guess it's even more fun making money, huh?

Me: Uh, yeah. (he hands me cash)

Man: So you're having fun in the sun making money. That's great! I bet you'd have even more fun if you were naked.

Me: Uh, no. (had him change and his parking ticket.)

Man: So, you're not the kinky type?

Me: Uh, no sir. Enjoy the festival.

The highlight was chatting with some very smart and interesting students at UCLA. Some were undeclared majors, one was poli-sci, one was english, and 2 were majoring in auronautical engineering.

I must say the highlight of my 20-hour weekend at UCLA was of course, an interaction with a celebrity. She was sweet, kind, and completely stunning. Have you ever seen "Robin Hood: Men In Tights"? Remember Maid Marian?

Classics

I just love it when I re-discover food. Like the other day, I made grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner. I can't remember the last time I had one! And yesterday I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch, with a tall glass of milk. It tasted like heaven, thanks the the organic strawberry and guava jam Julia brought us from Hawaii.

I am working for my dad now, a few hours a week. Mostly preliminary things right now, but this is a huge opportunity and I'm very excited. There are lots of chances for travel and meeting new people which I'm totally thrilled about. Plus the convienience of working from home. It's great!

I'm temping this weekend at the L.A. Times Festival of Books. Tons of authors will be there and I plan on spending my lunch hour perusing the many activities going on. It's doubtful I'll get any autogrpahs, but I sure would love to see Amy Tan.

Out on the Town

Last night Matt and I joined Marshall and Jeremy (2 students from AFI in the writing program) and brought along our friend Jimmy who was visiting from Seattle for an evening of improv theatre. Marshall's friend was performing amongst a group of women who were doing Monty Python sketches. They served free drinks, which is always a bonus in my book, and we laughed the night away. Jeremy headed home afterwards, and we drove Marshall to his car. Then Matt, Jimmy, and I headed back to the apartment and were up till 3am playing games and having political discussions over 2 bottles of wine and wonderful pizza.

Today I slept in until11am which was wonderful. I've spent the afternoon doing nothing and that's been even better. Matt is at a production meet this afternoon which gives me the entire place to myself . That's something I also never complain about. :)

That was interesting...and a little scary...

There was a fire in our parking lot!

I was at the computer and heard this loud crackling noise. It sounded like a barbeque totally out of control. I looked outside and there was a fire starting in the back corner, maybe 5 feet from our car. I ran down to move it and Matt called the fire department. I freaked out as I ran to the car, only to see our landlord moving in with the fire extinguisher. She yelled at me to move to spot number one, which I did, and she ran back and forth three times to re-fill the extinguisher. The fire department showed up within five minutes (I don't mind paying my taxes now) and took care of the mystery smoldering mess on the other side. One of the tenants told me that she thinks there are some people who live outside just on the other side of the fence and maybe that's what started it.

Adrenaline is pumping and Matt and I are off to dinner in about an hour. We have a lovely bottle of wine that will come in very handy. :)

San Diego was a blast. I forgot my digital camera but will be happy to share cute pictures of the adorable baby panda, baby gorilla, and baby giraffe and also share the story of the wildcat we saw get loose while on a walk.

It's been an interesting week so far!

Out and about

Katie flew in yesterday afternoon. This morning we're headed off to San Diego for a few days! This morning we're headed straight to Sea World and then checking in to our hotel. Then tomorrow we're spending the whole day at the San Diego Zoo! I'm so excited to get out of L.A. for a few days and now I have to go because Matt's getting in a tizzy about getting on the road.

I haven't even finished my breakfast yet and Katie's still in her PJ's. Obviously Matt has forgotten that he's traveling with Mesmers.

Celebrity Watch

Living in L.A., the question that always comes up is "Have you ever met/seen celebrities?"

Of course. I live in Hollywood and temp at tv/movie lots. From most recent to first, here's the list of celebrities I've seen (these don't include the one's Matt has seen, I can't remember their names):

1. Today I saw/interacted with Leon Robinson. Stand-offish, probably knew I recognized him. When I asked him his name (I have to get names in order to hand out parking validations), he only gave me his first name and then when I asked for his last name, he seriously hesitated. Whatever. I'm just doing my job, buddy.

2. I was with Beth and Celena at the 101 Cafe when all of the sudden Celena whispered "Look!" It was Sandra Oh. Need I say more? I was completely star struck. She was about a foot away from me and I so desperately wanted to say that I loved her in Sideways. But I played cool. She was with friends and kept her sunglasses on in the restaurant. Really beautiful in person, more stunning than on T.V. which is rare.

3. Alan Ruck at the FOX movie lot. He was coming up the stairs, I was coming out of the elevator and was completely turned around. Now the parking lady very nicely but very quickly told me where to go before I headed into the giant parking complex and handed me a map. So I asked him if he knew where the building was and he said "Well, let's look at our maps." We figured it out, and he wished me well and we went our separate ways. Most famous for his role on "Spin City" and as Cameron in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off"

4. Kevin Smith. Chasing Amy. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. Clerks. If you don't know who I'm talking about, then I feel sorry for you. He's lost quite a bit of weight. I almost didn't recognize him.

5. Famke Janssen. Really skinny in person. Saw her twice on the same day at Runyon Canyon. Seemed snooty but she had a very cute dog looking up at her adoringly and carrying a stick that he obviously wanted her to throw. Famous for her rold in "Goldeneye" and as Jean Gray in the famed "X-Men" movies.

A Cat's Guide

1. Introduction: Why Do We Need Humans?
So you've decided to get yourself a human being. In doing so, you've joined the millions of other cats who have acquired these strange and often frustrating creatures. There will be any number of times, during the course of your association with humans, when you will wonder why you have bothered to grace them with your presence. What's so great about humans anyway? Why not just hang around with other cats? Our greatest philosophers have struggled with this question for centuries, but the answer is actually rather simple:

THEY HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS.

Which makes them the perfect tools for such tasks as opening doors, getting the lids off of cat food cans, changing television stations, and other activities that we, despite our other obvious advantages, find difficult to do ourselves. True, chimps, orangutans, and lemurs also have opposable thumbs, but they are nowhere as easy to train.

2. How and When to Get Your Human's Attention
Humans often erroneously assume that there are other, more important activities than taking care of your immediate needs, such as conducting business, spending time with their families, or even sleeping. Though this is dreadfully inconvenient, you can make this work to your advantage by pestering your human at the moment it is the busiest. It is usually so flustered that it will do whatever you want it to do, just to get you out of its hair. Not coincidentally, human teenagers follow this same practice. Here are some tried and true methods of getting your human to do what you want:

Sitting on paper: An oldie but a goodie. If a human has paper in front of it, chances are good it assumes the paper is more important than you. It will often offer you a snack to lure you away. Establish your supremacy over this wood pulp product at every opportunity. This practice also works well with computer keyboards, remote controls, car keys, and small children.

Waking your human at odd hours: A cat's "golden time" is between 3:30 and 4:30 in the morning. If you paw at your human's sleeping face during this time, you have a better than even chance that it will get up and, in an incoherent haze, do exactly what you want. You may actually have to scratch deep sleepers to get their attention; remember to vary the scratch site to keep the human from getting suspicious.

3. Punishing Your Human Being
Sometimes, despite your best training efforts, your human will stubbornly resist bending to your whim. In these extreme circumstances, you may have to punish your human. Obvious punishments, such as scratching furniture or eating household plants, are likely to backfire; the unsophisticated humans are likely to misinterpret the activities and then try to discipline YOU. Instead, we offer these subtle but nonetheless effective alternatives:
* Use the cat box during an important formal dinner.
* Stare impassively at your human while it is attempting a romantic interlude.
* Stand over an important piece of electronic equipment and feign a hairball attack.
*After your human has watched a particularly disturbing horror film, stand by the hall closet and then slowly back away, hissing and yowling.
* While your human is sleeping, lie on its face.

4. Rewarding Your Human: Should Your Gift Still Be Alive? The cat world is divided over the etiquette of presenting humans with the thoughtful gift of a recently disemboweled animal. Some believe that humans prefer these gifts already dead, while others maintain that humans enjoy a slowly expiring cricket or rodent just as much as we do, given their jumpy and playful movements in picking the creatures up after they've been presented. After much consideration of the human psyche, we recommend the following: cold-blooded animals (large insects, frogs, lizards, garden snakes, and the occasional earthworm) should be presented dead, while warm-blooded animals (birds, rodents, your neighbor's Pomeranian) are better still living. When you see the expression on your human's face, you'll know it's worth it.

5. How Long Should You Keep Your Human?
You are obligated to your human for only one of your lives. The other eight are up to you. We recommend mixing and matching, though in the end, most humans (at least the ones that are worth living with) are pretty much the same. But what do you expect? They're humans, after all. Opposable thumbs will take you only so far.