Eh

I don't want to say too much because I know my dad reads this occasionally (hi Dad!) and I don't want him to think that I'm not enjoying myself here. It's just so much to take in all at once while seeming to maintain control of my emotions. Holding myself together during deep emotional struggles is not my strong suit but somehow I've only shed a few tears. Most days I've just been so tired from working and then helping out around the house that I don't have time to think about everything that's happening. But somehow, today, I just feel drained and sad. Ready to burst into tears. But I don't want to because I don't want them to see me sad and confused and frustrated and upset and angry. They don't need negative things. So what do I do?

I miss Matt. I wish he was here.

On a bright side, Nancy (mom in law) and I went to Macy's while Mom was at her appointment and I got several new clothes including 2 really super cute dresses. I am trying really hard to get out of the college "Oh crap I'm late for class" look.

Even better news is that Mom's tumor marker has gone down from 280 to 70 in just one month! So I guess not everything is terrible. But I haven't really dealt yet with the shock over mom's appearance, and how different things are around here. I guess right now it's just washing all over me and I wish it wasn't. I don't want to deal with it yet. I'm just not ready. I need to stay strong for them and then break apart when I get home.