Little Peanut

When my little sister was born Mom started calling her "My little peanut". And it was true. Katie was so cute, all bundled up in blankets and her face kinda squished when she'd cry. It was adorable. Our little peanut flew in last night a week early from Costa Rica and we were up until about 3am crying and laughing with our cousing Zac who was sleeping on the floor. We had a great time sharing stories and sentiments and joking late at night in the dark. I think it's what Mom would have wanted us to do. She always let us feel how we were feeling, but not without letting us know that we were loved and cared for. She's still the greatest Mom. Ever. Heck, I'm partial. :)

What breaks my heart, truly, is that my baby sister is only 16, and there is still so much that she needs to learn from her mother. Mom will never see Katie graduate from high school in a few years. She'll miss college graduation, wedding, and babies. I know, I know, she'll be there, but she won't be there. I told Katie what I thought, comforted her until the wee hours of the morning, and she feels a little better, but not by much. This is the worst thing that could happen, and my heart aches for her and for the both of us. I told her it's okay if she gets mad at me because I got to spend more time with Mom, but I think it will be imperative that I be present for all those major events.

Mom grabbed my hand a few nights ago and looked me in the eye and said, "Don't worry honey, everything will be okay." I thought, 'Sure, Mom, that's easy for you to say. We have to live without you.' And what makes me cry these days is that she's always called me sweetheart in that sweet voice of hers. She still does in her lucid moments. And when she goes, I won't hear that ever again. I have thought about getting a tape recorder just so I can hear it every once in awhile.