I think the worst part of growing up is watching your parents get older. Especially when one is sicker than the other, and spending your days supporting the healthy parent in all endavors, from making the ill one more comfortable to being social director and coordinating visits and phone calls.
It's time you know that my Mom is terminal. She is under hospice care here at home. The hospice nurse visited yesterday and based on mom's decline in the past week she says there are maybe weeks left, but not months. We were hoping that she'd make it to her next birthday in October, but now we're just hoping for Labor Day. She's beaten the odds before, and we have hope that she can do it again, but she's on morphine and pain patches, which is certainly not a hopeful sign. Even through the tears and anger, I still have faith that she's going to get better.
I think the creepiest thing I saw this morning was the amount of crows outside our house. There were 4 sitting on the telephone wire just hanging out outside my mom's room (it's the living room). Dad says they are Native American spirits, and that crows were an ominious sign that death is near. He also saw an owl outside yesterday in the back yard, and that is incredibly rare.
I go back and for between sobbing and feeling out of control to being in survival and business mode, so bear with me. :)
4 comments:
i know it sounds crazy and nuts...but remember to smile.
It can be tough, in times like these, to remember that statistics do not define individuals -- and your mom is of course an individual who will decide for herself when it is time to move on. What she (her soul) chooses does not have to coincide with "tribe think" (i.e., statistics vis-a-vis her health).
Whatever her choice, I hope you can find joy in being her daughter, the time you've had, and know that the experation of her phsycial body is just another step in the eternal journey of her soul. Celebrate her, and cherish this time knowing that you will meet again on another plane.
Jon, such lovely and well-chosen words for a difficult time. Camille, babe, we love you and are thinking of you. It's a real tough spot (as I well know), and I'm hear for you if you want to talk. How you are feeling now is OK, even the really ugly and difficult emotions.
Enjoy every minute with your mom. She's a special lady with two great girls.
Camille, I can't find your cell phone number. Give me another call, or email me, and let me know. And I think you changed your email address as well? Thinking of you babe. Hang in there.
Post a Comment