Baby Wesley Update

I'm not posting this on Facebook, or sending out throngs of emails.

Today, I went in for an ultrasound.  Wesley is measuring a little small in his head and tummy, which could be associated with my high blood pressure.  Nothing like freaking out a first time mommy Monday afternoon. :P

Midwife is cautious but optimistic.  The placenta is very healthy, top grade (so says the midwife).  Lots of fluid (hello 40 pound weight gain).  Heartbeat is strong.  Limbs are long, and he has a full head of hair to boot.  Chat with Jenny made me feel much better. 

Refusing to panic.  Enjoying time off my feet and time to myself to relax.

Timing sucks.  Matt starts filming JQ2 soon.  Not sure how I'm going to do on my own. 

I think Netflix instant que will be my new close friend over the next several days.

At least I can work from home.  Working for Grandpa does have its benefits.  :)

Middle Of The Night Madness

I sleep with earplugs because I'm a sensitive sleeper.  This means I can't hear myself snoring, and it's apparently pretty bad.  I don't know what to do.  Google, which is not my friend, says that it's most likely due to increased fluids in the body which includes my nasal passages.  I'm going to see if I can find those nasal strips at the drug store so that Hubby and I can both sleep.  I do sleep on my side.  I can try sleeping with my head elevated.  It supposedly gets worse into the third trimester.  Of course, increased snoring can be a warning sign for preeclampsia (which I've been tested for and was negative) or pregnancy apnea.  I'm supposed to ask Hubby if I'm sputter or cough at all while snoring, which I'm pretty sure I don't, because I'd wake myself up! I realize that one of us can sleep in another space, and it might just come down to that. 

I am 33 weeks pregnant, almost 34 (on Thursday) and I have truly begun the "done being pregnant/ready to meet my kid" phase.  I know he still has some cooking to do, but the swelling hands, feet, and ankles is really starting to annoy me.  Big time.  I have pregnancy induced carpel tunnel in my right hand all of the time.  There seems to be very little relief from it, aside from accpuncture.  This makes it difficult to write thank-you notes, to eat, use a can opener, open packages, etc.  There's numbness and tingling. 

I feel SO FAT.  All the weight gain is in my upper body, which I know is good, and I apparently still am not waddling.  I guess from behind you can't even tell I'm pregnant.  But these last several days I've felt like a whale and just wanted to stay in bed all day.  The emotions are out of control, I feel like crying most of the time.  I guess I'm just not in a good place tonight.  My last day at work is March 1, and from then on I'll be working at home full time up until baby boy arrives.  I plan on upping the workouts - swimming 2 times a week and yoga 2 times a week.  Right now the exercise has dwindled to yoga once a week, and an occasional walk.  Not good enough.  But I am drinking more water and aside from this weekend, watching my sodium intake, and that's helping me feel a little better. 

I should go back to bed soon.  I'm just trying to give Hubby a chance to sleep before I start snoring again. 

I'm also freaked out a little about labor and delivery.  I know, I know, women have been doing this for centuries, without drugs, and I can do it too.  But I haven't done this before.  My mom isn't here to tell me about her experience, what her warning signs were.  I am reading Ina May's Guild to Childbirth, which is helpful, but I'd get more relief if I just knew how my little sister and I arrived in this world.  There's only so much my relatives know.  I want to know what it FELT like, was she scared, excited, how did she cope with the pain, etc.  So many questions that will go unanswered. 

Last night I had my first panic attack about parenthood.  Full on tears, red in the face, hyperventilating, wondering "howamigoingtodothis" and "whatamigettingmyselfinto" fits of emotion.  I know everything will be fine, I know I'll figure it out just like all other first time Moms.  But at that moment, and moments in between, I panic.  And I write blog posts at 3am.  

I suppose you could say that missing Mom is at the root of all these "emotionally charged states" as Hubby likes to call them (it sounds better than my term, which is "complete meltdowns").  And yes, he's mostly right.  And that's all that I have to say about that topic. 

The friends baby shower, hosted by one of my best friends, Brie, was over the weekend and it was so lovely.  So many people turned up, and I was overwhelmed by the love and joy for this new life coming into the world.  What an amazing group of friends!

On that note, it's time for me to try and get some more shut-eye while I still can. 

Eight. Months.

It's official.  Just two months or so, and our baby will be here.  Where has the time gone?  I can't keep track of anything these days.  If it didn't happen yesterday or today, I won't remember.  My Google calendar is full of reminders to call friends and family, appointments, and things to do around the house.  Somehow, I'm also squeezing in a decent amount of work.  I'm really feeling the pressure to accomplish so many things at work because I know, in as little as FIVE WEEKS, I'll have a newborn to take care of and everything else will just have to wait.  

I've decided to stop panicking about money.  We have gotten (and been blessed to receive) so many used items from friends that aside from the crib and lounge chair.  I'm not concerned about the crib because he'll be sleeping in the bassinet for the first 2 or 3 months anyway.   Matt will get back paid, he's getting a raise with the new job, and since the best thing for me to do is remain calm and relaxed, then that is what I am going to do. 

Work threw me a lovely baby shower yesterday.  It was so sweet.  They are all so excited, because the youngest "kid" is now 17.  I was so touched by their generosity and excitement.  I love working with these people.  They are more like family, which is how it should be when you are working for the family business.

The baby showers will happen soon.  The first one is next weekend, and it's the friends shower, at our house.  Matt got pictures up on the walls last weekend, and they look really good.  We have one wall in the hallway dedicated to family photos, and we are so excited to add pictures of the baby!  So many friends are coming from out of town, and I can't tell you how much this means to me.   I am truly honored to be surrounded by such amazing people.

The 25th is the family shower in Seattle which I am also excited about.  Family members from my side and Matt's side will be there, as well as a few close family friends.  I am really excited to see everyone.  I love my family through and through, and I am blessed to have them in my life.

Eight months.  Five to 10 weeks to go.  I can't believe it.  But you'd better believe that in addition to all this other stuff, Matt and I are squeezing in as many date nights/lunches as we can.  Time is limited, at least for a little while!

Oh, and I should also mention that baby boy is big enough that now, if he kicks hard enough or moves around enough, I can see the movement along with feeling it.  Which means during my meeting yesterday at work, Grandpa was entertained by his grandson's movements.  It was really cute.

Not Panicking About Money

Really, it's true.  Sort of.

I cannot believe how much money we are spending these days.  Some of it is on eating out because I'm too tired to cook.  Some of it isn't on baby stuff, it's more like "Oh, we need curtains for downstairs" and "Oh, we need an electric drill" and "Oh, we need a shredder so we can get rid of those bills from 2004".  It's nesting.  Getting things accomplished around the house so we don't have to worry/fret about them as time gets closer and after our little boy arrives.  Seriously, we've hardly spent any money on baby stuff, except for the paint for his room and a few cute baby outfits.  Hubby is changing jobs and will get back-paid, and while I'm hesitant to withdraw money out of savings, I keep reminding myself that it will be replenished by the end of the month. 

There are bigger problems in this world, and I keep reminding myself that even if we do have to withdraw from savings, that we are in such a better place than we were even six months ago, financially and relationship wise. 

Now if my feet and ankles would stop swelling, I think I'd be just about perfect. 

31 Weeks down, 9 weeks to go!

How is this possible?  I mean, really.  9 weeks left to get for little man's arrival, that's just crazy!  Thankfully hubby painted the nursery this week, and it's a really lovely shade of blue. 

I am feeling pretty good, just tired.  Annoyed that I've got swollen feet, ankels, and hands, but I'll take that over heartburn.  Little boy loves to climb as high as he can and wedge up against my stomach and liver, which makes bending over a huge task.  Hubby has the joyous task now of tying my shoes every morning.  And rubbing my feet every night.  My feet look like little sausages by the end of the day.  It's a sad and somewhat amusing sight.  It would probably be a little more funny if they didn't hurt so much.

But all in all, I can't complain.  I'm having a healthy pregnancy, no complications, work is busy, and the house is looking pretty good.  Hubby is happy and fulfilled, and busy as can be.  So many friends and family are having major traumas in their lives.  Hubby and I are so grateful that we are in a good place for the time being.  I know it won't last, another bump in the road is on it's way, but for now, I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts.

30 Weeks!

I suppose the biggest thing I've noticed is that I need to start slowing down.  Up until now, I could schedule 2 or 3 things a day, and be fine, as long as I could get at least a 30 minute cat nap in.  Now, I've cut my work schedule down to working from home 4 days a week, and going into Redmond once a week.  Two gatherings is more than enough, and I have to separate them out between morning and late afternoon so I can get a nap in.  If they're one after the other, then it's hard for me to go anywhere at night because I'm so tired.  This is really hard for me because I am such a social person.  I get lonely rather easily, and poor hubby is the source of so much conversation and entertainment these days.  And as I get bigger, I rely on him more and more for even the simplest of things, like tying my shoes, or giving me foot rubs to help combat the ache in my feet from the swollen ankles.

Our house is slowly getting there.  We've cleaned out numerous closets, made some serious progress on the nursery.  Hubby has now asked me to schedule us time on the calendar to work on house projects so we feel like we're getting things done.  Tonight we'll get the rest of the nursery cleaned out, and then Hubby will put up the paint tape.  We've picked out a color already, which is exciting.  It's going to be so cute, I can't wait to see what it's going to look like when it's all done.  We have a boatload of clothes from friends, which has been wonderful.  I, of course, have already sorted them by size and put away the 0-6 months in the dresser, while the rest is in bins that will go into his closet.  Other places that still need work are our now combined office, which looks like the closet threw up, and our garage, though Hubby has made serious progress there (and kitty who pees on floor is still in there.  Every time I think about letting him back into the house, he pees next to the fridge, so clearly, he's a garage cat now.  I'm hopeful he'll be a backyard kitty over the summer). 

I'm not sure that I necessarily feel overwhelmed, and I think that's because Hubby and I have this schedule now.  I want the nursery cleared/cleaned out and painted by the 18th, which is when we have the Friends baby shower at our house.  I also want a clean room where we can put/set-up all the baby stuff.  But I know poor hubby is totally overwhelmed.  He has so many film projects going on, in addition to his pregnant wife constantly needing him for this or that (mostly emotional reassurance, or as he calls them "heightened emotional states").  He will be gone for a few days next month in Pasco for a conference, and my dear friend Paige is flying up to help me out while he's gone.  But now he might be gone for a few more days after he gets back from Pasco, and I told him he needs to figure out/find someone to take care of the cat boxes.  Anyone want to come stay with me for a few days and clean out some litter boxes?  Sounds glamarous, I know.  Try to resist.  :)

Baby is kicking more and more, which is so much fun.  As the date gets closer, I find myself thinking of my family in different ways, specifically my parents, and what life must have been like before my sister and I came along.  I also think about how they each had their own childhood, and how when I was a kid, I never thought about that because they were always just mom and dad, y'know?  I am just thinking of and viewing everything differently these days.  It's quite an experience. 

Reeling

We had our childbirth class over the weekend. I am drained, emotionally and physically. What an amazing experience. Words cannot describe just how powerful this was. It was the perfect class for the two of us.

I went in feeling unsure, scared, unprepared, not knowing if I was strong enough.

I left feeling empowered, strong, slightly overwhelmed, and with a new-found love and deep respect for my partner.

We can do this.

We will do this.

Together.

I can't wait to meet our boy.

29 weeks!

From BabyCenter dot com:

Your baby now weighs about 2 1/2 pounds (like a butternut squash) and is a tad over 15 inches long from head to heel. His muscles and lungs are continuing to mature, and his head is growing bigger to make room for his developing brain. To meet his increasing nutritional demands, you'll need plenty of protein, vitamins C, folic acid, and iron. And because his bones are soaking up lots of calcium, be sure to drink your milk (or find another good source of calcium, such as cheese, yogurt, or enriched orange juice). This trimester, about 250 milligrams of calcium are deposited in your baby's hardening skeleton each day.


He's alive and kicking, that's for sure! I suppose the kicks have died down slightly, but I can only presume that's because he's running out of room in there. He kicks the most when I'm sitting down, and also when I'm reading in bed. It's fun to watch my book go up and down, but distracts from the story (in a good way)! I can't believe that I'm in the third trimester already.

Regarding the vitmains, I am concerned about getting enough Iron, and it's not in my vitamins because it, um, well, I don't want to get too personal, but let's just say it creates some issues. And spinach lately makes me want to vomit. So, any suggestions on how to get s'more iron into my diet?

Annoyed

Preface: If you are going to comment, I ask for constructive criticism or support, nothing sarcastic or otherwise. Thank you. :)

I'm annoyed when I hear the quote "You had better get all the sleep you can before the baby comes!" Or, "All that insomnia is going to prepare you for baby!" I can't believe I said this to my friends (and I'm so sorry I did) because I would love nothing better than to sleep through the night. But my bladder is working overtime for 2, and never mind the fact that at 28 weeks, it's difficult to get comfortable with my growing belly...and I still have a long way to go. (Hello, future best friend - body pillow.) Sometimes I wake up sniffly and sneezing. Sometimes I wake up freaked out and harried, wondering if baby boy is ok. Or it's that I'm 11 weeks from my due date and there's still so much to do. Or how we're going to make this work financially. How this will change family dynamics. Everything.

The melt-downs have arrived in full force. Hubby calls them "emotionally charged events", which is true. Things that normally don't bother me turn me into a tantrum throwing 2 year old, or a weepy 14 year old girl who's boyfriend dumped her and suddenly my life is over. I had two or three in the last week. Usually they happen at 1am, or at dinner, when Hubby and I haven't seen each other all day. And while I'm surrounded by an amazing community of girlfriends, family, mamas and non-mamas, (and let's not forget my incredible husband), there are moments/days where I feel utterly alone and overwhelmed.

People have been asking for pictures of my pregnant self on Facebook. Friends who are also pregnant have posted pictures on FB, and that's good for them. I'll tell you what. If you want one, email me or text me and I'll send it to you. I don't really want to share my pregnant self on Facebook. I can't explain why, it's just me (though I'm sure there will be some after the baby showers next month) and my strange self. I feel fat and unattractive, and that's not the best time to post photos!

"Oh my god, you've gotten HUGE!!" (again, I apologize to my friends who I've said this to) My uncle said this to me at a family gathering, and I said "NO. My SON has gotten bigger. Not me. Please, know the difference." This comes from my 14 year old ballet dancing self, and with that comes major body issues. And that is a subject for another blog post.

23 Weeks!

Ok, I'm kind of starting to freak out a little. He's moving a lot more now, but not so much that people can feel him on the outside of my belly. What really has me going, though, is that next week I'll be six months pregnant. Which means 24 weeks. Which means 3 and a half months to get everything done. AHHHHHH!

So what I'm trying to do, to take the stress off, is go see my friends in plays, go out to dinner, enjoy the quiet time I have left, the freedom I have to go where and when I want, because those days are going to be pretty limited for some time. I know that I have no idea what's in store for me, and that's ok, because that's just life. I didn't know how Los Angeles would turn out, I didn't know how I'd survive Mom's death, I didn't know what 10 years of marriage would be like. But here I am, all the stronger and wiser, and now I feel as ready as I'll ever be for this next great chapter...

...at least that's what I keep telling myself. It doesn't always work.

22 Weeks!

Geez, it's December already. I should have known. Just by looking outside, our cars are covered in frost. People wonder why I like the rain so much. Well, it keeps me from having to de-ice my car, and the temperature stays above 40 degrees. Of course, I don't live in a flooding area, so I suppose I would feel differently in that case.

22 weeks. It's pretty obvious that I'm pregnant now. All those big shirts I bought in September that were WAY too big (making me look fat rather than pregnant), are now fitting just right. My frustration is with maternity jeans, those elastic waist bands that never stay flat. The just roll down, and create discomfort. I suppose I need to straighten them out and iron them, but what's the point when they are getting to be so uncomfortable? Mommies, do you have any suggestions? I am having more meltdowns, the latest freakouts have been about hubby being gone in March (though he'll be home every night), filming JourneyQuest 2. My worse-case scenario is going into labor by myself and not being able to get ahold of anyone. My first pick, obviously, would be to go into labor when Matt is home, either at night, or on one of the non shooting days. But it's not up to me. My control-freak self is getting a big lesson in patience with pregnancy, that's for sure.

Did I mentioned we registered? It was actually kind of fun, mostly because I took a good friend with me who has 2 young kids, and could walk us through what was necessary and what wasn't (like wiper warmers -- really?). To make a long story short, it didn't take as long as I thought and by the end, while I was overwhelmed, I was so glad to have my friend with me. She made it so much easier, and even had snacks for me afterwards so I could replenish my tired, hungry self.

As for Thanksgiving, it was hilarious. Up in Packwood, at my Aunt and Uncle's cabin, with my Mom's side of the family. Some of those guys can talk about the same thing for hours and hours and hours but I don't mind, I'm used to it. But poor hubby, he just went crazy. It was kind of comical. :) And one of my relatives, upon seeing my belly, exclaimed "Oh my gosh! You just grew overnight! What happened?" Um, well thanks for making me feel so much better about my changing body, auntie. Babies grow, and I'm 5 1/2 months. What did she expect?

And may I just throw in that I love my pre-natal yoga class? What a godsend!

20 Weeks

I am amazed, stunned, and a little bewildered that in 20 more weeks, we might just have a baby in our lives.  I am trying to process how much our lives will change, that I won't be able to come and go as we please, that my love of sleep will have to be on the back-burner, and that this baby is really a little person, with *his* own feelings, thoughts, and ideas on how he will process things.  It's a biological miracle.  I go between feelings of elation and excitement to being overwhelmed and just wanting to forget about everything that still needs to happen.

Health-wise, everything is good.  We had an ultra-sound last Friday, and baby looks just fine.  No problems.  Hubby and I were so amazed to see the 4 chambers of the brain, the heart beating, *his* lips moving.  How incredible that my body knows what to do, and that all these cells seem pre-destined to work so beautifully in sync!

House-wise, Matt has finished with the basement project and it now has a lovely red concrete floor.  We get the sense that this may be a summer room because it's going to be very expensive to heat in the winter months.  He's finishing putting all the furniture back, and then I need to shop for curtains to help keep what little heat is in that room, actually in the room.  :)

20 weeks.  I feel like I just found out I was pregnant.  Where has the time gone?

18 Weeks!

I suppose the greatest challenge of this week has been airing out the house while Matt has been deconstructing our downstairs hallway and family room.

(Backstory.) You see, one of our precious meows decided last year to pee on the carpet.  So we put him in the garage.  And he was good for awhile, so we let him back out.  And he did it again.  Back in the garage he went.  And then he was good.  So we shut him in the family room, as it was really cold last winter and we felt bad.  So he was good almost for an entire year.  Until last month, when he peed right in front of me on the carpet.  So back he went.  And he's still there.  He has lots of blankets, a new cat bed, and a heating pad.  I feel bad but what can I do, he is only going to get worse once the baby arrives!  And I cannot deal with cat pee smelling carpet and a new baby.  No. Way.  Oddly enough, cat seems happy in the garage.

Moving on...

So, husband has, in less than 2 weeks, ripped out said smelly carpet, ripped out the tack boards on the side, filled it in the quickcrete, sanded it all down, and painted!  So the hallway is done, and so is half of the family room.  We discovered that our base flooring downstairs is actually concrete, not hardwood flooring, so we decided to paint it this lovely brick red color.  It's warm and beautiful, I can't wait for it to be all done.  Pictures to be coming soon.

Camille, get to the point, you say.  What's the challenge?  Oh dear.  The fumes.  While they are not toxic, they smell awful.  So while he paints, I open windows and doors, we throw the the other cats in the garage, and I leave the house for a few hours.  But it's a small sacrifice for home improvement, and having a house that no longer smells like cat pee.

On the pregnancy side, I started feeling the wee one move at 16 weeks, if you can believe it.  It's decreased a little, but I realize it's pretty early.  I still have morning sickness, so I think I will be one of those women that has this lovely pregnancy quirk throughout my pregnancy.  My biggest challenges now are drinking enough water and getting exercise.  It's getting so cold now, and I just want to stay home...well, I want to stay home, when we're not airing out the house.  :)

April 5, 2012

PRESS RELEASE:

MESMER/VANCIL CO-PRODUCTION

TACOMA -- Longtime creative partners Matt Vancil and Camille Mesmer-Vancil today announced a new jointly-produced project that will arrive on the scene in the spring of 2012.  According to early buzz, it will have broad appeal across all four quadrants and will be especially popular in the couple's 55-70+ parents demographic.

Mesmer-Vancil is slated to produce the project, which has an estimated budget of $300,000 over 18 years.  Vancil was heavily involved in development and is expected to take a more active role in post-production.  The couple will co-direct.

"It's great to finally be producing something together," says Vancil from the home office the two of them will now be sharing.  "Camille [Mesmer-Vancil] and I have meaning to collaborate on one of these for years.  When she conceived of the idea about four months ago, we knew the time was right to make this baby happen."  Mesmer-Vancil was eating bananas and ketchup at the time and was unavailable for comment.  

The couple has remained tight-lipped on whether this will be a standalone feature or the first in a series.  The as yet untitled project is scheduled for release in early April.